Monday, March 21, 2016
Its too darn cold
Monday,weekend is gone,stock market down,the weather is freezing,a long lost friend who wrote me off,my bad,found me on facebook and with all that,life is good,hehe,I am never gonna get rich,darn it.I am laughing, wondering where the hell this is gonna end up, I truly have no idea.Small whisps of ideas keep circling around this grey matter,seeking a place to rest,and puff another thought explodes preventing any settlement for a primary thought. I have to keep going back and changing i to I,which is a pain, but politically correct,in the english language,plus it lets me say something without saying anything,while I try to figure out what to say,hehe.
Market keeps going downnnnnnnnnn.Hehehe,did I mention Natalie Stovall,looked ravishing the other night.She was wearing a tiarra,for her show,and looked like a beautiful,fairy queen in full size,her eyes amaze me with their intensity.Last nights show was actually one of her better ones in my opinion.First ,it was about 46 degrees out,froze my butt off. Awhile back, last year or the year before, I left one of her shows due to the cold,and being silly me, felt guilty about it ever since. Here is this wonderous creature,putting her best foot forward, to entertain,and I whimped out and left,while she stayed and performed. Well, I stayed the course last night, at least for her show,and then for a few more songs from the other band. Gawddddddd, I was wearing leather shoes and my feet were frozen solid, hehehe,oh what a man I am,hahahaha.She was outstanding though,due to the weather there were very few,people in attendance. She thrived on it,I have no idea where here head was at, but when a group is first starting before they become popular and your performance is from the heart,I believe thats where last nights show came from. She even looked at me while she sang, in all honesty she probably looked at everyone there were so few, however for myself, it was the first time I did not feel as if she was avoiding me, since that magical night when we conversed and she said we were gonna dance together.
Here is a funny,before the show, a member of GTA,came up to me and stated that he had decided to spend a week here and check it out. Upon seeing me he wanted to convey his and the groups thanks, due to the fact that I never hesitate to dance and show my appreciation of the fact they are playing. Sometimes they feel as if I get the party started, which was rather nice of him. We also talked about how a band can play the same song a number of times and it will never be the same twice, which then brought about the topic of the movie August Rush,where everything depicts another note or medly,no two the same. When I dance to the music of a live group it is these subtle differences, which I celebrate along with the fith note, that teasing often unheard note of musical celebration which makes my feet their own master and my body a visual celebration of the musical current flowing through me. It is funny,after hearing Natalie, I have noticed that i have to listen to a mix by tha dj,s before i can get myself back into dancing with another band, and i believe i have figured out the why now,hehehe.It is not because they appear drab after her,though they do ,hehehe,boys will be boys. When Natalie plays, musically,my senses are awakened to a higher sense of sensitivity, my senses retreating their shields,in the forceful true eruption of a playful communication of humanities feelings of life. Afterwards, the music of the dj, serves to balance, a field of music,where i can revert back to normal,attuned with the music per say, a place where I can come back from the the heavens ,touch earth and then when the next group plays,i am content with just going to the clouds, a good place ,while I miss the splendor of having danced with the stars.Now here I am proud,roaring with pleasure,for the words I wrote match so closely what I feel, and just to be a wiseguy,I am seeing Natalie in my mind with her eyes conveying a sensual ,well done,hehehehe. I guess that came from inside for it was not there when I started that paragraph, lordy hehe, so back we go to pick it up,and no I am not gonna go back and change the I s in that last paragraph it can rest on its laurels as is.Ok., so the sound tech from Natalies band comes over afterwards,and we start talking. He described to me how he got the job, by taking a chance, by not being afraid to make his stand, and I told him, how the fact he got his dream,made my day. I took a chance, in talking to Natalie, and thaen in asking her to dance.While I have put her on a platform musically I have never lost sight of the fact she is a person , no different then anyone else. Therefore,she could with little thought rip me up, in oh so many ways,hehehe. In asking her to dance I set Myself up for rejection, even if unintended, and honestly who likes that, then of course with my mind,oh wellllll,Yes, I would do it again,for with the journey never taken,treasures are never found. I am so crazyyyyyyyyyy, I have never, for reasons unknown to me, ever taken the smart road, especially when it comes to a woman, i creat more problems for myself , simply put I have never been logical, instead, all logic seems to get washed away, while I sit to the side and watch myself headed for disaster. I am such a fool, and nothing seems to work, maybe This will end my foolish ways.Hahahaha, as i wrote that, my mind is telling me then i would lose who I am and that I would hate to see, so I guess the pain is apart of my journey.
Last night when the sound tech and I were talking, he asked if I talked with Natalie and told him,not often. It is not that she does not make herself available publicly, she often makes herself available to the public if they want to talk with herr, and I could go over and I am sure she would talk to me. Strange I am, I want in some way to be special, hehehe, Who am I fooling, not me for sure, I think it has to do with our last conversation, I conveyed myself fairly well, and .At a loss of how to put this,but here goes nothing. She is surrounded by admirers,of all sorts, Even though I do admire her, I would not want to be one who feeds off her, not doing to good at this. People are attracted to her for a myriad of reasons, I from our first conversation just plain enjoy her, even though I know her not.Wierd i am,but I mean it,It is the person she is that I seek to know,and feel for. I do not want to be seen as a fan, or one who simply lusts for her beauty. Nor do i wish to be seen in that light. It is amazing, is it not, that when we let our defenses down, others may see it as normal behaviour, as it would be if I were the norm,hehehe, however if she fails to percieve what i have offered or understood what i was attempting to convey, then, perhaps it would be for the best,that i keep my distance. For in no way would i encroach on her without invitation, as I am sure she has endured enough of that.
I am amazed at the way my mind wonders about,this is what happens when i have no plans,hehe,well i have to drop off an invoice.I pressure sprayed the sidewalks in front of the library on saturday,and sunday.That was actually fun,the weather was awesome the only thing missing was music, I really need to get a portable radio or an I tunes or something to listen to.I stayed home saturday night chilling, just watching t.v..Breaking news,Apple is releasing new phone , I know, but its offical now.Still no price.Stocks are still on downward swing though.i will conced that last week, was one of the worst I have experienced in awhile,and it is not getting any better,but faith i have,hehe.One of them is at least showing some life,and finally hit the pps I bought at.Yes, I am going out again tonight, last night for Natalie and Triggerproof will be playing,maybe I will post some videos.
Deborah Buckley,a friend who was a true friend, that I screwed up.It has been years since we last talked,and I recieved a friend request from her,on facebook. If anyone knows me it is this woman,hehe,and she is one of the few to have seen me through all my ups and downs,my roller coaster of a life. Like a rock she was always there until I screwed it up,tried to find her, but never had any luck,now i discovered she lives in Canada,duhhhh.When i tell her of the twists and turns of my life since her dissapearance, I am sure she will have me laughing as she asks if I am ever gonna learn. I cant wait to talk to her and am sure she will be doing well,and on that note, i am gonna leave to get this house cleaned up. It is hell sleeping on the couch and then waking up to a messy kitchen and living room, oh well, my choice,no regret,sorrow yes, but true to what i thought was right.
Friday, March 18, 2016
Piece of me
It is morning,about 8 a.m.,waiting for the market to open,yawnnn,lordy lordy ,got up at 6 to take wife to work ,which is good but too early for me ,hehehe.Have not posted for a couple ,as I like to do it in private when no one else is around.Really,want to do this but having to push myself,guess i am better at this late at night when my mind is running.
