waiting on the laundry

       I know , hard to believe 2 days in a row, but , that just goes to show you i  like to change it up, hehehehe. Actually, i am waiting for some clothes to dry so i can get the next couple of loads done, one uniforms for Donna and the some rags for cleaning, oh the joy, hahahaha. You know, i clean this house every day , do the dishes, laundry, make the bed, all that good stuff. Even when i am working full time, the reason is that when i was a bachelor, i never had anyone picking up after me, so i did it myself, and then when i did meet Donna , she did not like cleaning house too much and being a neat freak, i would end up doing it myself. As one of the girls said thats one thing they learned from me,hehehe.Its that instant gratification thing i think, clean it up and bam, it looks better right away, now that dose not mean i don't appreciate some effort on others part, but it is a rare thing when it does happen. Yes, i do get pissed once in awhile, at the rest for not trying harder, however i have to put the blame on myself, for not being more insistent on their help. Yup, done it to myself,hahaha.
      I was supposed to go to naval base today, but actually thought i told her i would call before my arrival,and she thought i would be there at 9am. On such mistakes are contracts lost, or the potential at any rate. I will definitely be on time tomorrow. ok, what else is going on,oh yeah, my propane buffer is ready. The shop called me today,and informed me they got one machine out of the two i have. They salvaged parts off both machines and got me a good buffer, I am so glad that i did not throw the other one away, it saved my butt.It cost me about 300.00, so it is one of those situations where i am going to have to borrow from peter to pay paul. Its not as bad as it seems though, i fixed my wet vac,had to put my swing machine, dual speed in and propane, all this month. With a little bit of luck that should wrap it up for a little bit anyway.
    The county told me that we were going to finish the rest of the floors soon, so that will get me some extra cash for gas and such as to get more work. My biggest problem is no web site, I tried to get that one they have on t.v., but after waiting over an hour, i finally hung up. On and on it goes,oh well another day, another play. I guess thats it for now,have to check the laundry, so enjoy this ,hope your chores are done and have a good one,love to you,me.