O.k.,lets start with simple,lift some of this haze,and see what happens,I can do this,actually I am now smiling, with thoughts beginning to come forward, on what will appear here out of the recesses of my sparklin highways of thoughts,and the emotional yet toned down influences of the last couple of days.I have learned one thing,when trying to depict an emotional state of being it is best,to do so while its impact,is fresh.Duhhhhh,appears quite logical,but procasteration,is one of my faults.Hold on have to make a phone call,hehe.
I am back,the phone call was to one of my suppliers to see if he had franchise rights to a product I use. Another supply company who has generated business for me,asked what kind of chemical I used to clean a floor,and being a little cautious, about handing out my secrets was hesitant to tell them,thinking he will tell someone else.I learned it is a product that he can not order but has bootlegged in the past for someone else,bad boy.At any rate I have decided on what to do and am glad i took the time to research it.
Oh and just so you know I can not type for a darn and go back to make it more readible for anyone else.Market opens in sec.,so will be right back,hehe.Been kinda rough, for me here lately,account is down 25%,about 500.00,not much to some but a lot to me, and its been crazy cause,i am too heavily invested in one with 25% of my funds in one stock that goes up a little then comes down so i am stuck,more on the down though.Then i had another that shot up for a 100% return and sold it only to watch it go up for a 10 bagger,lordy,these penny stocks are hell, but i am laughing.Oh,well it is what it is and for better or worse, i do have fun with it.
What else has been going on? Hmmmm,night before,this is one that will tickle my memories in the future.Haha,did I habdle the situation right or wrong,I am sure i will wonder about this one quite a bit.Darn stocks keep falling,hehe.To get back to the subject now,for the first time since i have been going out,i asked someone if they would dance with me,momentous occasion,hehe,at any rate she said she would,in the future,and i was elated,hell I was shocked,so anyway,i asked D.J.Beachhouse to find something very sensual to play for the following night,went home checked event calendar at Spinaker club to discover a band i really like was playing the same night as she was.they do this song by Barry White very well and i decided to wait for them to get there and ask if they would play it so I could dance with her to the song.Now,this was ,two nights ago,went to see Natalie Stovall play night before last,and told d,j,Beachouse,not ot bother playing the music.In trying to get his attention the other night I told his wife it was the first time I asked a woman to dance with me which surprised her.I told her all the other woman I danced with had always come up to me after Isaid no to going on the dance floor due to me being married.I explained that it looked like my marriage was heading south and therefore i ahd always constrained myself from asking anyone until I asked Natalie,so when I told Beachouse not too bother with nusic,she gave me a hug,feeling bad for me. Now, i did not go out last night,though I had intended to go to La Vela,and just got caught up on some sleep.Damn,i am sexy,hehe. Just went to take a leak forgot my glasses,went to pick them up,and looked in the mirror quickly and was pleasantly surprised,by my reflection.Actually,it dont happen that often and no I am not that egotistical,but we all have moments and I guess i just had one,hehe.I, do have the other days also.ughhhhhh,hehe.Back to subject,I swear i cant stop smiling,have i no sense,just checked market and stocks are still down,while i am sitting here with a grin on my face,LORDY.Tonight,i will probably go to La Vela and Spinnaker Beach club,just to chill and get my groove on.Grand Theft Audio or GTA,as they are known is playing tonightand there is aband playing at La Vela, I have not heard yet. There is only one bad thing I have noticed about Natalie Stovall and the Drive,once they play,no matter what band is playing next, I can not dance, or rather I have lost the desire to dance,I have no idea, if it is due,well actually i do know,what the hell,she is so good and i am so enraptured,that anything afterwards is BLAHHhhhhhhhh,hehe.So,I have to stand around,bored,wait for the dj to play some and then I get back in the groove,by the next set I am back to dancing,at a lower key of intensity,but still enjoying myself.Anticipation is making me think,is driving me crazy and no matter what,it will be ok.I can not wait for Sunday,hehe,asking for the dance,you know a thousand things could go wrong,hell,everything might,but just the thought that there is a slim chance it may go my way,is making me so damn high,and you know,it is kinda strange.Can we talk,O.K.,lets put it out there,the ,sorry,but i just have to say this is nuch more then i expected to type,write whatever,then when i started,it is like I have been possessed by some typig demon,hehe.O.K.,we back again,haha.So,I have always felt like there was a connection between her and I,usually she will look at me while she plays,but the other night I felt as if she was rtying not to show me any attention.Now,i will be the first to state,I have that ability to see things that are not there, but, I am mainly writing this to try to bring myself down to earth,cause i be flying high,hehe.Reality check.Soaring like this,slipping into quiet,yet exciting, I cant describe it,sitting here so quietly happy,trying so hard to put myself in check,exuberance of a multitude of emotions bursting like sunsflares in space,and my laughter inside,while i try to act normal. calm myself down,knowing for better or worse this is,she is a piece of me,and that I am so endebted to her for the knowledge that i am still capable of these whirlwind feelings,that show I am still alive,with no desire to stop their erratic course through my being,for I feel ALIVE.The price,that knowledge, that all could be for naught,not that i ask for anything,or even worse maybe to discover that i am just another person with no special thoughts in her mind,that,that really is or would be O.K.,I dont know,know her,anymore then she knows me,,the gift I have obtained,the splender,is in experiencing this musical dance,highlighted with so many different colors,explosions of emotion where musical notes sre formed by small explosions of color,across the unfolding blank page of my life,as each moment gets written,I can see the beauty as it becomes a part of who I am. I thank her for who she is,for the gift she gave,even if unwittingly,for becoming a piece of me.
After all this,anything else i write will seem kinda dull,i know the word i want to use,but cant think of it,hehe.Sub climatic,or something like that.While i am sitting here typing this<i checked the market and it is worse,but you know what,that is only money,so many have an excess of it,I have little,but truly I believe I am happier,then they are.Which does not mean I dont worry about paying the bills it simply means money is not rated that high in my list.So I guess I probably end up worrying more then those who have their act together,hehe.
Today I get to go to a bday party for two of my grandkids,that was humorous.First i used have instead of get,changed that because actually they are a gift in my heart and it is actually a joy to watch them grow,and then next using the word grandkids,well it just sounds more ancient then I feel,hehe.And you thought this was easy,haha,naw I am having fun.
Went to act like a responsible person yesterday,actually this is kinda funny.I had to go to the repair shop to pick up a part no.for Donnas car,that they could not find anywhere but ebay,which meant we had to order it. I am running around trying to find the part at carstores and junyards,while trying to quelll my anxiety about what was going on with the stock market as I usually sit there and watch it like a hawk. I also realize i have to start doing more promotion for work and stop paying so much attention to the market,as it does not pay the bills.So,instead of coming home I,being the man I am,hehe,wentand talked to a few people about getting some work and lo and behold, picked up 1200,00 worth,Which of course made me happy,untill i thought about the fact i should be doing this all the time.Oh well, I am getting better,I hope,hehe.
Think I am gonna call it quits here,oh oh,gotta brag a sec.hehe.Cleaned the a/c unit the other night,2 or 3 yrs, no filter and it was caked,could not find a filter that would dtay in,at any rate it sparkles,took like two to three hours but it is like new. A friend of mine gave me some professional cleaner,that stuff burns,and I used all my phones battery power,as i forgt to turn off flashlight,hehe,but it runs great,and I found a filter that works. In my defense,when they put in the unit they put it in 180 degrees out so you could not get filter in.Than told a friend about it and he made some suggestions which worked.So everyone is happy, except me,i do not like cold,as skinny as I am,I love the heat.That is it,life is good. It is now 11am,told you I cant type,but still smiling,and my spellcheck does not work either,hehe.
O.k.,lets start with simple,lift some of this haze,and see what happens,I can do this,actually I am now smiling, with thoughts beginning to come forward, on what will appear here out of the recesses of my sparklin highways of thoughts,and the emotional yet toned down influences of the last couple of days.I have learned one thing,when trying to depict an emotional state of being it is best,to do so while its impact,is fresh.Duhhhhh,appears quite logical,but procasteration,is one of my faults.Hold on have to make a phone call,hehe.
I am back,the phone call was to one of my suppliers to see if he had franchise rights to a product I use. Another supply company who has generated business for me,asked what kind of chemical I used to clean a floor,and being a little cautious, about handing out my secrets was hesitant to tell them,thinking he will tell someone else.I learned it is a product that he can not order but has bootlegged in the past for someone else,bad boy.At any rate I have decided on what to do and am glad i took the time to research it.
Oh and just so you know I can not type for a darn and go back to make it more readible for anyone else.Market opens in sec.,so will be right back,hehe.Been kinda rough, for me here lately,account is down 25%,about 500.00,not much to some but a lot to me, and its been crazy cause,i am too heavily invested in one with 25% of my funds in one stock that goes up a little then comes down so i am stuck,more on the down though.Then i had another that shot up for a 100% return and sold it only to watch it go up for a 10 bagger,lordy,these penny stocks are hell, but i am laughing.Oh,well it is what it is and for better or worse, i do have fun with it.
What else has been going on? Hmmmm,night before,this is one that will tickle my memories in the future.Haha,did I habdle the situation right or wrong,I am sure i will wonder about this one quite a bit.Darn stocks keep falling,hehe.To get back to the subject now,for the first time since i have been going out,i asked someone if they would dance with me,momentous occasion,hehe,at any rate she said she would,in the future,and i was elated,hell I was shocked,so anyway,i asked D.J.Beachhouse to find something very sensual to play for the following night,went home checked event calendar at Spinaker club to discover a band i really like was playing the same night as she was.they do this song by Barry White very well and i decided to wait for them to get there and ask if they would play it so I could dance with her to the song.Now,this was ,two nights ago,went to see Natalie Stovall play night before last,and told d,j,Beachouse,not ot bother playing the music.In trying to get his attention the other night I told his wife it was the first time I asked a woman to dance with me which surprised her.I told her all the other woman I danced with had always come up to me after Isaid no to going on the dance floor due to me being married.I explained that it looked like my marriage was heading south and therefore i ahd always constrained myself from asking anyone until I asked Natalie,so when I told Beachouse not too bother with nusic,she gave me a hug,feeling bad for me. Now, i did not go out last night,though I had intended to go to La Vela,and just got caught up on some sleep.Damn,i am sexy,hehe. Just went to take a leak forgot my glasses,went to pick them up,and looked in the mirror quickly and was pleasantly surprised,by my reflection.Actually,it dont happen that often and no I am not that egotistical,but we all have moments and I guess i just had one,hehe.I, do have the other days also.ughhhhhh,hehe.Back to subject,I swear i cant stop smiling,have i no sense,just checked market and stocks are still down,while i am sitting here with a grin on my face,LORDY.Tonight,i will probably go to La Vela and Spinnaker Beach club,just to chill and get my groove on.Grand Theft Audio or GTA,as they are known is playing tonightand there is aband playing at La Vela, I have not heard yet. There is only one bad thing I have noticed about Natalie Stovall and the Drive,once they play,no matter what band is playing next, I can not dance, or rather I have lost the desire to dance,I have no idea, if it is due,well actually i do know,what the hell,she is so good and i am so enraptured,that anything afterwards is BLAHHhhhhhhhh,hehe.So,I have to stand around,bored,wait for the dj to play some and then I get back in the groove,by the next set I am back to dancing,at a lower key of intensity,but still enjoying myself.Anticipation is making me think,is driving me crazy and no matter what,it will be ok.I can not wait for Sunday,hehe,asking for the dance,you know a thousand things could go wrong,hell,everything might,but just the thought that there is a slim chance it may go my way,is making me so damn high,and you know,it is kinda strange.Can we talk,O.K.,lets put it out there,the ,sorry,but i just have to say this is nuch more then i expected to type,write whatever,then when i started,it is like I have been possessed by some typig demon,hehe.O.K.,we back again,haha.So,I have always felt like there was a connection between her and I,usually she will look at me while she plays,but the other night I felt as if she was rtying not to show me any attention.Now,i will be the first to state,I have that ability to see things that are not there, but, I am mainly writing this to try to bring myself down to earth,cause i be flying high,hehe.Reality check.Soaring like this,slipping into quiet,yet exciting, I cant describe it,sitting here so quietly happy,trying so hard to put myself in check,exuberance of a multitude of emotions bursting like sunsflares in space,and my laughter inside,while i try to act normal. calm myself down,knowing for better or worse this is,she is a piece of me,and that I am so endebted to her for the knowledge that i am still capable of these whirlwind feelings,that show I am still alive,with no desire to stop their erratic course through my being,for I feel ALIVE.The price,that knowledge, that all could be for naught,not that i ask for anything,or even worse maybe to discover that i am just another person with no special thoughts in her mind,that,that really is or would be O.K.,I dont know,know her,anymore then she knows me,,the gift I have obtained,the splender,is in experiencing this musical dance,highlighted with so many different colors,explosions of emotion where musical notes sre formed by small explosions of color,across the unfolding blank page of my life,as each moment gets written,I can see the beauty as it becomes a part of who I am. I thank her for who she is,for the gift she gave,even if unwittingly,for becoming a piece of me.
After all this,anything else i write will seem kinda dull,i know the word i want to use,but cant think of it,hehe.Sub climatic,or something like that.While i am sitting here typing this<i checked the market and it is worse,but you know what,that is only money,so many have an excess of it,I have little,but truly I believe I am happier,then they are.Which does not mean I dont worry about paying the bills it simply means money is not rated that high in my list.So I guess I probably end up worrying more then those who have their act together,hehe.
Today I get to go to a bday party for two of my grandkids,that was humorous.First i used have instead of get,changed that because actually they are a gift in my heart and it is actually a joy to watch them grow,and then next using the word grandkids,well it just sounds more ancient then I feel,hehe.And you thought this was easy,haha,naw I am having fun.
Went to act like a responsible person yesterday,actually this is kinda funny.I had to go to the repair shop to pick up a part no.for Donnas car,that they could not find anywhere but ebay,which meant we had to order it. I am running around trying to find the part at carstores and junyards,while trying to quelll my anxiety about what was going on with the stock market as I usually sit there and watch it like a hawk. I also realize i have to start doing more promotion for work and stop paying so much attention to the market,as it does not pay the bills.So,instead of coming home I,being the man I am,hehe,wentand talked to a few people about getting some work and lo and behold, picked up 1200,00 worth,Which of course made me happy,untill i thought about the fact i should be doing this all the time.Oh well, I am getting better,I hope,hehe.