playing catch up after being depressed

         There are times when i would like to be able to lie on my blog, then i would not have to concern myself with what i say. I know that when i am having a rough time, depressed or anxious, i will sometimes wish to record it but don't for who knows who will read this, and my name is on it. Being the owner of a small business, i do moderate to some extent some of what i say. Why , don't i keep a diary, or some other form  to log those things? To do so would , tend to make this blog a fallacy, in my eyes, this way, though i do restrain myself, i also ensure i make mention, however fleeting of all things, in order to remain honest with myself.
         The day after my last post, i awoke in a slightly depressed state, which continued to worsen ,even when there was good news or things occurred that should have put a better spin in my darkening thoughts.I found myself in a funk , there was a meaningless to my battles with Kroger, Express Lane, and worse, a belief that my beliefs were false. Borne of too many books read, a false sense of what is right, and a piece of humble pie, when considering the odds. I love life, enjoy even the smallest things, and i do get scared when these moments arise. Suicidal, not me ,but the thoughts do arise, and then as justification, i think of how David Dillon,C.E.O. of Kroger , Bob President of Express Lane, or Mark Schoffer, would feel knowing it was a direct action of their inability to see the truth. Whoa, then i realize it would mean nothing to them, I am simply just another person, a vendor who used to work for them. See, the truth really is that simple, It is a world of big business, and people,individuals, are only of import, in the moment, and my moment has passed.
     Kandi Baisch, out of idle curiosity,which killed the cat,hehehe, i looked up, on the web, to find it appears she has been promoted to operations. I was happy for her, and also pissed  that she was paid no price for contributing to my demise.  It made feel less then, especially when i had never intended to cause any problems between her and Kroger. .Initially i even tried to communicate that to her, till she pulled the stunt of meeting with big Knox, hiring him , knowing he was working for me.Ah, hell time to get off this subject before i depress myself,hehehe.
      Scottys birthday was today and i have to admit, his sisters made me proud, they all got together for him and drove down to wish him a happy b-day. Christine made him a cake and they all showed him how special he is to them. Pretty good day all told and they gave me a sense of pride in the fact i, in a small way ,helped to shape these wonderful people into who they are.
     Saturday,yes i am going backwards,hehehe, was not too bad ,i was dead broke no money,for cigs,gas, i even had to borrow some money from Donna, just to keep the place running. I did get a small check in the mail which i was ohhh, ever so grateful for. I have truly learned to appreciate a buck a lot more.This is gonna sound crazy for sure. I just got up to check the dryer, doing Donnas uniform, and i FOUND 10 DOLLARS, in the dryer. No, i was washing some of my pants too, so it could be mine,hehehe, i will split with her in the morning so i don't feel guilty. Now where was i?  Ok, when i went to the store next door ,nick asked if i would clean up a small reset for him,so i told him no problem.His brother Sam was also there, i used to do his floors until he started lying to me, after which i told him to use someone else. He approached me and asked if i would reconsider working with him,I know i need the money, but it did leave a bad taste in my mouth. I think what i am going to do is type a proposal amenable to us both with a contract in reference to frequency of service and what day the work will be done if not upheld then ,it will be a case for the small claims court. That way we are both covered. I do need the work.
    Friday, now i have to think damn it,hehehe. before i for get i did got to Spinnakers saturday night, it was not too bad. I ran into an old friend of the families, Tammy, whose kids used to play with the girls when they were younger. She has decided to move out of state, N. Carolina i believe ,and try to restart her life,plus thats where her family is from. Her sister, whom i had met before, was a little buzzed and frivolous, but it was ok, I believe Tammy told her i was a bit of a loner in the clubs and that i don't dance with anyone, self excluded of course,hehehe. Friday, now i am beginning to remember, I picked my buffer up, had to borrow some money for that. No,that may have been the day before, i did get a call about a possible contract on the naval base though, kinda freaked me, and have been trying to figure out how they got my info all w/e, all good though.Tomorrow, i will go by and see whats up. Joey, from All American Carpet, came by and we talked for about an hour,business, improving my business,and life in general. He was kind enough to compliment me on work i had done in the yard and we discussed doing some work together in the future. I told him about doing cold calls , how they scared me, but with no website,etc., it was my only option so i wa trying.. I stayed home that night after contemplating going out , ifigured i had better keep what money i had left for smokes,hehehe.
    Thursday, was great, i had made a deal with my mothers foot doctor,or rather he did, to swap service for service.I started on his foyer which was grout and man i impressed even little ole me, that floor looked so much better, even i was impressed.I spent like 5 hours there and it felt so good working , i was overjoyed, well, i guess thats it. I have been spending more time with my mother ,so thats good and we seem to be getting along, its funny sometimes,I look at her ,feel  sympathetic for her situation, and realize, i also spend time with her, because i hope someone would do the same for me. Funny, and selfish i fear,maybe i will get better with time, i hope anyways, hehehe. Not perfect, just better. Thats what i believe we will call a wrap, until next time, take care, remember the bad times are so we appreciate the good times more,love ya,me

letter to new Express Lane president

                                                                                              CLEAN FLOORS ENT. INC.

7215 N. LAGOON DR

PANAMA CITY BEACH,FL. 32408

Hi Bob,

        I previously tried to contact you in reference to Express Lanes decision to terminate my use as a vendor for your floor care,i have sent you an e-mail,wishing to discuss the matter and also called numerous times at the office. As the president of Express Lane,i thought that you would show more interest in the situation or at least want to hear both sides of the story. This letter is to give you a little more info about situations you may be unaware of.

       Mark, your operations manager has been trying to bring the same floor company in for some time, even previous to the buy out. However, I am the one who had to replace them because of the quality of their work, in stores who had managers familiar with both companies work. Mark , also stated that their wax held up better, so I bought a different wax ,tried it at xl 37,that wax held up from the time I was told to stop doing the floors there by Reid Lewis till they tore it down. Mark was aware of this and even though he told me that I was going to get Tallahassee stores back,kept the other company. The sad thing here is that whenever I would do store 20,the other stores would be complaining of the work the other company was doing. I , suggested, not Mark,we do behind the counters,backrooms and bathrooms, Mark then told me it was not going to be allowed due to extra cost. Imagine,my surprise, a few weeks later, when I discover that the other company , has been told by the D.M., to start doing that exact work. Upon addressing the situation with Mark, he told me their contract was different, if so why had it not been done before. After the Kroger situation, Mark told me to just do the floors for Express Lane, that it would be easier on me and I would not have to worry. Foolishly, I concede, I thought about it and decided that would probably be best . At the end of June 2012,Mark requested a meeting with me, he then informed me the stores would only be done once a month, they would be done for 105.00 mth, and if I did not like it he would hire another company. I was quite simply shocked, I wrote Jim Lewis a letter , based on the fact I thought the company might be hurting financially,which you can ask him about. I also asked Mark about any extra work , scrubbing ceramic floors, painting,etc.,any thing that would generate extra income. To which he replied he would try to see if he could find any. Like most people, I live on a budget, determined by the income I have coming in , this played hell with ability to pay my bills. In Nov. I told Mark , that if he was trying to put me out of business, he had pretty well succeeded, and that I could not afford to keep doing the stores . This evidently, upset him , after further discussion, we agreed that I would strip all the floors , as was usual practice for the end of the year. It was during this time I first heard that the company may be bought out,which was a shocker for me. One of the thoughts that crossed my mind toward the end was why were we stripping the floors if being bought. A lot of people stated that it was not a sure thing so I figured Express lane was trying to ensure stores looked good for the holidays as norm.