Think I am gonna call it quits here,oh oh,gotta brag a sec.hehe.Cleaned the a/c unit the other night,2 or 3 yrs, no filter and it was caked,could not find a filter that would dtay in,at any rate it sparkles,took like two to three hours but it is like new. A friend of mine gave me some professional cleaner,that stuff burns,and I used all my phones battery power,as i forgt to turn off flashlight,hehe,but it runs great,and I found a filter that works. In my defense,when they put in the unit they put it in 180 degrees out so you could not get filter in.Than told a friend about it and he made some suggestions which worked.So everyone is happy, except me,i do not like cold,as skinny as I am,I love the heat.That is it,life is good. It is now 11am,told you I cant type,but still smiling,and my spellcheck does not work either,hehe.
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
pixels
Ok,where and how to start.Duhhhhhh,lordy I must be nuts,hehehe. Well, i just watched the movie Pixels,for the first time,well about 2/3 of it and the kid in me loved it,not where she kills the smurf,they are adorable. It was just a good fun movie,at the right time.
Today was a good day,with a rough patch,but i am smiling now,hehe,i wonder ,will I ever grow up? Sometimes I just dont think so,others want to grow up,conquer the world,become rich and famous. Myself,wellllll, i would not mind a little bit of fame, worldwide, of course,hehehe. Actually i have recieved the accolades that mean most to me,I am loved ,respected,sometimes called crazy, and eccentric by those that share a common denominator with me,love.Family ,friends, my peers,,in my world of people close to me,I am cared for.When i have a problem, I am blessed by the fact there is usually someone who will listen,with a desire to make my world better.
My day,without making it too detailed. Woke up,took wife to finish her job,came home watched the stock market,sold a few shares,100.00 worth, about 9:30,went to help her finish the job,came home and watched the market till it closed,taking cat naps during.Picked up a check,which enabled me to pay for cigs and get my machine out out of the shop,broke now,hehe,really must have more desire for money,hehe. Visited my brother,man that boy talked my ear off, not normal for him , but it was great just listening.Went to do the floor at the piggly wiggly express,and was dancing as i worked,it had been a wonderful day.Reality check,wife called asking in an accusatory manner if I used her 20 dollar beal coupon,,and I did not,but what an argument,dug the reciept out,showed it to her and we are back to where we were not long ago. Sad,but this too is life.More on that another time. Oh, met the new owner of Southern,where i get supplies,this is going to be interesting I am sure.
Eyes are twinkling and a smile with a touch of a smirk on my lips,as we leave the duldrums of ensuring my existence,flying to my own Never-never land. Peter pan am I ,with my Tinkerbell secretely inside, flying high,through blue skies,dark clouds,to dance on the light of colored stars,fairy silver,oceanic blue, firey red ,molten orange and teasingly drawing my feet across hungry black stars, thirsting to drink me in,while tinkerbells music keeps me afloat,
I try,with my lousy memory,to remember when last I felt, so much in a simple,innocent hug.To an observer it would appear nice, but not all that,to be involved in it, a dream that became reality,fantasy unlocked,exotically erotic,sensual,beyond lust, merging turned liquid flowing into another,warmth cocooning inside,and out,lost in a slipstream,riding emersed with no thought of drowning,no struggle,not even of the thought this will end,a gift given with no thought from the other,except in innocence,so natural,so quick that there was no time for resistance,the ability to say no or stop,prevented by that touch, An estacy, that had been dreamed of in thoughts of another,now buried in yesterdays,captured me unwittingly through another, with a simple thought for any who read this. When,a dream, becomes real,when lifes beauty can be shown in such a simple gesture and all is that slipstream ride,only then will I stop feeling sorry for the fact,that irregardless of who you are, you have not experienced the beauty of my slipstream ride.
Defenseless, afterwards I rush to erect some form of protection,stating I try to keep my distance,so as not to cause any problems, yet admitting i have always felt a connection,throwing up a shield with words of daring,when in all honesty,even in my fear,I wish her to fall off the edge of this world,entering mine.Knowing it will not be,the edge of the moment sharper,finer than a cold wind through an unseen crack.Nothing is lost,when what has been gained is immeasurable,unfathomable,and beautiful. Beyond all description.
Amazment,keeps rearing,why? Satisfied, If there is to be nothing else,this would be enough.
lets do this-time
Time, a unit or measurement that has been devised by man so we can mark moments of importance to us.Time,those events of emotional change which occur without any regard for time affecting our emotional being,unmeasurable in their spontaneous,unexpected, and overpowering ability to change our outlook on life.Occurances,where time ,as measured by man has no meaning,a shift where a second becomes a moment,five minutes fly by to fast to comprehend the passage,and
actually defined by the event,time here does not exist in a way that it can be measured by science,the event occuring redefining it by its impact upon who am i am,the shift into this other time measured by changing who i am, reborn in some manner. Small changes,unnoticed by all, to changes noticed by many.
Emotional i am,with no shame in that. I measure my life not by the the time of the atomic clock.Measurement of my life has been through the slipstrean of the other time ,where time does not exist to be measured by science but the impact of emotion,through an act,or thought.
Good or bad,its affect is one that changes who i am,its effect,unmeasurable,sometimes life altering,at other times,momentary but always,always,evicting some change in who i am.Rarely is it a moment that can be measured by science,the explosion occuring with swiftness like the sting of a bee, slipping into that undefinable time stream.
I am smiling,just had to go take a leak,and coming out looked in the mirror, my hair is kinda flying up from laying on the couch and watching tv. Inside of me i feel like there is a big smile painted,as i have experienced one of slipstreams in time.A good one,and i know in all honesty I dont feel like I am as old as science says,yet a photo has also informed i am,hehe. 2:20 am and i am like a kid,with the knowledge I am an adult, an older one, ok i said it. 60,I am ,I wrote that just to see if i could,haha,but be damned if i believe it or act it.
I looked at the date on my last post and could not believe it has been so long,not that the time just slipped away,or that there has not beem plenty to write about.Honestly, i think i was just scared,
of being honest,because here i dont lie,kinda defeats the purpose when you lie to yourself,of being judged,and also the not liking what i read after i post it.
When i began this blog,I aint gonna lie I wanted people,I know to read it.Now I sit here and wonder if that was really a good idea, truth can be a bitch,hehe.My truths may not concurr with anothers but its my blog and they can dispute it it but i have the right to state what i believe,hehe.
Life is beautiful,not always and there have been some really bad things that have happened in my life since i last posted,but there is a beauty in just living life.The bad things well,they just serve to make the ordinary,beautiful,and the the beautiful things, amazing.
I really should get some sleep, I have to get up at seven and do the socially correct thing of being responsible,hehe.i turn the tv off sometimes to make sure i go to sleep sometimes,and cant believe how that little act makes me feel like an adult,cause i really would rather stay up and watch it ,hehe.
I,feel so silly,I have yet to have said one thing about why i am writing again and feel like a kid with a secret,that only he knows,the unveiling will be piece by piece,but just as a reminder to myself,hehe,let s seeeeeeeeeeeee.
Clouds,purple,red,blue and grey,soft winds carress skin,eyes roam the heavens,a smile in evolution,warmth bathing me,as the clouds part,a ray of sunshine on my body just parked,a singular ray all on its own,found me ,warmed me and in that brief moment,time has gone,and the slipstream is
here.
Anyone else may not understand,but I will,and now i am smiling with laughter in my heart,and in my private moment of sinful arrogance,i say ,not bad, Marino,not bad at all. hehehehehe
Saturday, November 30, 2013
THANKSGIVING AND THE METAMORPHOSIS OF A BUTTERFLY
Its saturday two days after thanksgiving, a quiet day in comparison to the days before. I played a lot of combat arms,slept late, visited my mother, talked to my carol, my first wife about marino and generally did nothing else. I did some thinking ,hehe, but more on that later or some other time.
Thanksgiving was nice, frantic as usual, but a really good time. donna was cooking all night the night before,cooking a ham, turkey, and stuffing, all tasty with her special touch, she is a feeler not a measurer so its always a little different, always good.pies of every variety, apple,mixed berry, cherry, i cant even think of all of them.since christine was working, rocky had to do the cooking there, deep frying a turkey, and of course there was green bean casserole,corn , cornbread ,vegetables of all types,yams golden brown, topped with marshmallows,all in all a succulent meal not only for the belly but for your eyes.NOW IF ONLY THEY WOULD START HAVING COFFEE, CRAZY, BUT NO COFFEE.hehehehe. express lane is just around the corner though. we got there early, so donna could help rocky out, about 2 pm, and everyone was there around 4 for dinner. ohyeah, this year we brought my mother with us, usually she does thanksgiving with the church but came with us this year,which was enjoyable.
i dont know why but lately i have become increasingly concerned with her, like she has always been self dependant and all that, but she seems a little frailer, and unnaturally for me find myself concerned about her, not just her health, but i am more worried about her being lonely. that sucks no matter your age.
a splendid time it was, i did feel more a part of,not reflecting so much on the past when all would come to our house, donna , does not mind cooking but i feel she is burnt out on the big hurrah of yesteryear, and me well i guess i have accepted the fact my input does not carry the weight it used to. donna bought a table for the children to sit at, it used to be used in grammar school , so it was just the right height for them,with the younger ones loving the chairs and the idea they rated their own table,hehehe. donna sat with the kids and they were all content, with grandma being there, attending to them.the rest of us,the adults sprawled through out the living room and the office foyer outside the kitchen. everyone content, good conversation through out, accompanied by, the social media of i pads, computers, and cell phones, hehehe.how did we ever survive without them in the past,hehehe.
michele and christene got into a little tiff over who could climb the rope on rockys treehouse, which turned into a contest between all the girls,including linda. it was a spectacle in itself,first they were going to wear shoes then changed their minds, going barefoot which had already been suggested but they nayed, until seeing the children doing it that way,hehehe. then they wanted a stop watch used , in case it was close,and they were insistent on it,hehehe.social media does have its place ,because it was hilarious watching all the girls trying to figure out the best way to shimmy up the rope and their efforts were recorded for all to enjoy in the future....michele, complaining about her not having enough upper body strength, christene vehemently insisting she would win and linda scampering up the knots with her toes as if she did it every day,hehehe. it was a lot of fun and will be a memory of this thanksgiving. oh afterwards, they did time the videos to see who won, but i am sure there will be arguments over this,hehehe.
the pleasant surprise of the evening for me was lindas interaction , usually she seems a little distant, but on this day she was flitting from one to another, with the social grace i had always envisioned her of, even includinG me, which was shocking to me as i have felt she wanted as much distance as possible between us. i am just a messed up individual, and it was nice relaxing afterwards even though i think too much for my own good .
well not really relaxing donna wanted to go shopping so we did the wal mart black friday shuffle and also hit big lots, i was tired but it was a good tired,and i have no complaints.so with love to all and the appreciation of those who made my day so good thankyou,love you ,marino
Thanksgiving was nice, frantic as usual, but a really good time. donna was cooking all night the night before,cooking a ham, turkey, and stuffing, all tasty with her special touch, she is a feeler not a measurer so its always a little different, always good.pies of every variety, apple,mixed berry, cherry, i cant even think of all of them.since christine was working, rocky had to do the cooking there, deep frying a turkey, and of course there was green bean casserole,corn , cornbread ,vegetables of all types,yams golden brown, topped with marshmallows,all in all a succulent meal not only for the belly but for your eyes.NOW IF ONLY THEY WOULD START HAVING COFFEE, CRAZY, BUT NO COFFEE.hehehehe. express lane is just around the corner though. we got there early, so donna could help rocky out, about 2 pm, and everyone was there around 4 for dinner. ohyeah, this year we brought my mother with us, usually she does thanksgiving with the church but came with us this year,which was enjoyable.
i dont know why but lately i have become increasingly concerned with her, like she has always been self dependant and all that, but she seems a little frailer, and unnaturally for me find myself concerned about her, not just her health, but i am more worried about her being lonely. that sucks no matter your age.
a splendid time it was, i did feel more a part of,not reflecting so much on the past when all would come to our house, donna , does not mind cooking but i feel she is burnt out on the big hurrah of yesteryear, and me well i guess i have accepted the fact my input does not carry the weight it used to. donna bought a table for the children to sit at, it used to be used in grammar school , so it was just the right height for them,with the younger ones loving the chairs and the idea they rated their own table,hehehe. donna sat with the kids and they were all content, with grandma being there, attending to them.the rest of us,the adults sprawled through out the living room and the office foyer outside the kitchen. everyone content, good conversation through out, accompanied by, the social media of i pads, computers, and cell phones, hehehe.how did we ever survive without them in the past,hehehe.
michele and christene got into a little tiff over who could climb the rope on rockys treehouse, which turned into a contest between all the girls,including linda. it was a spectacle in itself,first they were going to wear shoes then changed their minds, going barefoot which had already been suggested but they nayed, until seeing the children doing it that way,hehehe. then they wanted a stop watch used , in case it was close,and they were insistent on it,hehehe.social media does have its place ,because it was hilarious watching all the girls trying to figure out the best way to shimmy up the rope and their efforts were recorded for all to enjoy in the future....michele, complaining about her not having enough upper body strength, christene vehemently insisting she would win and linda scampering up the knots with her toes as if she did it every day,hehehe. it was a lot of fun and will be a memory of this thanksgiving. oh afterwards, they did time the videos to see who won, but i am sure there will be arguments over this,hehehe.
the pleasant surprise of the evening for me was lindas interaction , usually she seems a little distant, but on this day she was flitting from one to another, with the social grace i had always envisioned her of, even includinG me, which was shocking to me as i have felt she wanted as much distance as possible between us. i am just a messed up individual, and it was nice relaxing afterwards even though i think too much for my own good .
well not really relaxing donna wanted to go shopping so we did the wal mart black friday shuffle and also hit big lots, i was tired but it was a good tired,and i have no complaints.so with love to all and the appreciation of those who made my day so good thankyou,love you ,marino
Friday, November 29, 2013
Old, young, why not just accept me for me.
lordy,lordy,guess there is a first time for everything,hehe, i am trying to do some work on my blog while watching the three little ones,stormy is 12 so she basically takes care of herself, as long as she has her phone,hehe. Rocky is playing c.o. d., which makes me jealous as i would like to be on comat arms, but for some reason their computer wont run it properly. It comes on but the lag is unbelievable,the youngest one she just roams from person to person entertaining herself ,Madison her sister is content as long as you give her attention on demand, in between watching t.v..
got here around 9 am and it has been a pretty good time, they are repainting little rockys room, so i took out a door frame to put in wall board to replace the door, then me and the girls covered the dimples and nail holes in the rest of the room, with joint compound. messy but fun, rocky was on the computer,watching mine craft videos, and stormy social networking on her phone. now i am just waiting for the joint compound to dry and retouch it.
Stormy, made us sandwiches, edible but hilarious, then me and the 2 younger girls went to my van so i could smoke, and while there the girls decided to clean up the van some which was a good idea,procrastinator that i am , knew it needed doing but kept putting it off. so now at least the dash is clean thanks to them.
Yes,been dying without coffee, just went to express lane grabbed a cup of coffee, and got the little ones some sour candy.it is getting cold out, i hate the cold weather, but guess i will have to deal with it. it is also not easy to type without my smokes but anything is possible, so coping in best possible fashion possible, thinking of having a smoke, typing listenng to the children, ensuring all is good and staying busy,hehe. so now that i have said all this, going to brave the cold and have a smoke,hehehe,brb.
reminder, when i get back inside this blog is to deal with issue of young and old, in game and life.
Yikes it is the day after thanksgiving and i am just now getting back,oh well, good thing i saved the draft,hehe.
Young and old ,I am amazed by the number of times i have shocked people when they are told my age. Whether it is in game, where they swear i sound and act like someone in their twenties, or in real life when they are surprised because they find my energy, and the way i interact with others, indicative of someone of younger years,and it does not hurt that i do have a semi youthful appearance. I have been told by others that they are grateful to have met me, simply because i have shown them that life does not stop at my age and that they will treasure my memory in future years, simply because they now believe there is life when you get older.Funny isnt it, well to me anyway. However it has brought me sadness, when i think of those who judge me just on the appearance, of being a member of the older generation. People, cast you into a generic pool , without even making the attempt to discover who you are. Men, assume you know all the answers, when if you have read my blog, know I am searching for answers myself. More experiences I have had then some but not all and many have suffered more, learning more about lifes more unpleasant side. Women, tend to put you in the, he is too old , not taking the time to discover who I am . Now here I will state that women of foreign origin seem not to be as rigid in this way of thinking, more likely to engage a person in conversation and not hold prejudice due to a mans age. As a society, we are often surprised by the relationships, of the winter,spring type,however in other countries, they are often looked at little prejudice. The funny thing is I enjoy life as much, maybe more then when i was young, appreciating those things that bring me joy, instead of simply accepting them as my due. This is really an issue for philosophy, and I quite simply wanted to say something as it has affected me, in some ways. Dancing, I will admit , sometimes i watch the younger ones kinda poke fun at an older persons method of dancing, instead of respecting the fact it may have been an act of courage to subject themselves to the pettiness of youthful ire. I do know life ,the act of being oneself,when leaving yourself open, to the maybe not even intentional, witticisms and mannerisms of a younger age group, is not always easy. I , myself worry about the effect their attitude will have on me, and yet I do applaud myself for not allowing them to stop me from being myself. Yes, it takes me awhile to work up the courage, get lost in the moment, but I do love me and have denied myself enough things in life, that I will attempt not to lose myself in the progress, label me as i am, but respect me for refusing to be other then I am , for itys cost has been expensive and I am still not done paying, but thats alright, I smile and all is good,love ya ,marino.
got here around 9 am and it has been a pretty good time, they are repainting little rockys room, so i took out a door frame to put in wall board to replace the door, then me and the girls covered the dimples and nail holes in the rest of the room, with joint compound. messy but fun, rocky was on the computer,watching mine craft videos, and stormy social networking on her phone. now i am just waiting for the joint compound to dry and retouch it.
Stormy, made us sandwiches, edible but hilarious, then me and the 2 younger girls went to my van so i could smoke, and while there the girls decided to clean up the van some which was a good idea,procrastinator that i am , knew it needed doing but kept putting it off. so now at least the dash is clean thanks to them.
Yes,been dying without coffee, just went to express lane grabbed a cup of coffee, and got the little ones some sour candy.it is getting cold out, i hate the cold weather, but guess i will have to deal with it. it is also not easy to type without my smokes but anything is possible, so coping in best possible fashion possible, thinking of having a smoke, typing listenng to the children, ensuring all is good and staying busy,hehe. so now that i have said all this, going to brave the cold and have a smoke,hehehe,brb.
reminder, when i get back inside this blog is to deal with issue of young and old, in game and life.
Yikes it is the day after thanksgiving and i am just now getting back,oh well, good thing i saved the draft,hehe.
Young and old ,I am amazed by the number of times i have shocked people when they are told my age. Whether it is in game, where they swear i sound and act like someone in their twenties, or in real life when they are surprised because they find my energy, and the way i interact with others, indicative of someone of younger years,and it does not hurt that i do have a semi youthful appearance. I have been told by others that they are grateful to have met me, simply because i have shown them that life does not stop at my age and that they will treasure my memory in future years, simply because they now believe there is life when you get older.Funny isnt it, well to me anyway. However it has brought me sadness, when i think of those who judge me just on the appearance, of being a member of the older generation. People, cast you into a generic pool , without even making the attempt to discover who you are. Men, assume you know all the answers, when if you have read my blog, know I am searching for answers myself. More experiences I have had then some but not all and many have suffered more, learning more about lifes more unpleasant side. Women, tend to put you in the, he is too old , not taking the time to discover who I am . Now here I will state that women of foreign origin seem not to be as rigid in this way of thinking, more likely to engage a person in conversation and not hold prejudice due to a mans age. As a society, we are often surprised by the relationships, of the winter,spring type,however in other countries, they are often looked at little prejudice. The funny thing is I enjoy life as much, maybe more then when i was young, appreciating those things that bring me joy, instead of simply accepting them as my due. This is really an issue for philosophy, and I quite simply wanted to say something as it has affected me, in some ways. Dancing, I will admit , sometimes i watch the younger ones kinda poke fun at an older persons method of dancing, instead of respecting the fact it may have been an act of courage to subject themselves to the pettiness of youthful ire. I do know life ,the act of being oneself,when leaving yourself open, to the maybe not even intentional, witticisms and mannerisms of a younger age group, is not always easy. I , myself worry about the effect their attitude will have on me, and yet I do applaud myself for not allowing them to stop me from being myself. Yes, it takes me awhile to work up the courage, get lost in the moment, but I do love me and have denied myself enough things in life, that I will attempt not to lose myself in the progress, label me as i am, but respect me for refusing to be other then I am , for itys cost has been expensive and I am still not done paying, but thats alright, I smile and all is good,love ya ,marino.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
another catch up, when will i learn,hehehe
A week after i wrote my last post i fully intended to write another about the lack of sex in my life for the last 3 or 4 years. The admission of such ,especially with me being married and living with my wife, tended to make me feel less then, a man, and as if i was some how a failure.That has not changed but if it affects me that much, i felt, though it has taken awhile, it must be said or the denial would should more of a weakness that would also inhibit me from writing my blog, in order not to confront it.Being honest here is not always easy, nor should it be, or this would all be a lie.Hell of a thing to lie to yourself, even if it is in the future, and easier i guess.Sorry, had to make some coffee, do the dishes and turn on the music, OH YEAH SWEET,now my world is all good. I guess i am easily satisfied,hehehe.Back to the subject, maybe what scares me, is it may be my future,i could not have envisioned in my past, a time when i would have accepted or been able to live without the physical attention of another.Not just the physical but also the emotional aspect of loves intimacy. I am all for sex even or especially with someone you love,but there is also even during a fierce bout of activity a look,a soft kiss that conveys the love within, or just the snuggle up afterwards when all is well with the world. I can not say it is all the wifes fault, she is not happy about her appearance,which i have tried to show her is fine with me. I, even though shy, have had advances, hehehee, which I nullified by various ways. My wife even offered to fool around one night after she had had a few drinks for the first time in awhile, now it was only due to her being buzzed, and maybe I was wrong but I told her I would rather wait till she was not quite so buzzed, at least the first time, at which point she passed out.Hehehehe. With other women i have no idea if it is the fear of my dick being too small,hehehe, getting a disease or worst of all falling for her, mistaking sexual happiness for emotional happiness. The intimacy, the emotion, the love shared that is what i miss, what i hunger for that feeling where i look in those eyes, feel her arms,the weight ,her enfolding me and escape from whatever is wrong.Masterbation , serves its purpose,and even if done with another, hehehe, to me is just that.Maybe thats why i do not think it is wrong for a person to be sexual with another even if in a relationship, but would go to war over someone trying to hold my girls hand. I guess i am just lonely, and when the world , especially yours is disintegrating, or changing it would be nice to have the comfort of your lover in a physical form.I guess thats it, for now, be glad i hate this typing stuff, hehehe, there is so much more i actually have to say about this. But, I apologize , have to put this in for it is going to be brief, the thought is large though.Would i feel as if i was cheating on someone? Now this is complicated,in some ways, but also simple,so without saying too much, it goes like this,what if i dont because with anyone else it would be a betrayal of someone. That has been quite simply the case, ,maybe stupid, maybe for all the wrong reasons,but a fact. Of which this would be incomplete in its whole without the mention of. Now I can move on,hehehe, funny how those things of greatest magnitude are the ones that sneak up and slap us in the face,hehehe.
Time to take the backwards, ugh I hate this, first I have no mind, second i cant remember shit so it is a little more difficult for me then others.
West Coast Killers, Greatfulded asked again about me joining the clan and this time we worked all the kinks out, ensuring the right e-mail addresses and such were done. We finished all the essentials yesterday and I received notice I would be a member starting today. Humor, is in the fact, a member of X Conz, a clan formed after my original clan dissolved , yesterday asked if I would join them,hahaha. It was a remember when for me, sad in that as i explained to him, for me there would be to much emotional cause and effect, in addition there could be no replacing my former clan. So here is a new beginning for me, in my gaming community.
Things are a little tense around the house due to a couple we have allowed to stay with us. Originally, it was supposed to be for a couple of days , they have now overstayed their welcome , and unfortunately i had to put my foot down. They have been staying with us for over a month and had been making no effort to better their situation. Saving no money for a place of their own ,failing to contribute to the bills , eating everything ,and showing no social skills what so ever.The wife had been trying to help them and after observing their behavior, I wanted to say something, but she told me to give them a chance, finally they got to the point where even she got frustrated, and I stepped in , now they will be out tomorrow, we did give them until he gets paid tomorrow so i dont feel guilty about it. Giving someone a hand up, I have no problem with been there,needed that, but to take advantage, and not improve a bad state, lo piss me off. So that will be an improvement in our state also.
Work, well it has been up and down,same ole, same ole. Got all the bills paid with the exception of the car insurance, which will be paid next week,hehehe.My biggest problem being I cant seem to pick up steady work, but it does come in in bits and pieces. Nerve wracking to say the least,hehe. On a brighter note the wife got a job, she will be starting next Monday, and it even has health benefits, for the both of us. The dental is what i cant wait for,hehe. I dont deny there is a feeling of guilt in me, she never had to work before, and honestly, we could probably get by on what i do obtain for work, the reality is its better for us in the long run, myself included. I had just pulled a machine out of the shop took a couple of months, ran it for a couple hours, wham bam, down it goes right in the middle of a job that i was doing for the first time. Back in the shop it goes, how much this time I have no idea, and on top of that the propane buffer i spent 500.00 fixing died and there is no repairing it .Maybe someone is trying to tell me something and i just wont listen, hehehe.
Dance, hehehe, how can we not talk about it. First I missed the Halloween party at La Vela, as they did it the week before. I had planned to go, even telling Donna that though it cost 10 for admission i was going to both Spinnakers and La Vela, as i dont spend much on myself, ensuring that Donna gets to go to bingo everyday. It would have been the first time to dance at La velas this year due to finances and not buying a vip pass there this year, ahhh, woe is me. Spinnakers was simply awesome, the people in costume great and the atmosphere was fun. I had a great night the band was superb, finally a good band, and dont you know my leg gave me problems, but still a wonderful night for my memories.
My physical shape? I feel fat!!! And i am hating it , my leg has been giving me problems, when i dance, my six pack is almost none existent, my chest almost no definition and arms, well they look skinny. I have no choice but to start working out, not so much for muscle, love of the dance. I find myself getting winded too easy,and where i am usually attuned like a spring feel a little listless now.This worries the hell out of me for there is so much joy and passion in it for me.The only problem is the wife is dead set against it, funny huh, but it is one of the few things that i am going to be adamant about. I hate the idea myself, but for love of the dance i am willing to endure it.
Dr. Gooding, I was paying a bill at the cable company, a few weeks ago and this lady says hi Marino. I turn to say hello, it must have shown on my face I did not recognize her, as she introduced herself as Theresa, Dr. Goodings wife. She asked why I had not been to see Dr. Gooding, who is currently in a rest home. Being myself, I told her that from her attitude toward me previously, i had been afraid she would have me arrested or something. At ant rate we had a nice conversation, shed some tears over the misunderstanding, yes in the middle of the office, and got everything straightened out.Sometimes life does wonderful things. I had been trying to figure which bill to pay and for some reason decided to pay the cable, fate maybe. Dr, Gooding had hired me to do his floor at home and we had gotten to know each other fairly well, and there had been times when faced with a situation or problem, he would be the one I would go to. A father figure, similar to Ron Brown, Brownie as everyone called him. He was a well respected member of the medical field,especially in his field, which was anesthesiology, not only in the civilian world but also the Marines. He also helped found a school of anesthesiology, which was named after him. Since our reconciliation, I have been to visit him , at least every other week. Which for me, is kinda remarkable, but so is he, unfortunately he suffers from dementia, a disease that attacks your mind, and its ability to remember things. I have learned a lot from this situation, they had planned to retire, travel and enjoy life, and everything flipped on them. He had been one of those who liked to stay in shape, was fiercely independet, and helped those he believed in. Now he is taken care of , their finances are no longer lucrative and his wife, resides in a constant state of anxiety. I have decide to try and do my best to help them, this man who fate put in my life, deserves that. I do not know what I can do but started by visiting Rep. Patronis, to see if i could get some help in setting up a non profit thing or something. At any rate, I may not have any idea on what to do but be damned if I am not going to try. I wonder if this is in someway connected with the death of my father, who i loved unconditionally, but still feel as if I could have shown more, there is no doubt, that he knew and felt my love for him, but maybe I do not feel as if i did not do enough for him. I think of him , my father alot, sometimes feeling closer to him in death, then in real world, talking to him in spirit. I believe that if more people knew of Dr. Goodings finances they would be more then willing to help, it is just that most people assumed they were financially solvent, insurance covered it or the veterans affairs, the reality is it costs thousands of dollars every month, that they are running out of finances, and i want to do something. Even though I am broke I can still attempt to do something, for if not, i would have difficulty in living with myself.
My son, Mike is doing well for himself, bragging on saving money and the fact that he is doing so legally,hehehe. Proud of that, we dont talk much but we are there for each other when needed, what more can you ask for. Marino should be getting out soon, sometime next year, that will be an interesting time, and i am sure it will be full of ups and downs.With mike moving up north, it looks as if Marino will be staying with me, an interesting situation to be sure. I believe I got most of what has been going on and there is always tomorrow if not, for it is time to be gaming, love always ,Marino.
Time to take the backwards, ugh I hate this, first I have no mind, second i cant remember shit so it is a little more difficult for me then others.
West Coast Killers, Greatfulded asked again about me joining the clan and this time we worked all the kinks out, ensuring the right e-mail addresses and such were done. We finished all the essentials yesterday and I received notice I would be a member starting today. Humor, is in the fact, a member of X Conz, a clan formed after my original clan dissolved , yesterday asked if I would join them,hahaha. It was a remember when for me, sad in that as i explained to him, for me there would be to much emotional cause and effect, in addition there could be no replacing my former clan. So here is a new beginning for me, in my gaming community.
Things are a little tense around the house due to a couple we have allowed to stay with us. Originally, it was supposed to be for a couple of days , they have now overstayed their welcome , and unfortunately i had to put my foot down. They have been staying with us for over a month and had been making no effort to better their situation. Saving no money for a place of their own ,failing to contribute to the bills , eating everything ,and showing no social skills what so ever.The wife had been trying to help them and after observing their behavior, I wanted to say something, but she told me to give them a chance, finally they got to the point where even she got frustrated, and I stepped in , now they will be out tomorrow, we did give them until he gets paid tomorrow so i dont feel guilty about it. Giving someone a hand up, I have no problem with been there,needed that, but to take advantage, and not improve a bad state, lo piss me off. So that will be an improvement in our state also.
Work, well it has been up and down,same ole, same ole. Got all the bills paid with the exception of the car insurance, which will be paid next week,hehehe.My biggest problem being I cant seem to pick up steady work, but it does come in in bits and pieces. Nerve wracking to say the least,hehe. On a brighter note the wife got a job, she will be starting next Monday, and it even has health benefits, for the both of us. The dental is what i cant wait for,hehe. I dont deny there is a feeling of guilt in me, she never had to work before, and honestly, we could probably get by on what i do obtain for work, the reality is its better for us in the long run, myself included. I had just pulled a machine out of the shop took a couple of months, ran it for a couple hours, wham bam, down it goes right in the middle of a job that i was doing for the first time. Back in the shop it goes, how much this time I have no idea, and on top of that the propane buffer i spent 500.00 fixing died and there is no repairing it .Maybe someone is trying to tell me something and i just wont listen, hehehe.
Dance, hehehe, how can we not talk about it. First I missed the Halloween party at La Vela, as they did it the week before. I had planned to go, even telling Donna that though it cost 10 for admission i was going to both Spinnakers and La Vela, as i dont spend much on myself, ensuring that Donna gets to go to bingo everyday. It would have been the first time to dance at La velas this year due to finances and not buying a vip pass there this year, ahhh, woe is me. Spinnakers was simply awesome, the people in costume great and the atmosphere was fun. I had a great night the band was superb, finally a good band, and dont you know my leg gave me problems, but still a wonderful night for my memories.
My physical shape? I feel fat!!! And i am hating it , my leg has been giving me problems, when i dance, my six pack is almost none existent, my chest almost no definition and arms, well they look skinny. I have no choice but to start working out, not so much for muscle, love of the dance. I find myself getting winded too easy,and where i am usually attuned like a spring feel a little listless now.This worries the hell out of me for there is so much joy and passion in it for me.The only problem is the wife is dead set against it, funny huh, but it is one of the few things that i am going to be adamant about. I hate the idea myself, but for love of the dance i am willing to endure it.
Dr. Gooding, I was paying a bill at the cable company, a few weeks ago and this lady says hi Marino. I turn to say hello, it must have shown on my face I did not recognize her, as she introduced herself as Theresa, Dr. Goodings wife. She asked why I had not been to see Dr. Gooding, who is currently in a rest home. Being myself, I told her that from her attitude toward me previously, i had been afraid she would have me arrested or something. At ant rate we had a nice conversation, shed some tears over the misunderstanding, yes in the middle of the office, and got everything straightened out.Sometimes life does wonderful things. I had been trying to figure which bill to pay and for some reason decided to pay the cable, fate maybe. Dr, Gooding had hired me to do his floor at home and we had gotten to know each other fairly well, and there had been times when faced with a situation or problem, he would be the one I would go to. A father figure, similar to Ron Brown, Brownie as everyone called him. He was a well respected member of the medical field,especially in his field, which was anesthesiology, not only in the civilian world but also the Marines. He also helped found a school of anesthesiology, which was named after him. Since our reconciliation, I have been to visit him , at least every other week. Which for me, is kinda remarkable, but so is he, unfortunately he suffers from dementia, a disease that attacks your mind, and its ability to remember things. I have learned a lot from this situation, they had planned to retire, travel and enjoy life, and everything flipped on them. He had been one of those who liked to stay in shape, was fiercely independet, and helped those he believed in. Now he is taken care of , their finances are no longer lucrative and his wife, resides in a constant state of anxiety. I have decide to try and do my best to help them, this man who fate put in my life, deserves that. I do not know what I can do but started by visiting Rep. Patronis, to see if i could get some help in setting up a non profit thing or something. At any rate, I may not have any idea on what to do but be damned if I am not going to try. I wonder if this is in someway connected with the death of my father, who i loved unconditionally, but still feel as if I could have shown more, there is no doubt, that he knew and felt my love for him, but maybe I do not feel as if i did not do enough for him. I think of him , my father alot, sometimes feeling closer to him in death, then in real world, talking to him in spirit. I believe that if more people knew of Dr. Goodings finances they would be more then willing to help, it is just that most people assumed they were financially solvent, insurance covered it or the veterans affairs, the reality is it costs thousands of dollars every month, that they are running out of finances, and i want to do something. Even though I am broke I can still attempt to do something, for if not, i would have difficulty in living with myself.
My son, Mike is doing well for himself, bragging on saving money and the fact that he is doing so legally,hehehe. Proud of that, we dont talk much but we are there for each other when needed, what more can you ask for. Marino should be getting out soon, sometime next year, that will be an interesting time, and i am sure it will be full of ups and downs.With mike moving up north, it looks as if Marino will be staying with me, an interesting situation to be sure. I believe I got most of what has been going on and there is always tomorrow if not, for it is time to be gaming, love always ,Marino.
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