         When I went in to pick up my last check from the strips , while in the office I heard that the Lewis s where wondering why the stores where being stripped. I was upset, I thought they knew and in addition did not want to have them think I was taking advantage of the situation. I waited over an hour for them to finish their meeting and met with Reid after wards. I told him about Marks and my previous meeting , where he authorized the strips, and Reid stated he believed me and was wondering what Mark was up to. While I was in the lobby after meeting Reid,about 15 mins. Later Mark walks in to tell me to stop all floor work. On asking why he states its due to the fact I am not on same service plan as the other company . Duhhhh. I have been ,but ok.. The next time I see him is when you and I met for the first time,accidentally at the store down the street from my house. I guess that was convenient for Mark, you know.

       So we have our meeting, I am sure you recall, and then after wards, Mark and I go to his office. He tells me to go right to work, knowing it has been rough on me financially and he would get me a check asap. I tell him I don’t have the money for gas and he loans me 50 dollars, I put in my tank. Then I turn in the invoices and call for my check at which time Holly tells me it will be about a mth or so. She doesn’t understand why Mark did not inform me , as this is SOP for Lehigh. Then I get another phone call from Holly asking me about my work orders, I explain no one said anything about them and that you and Mark had told me to get stores done so that’s what I was doing. She then informed me without the proper paperwork, I would not get paid. All this is new to me, no one had said anything previous to this conversation, she told me to wait till I got the paperwork from office ,which is what I did. I never got paid for 1 or 2 stores due to this. I called Mark and it was then he started to get paperwork done. I noticed on my paperwork that the it was only authorized up to June 30^th , which I thought was kinda strange,middle of the season you know. I even thought it might be standard ,however I learned later, maybe erroneously, that other companies had yearly contracts, oh well . We shall see.

      Sopchoppy, I really don’t know what you were told. I can assure you of this, the truth about that situation is going to be forthcoming. Mark, has lied to people in your office, that know me and it has left me with a bad taste in my mouth, in addition he tells me he is gonna give me a good recommendation and that just does not add up. The final nail in the coffin,is your new floor company, I ran into them at about 8-8:30 in the morning doing Express Lane 1,stripping the floor. They had not finished so I went back later, a little nervous to scope out their finished product ,fearful it might be better then mine. Oh yeah, first they don’t put down as many coats as I do and there edge work was not as good. They also told the store personnel,and manager they would be back that Friday and never showed. Then I heard from one of your customers about them stripping the store on Jenks ave. on a Saturday night, one of your busier nights and how the entire store was blocked off with the exception of the register area, at 7pm. When customers wanted something it was either no, or they were told to walk on the stripper,setting everyone up for a lawsuit, that is so unprofessional. When I did the stores I always, always put the customers first, if they could not get to merchandise,either myself or the clerks made sure they got what they wanted. Never would I allow a customer to be placed at risk by having them walk on stripper or wax, and if I had to redo a section to make sure the customer was taken care of, that’s one of the things that go with doing stores while they are open.

   Wrapping all this up, I realize you don't know me, I was favorably impressed with you agreeing to meet with me at the office and taking the time to discuss the floor care program. The only thing that bothered me during our conversation was that I personally don’t think you ask the question ,why, enough to get to the heart of a matter. Who am I to say though, I do realize that things can be misunderstood or misrepresented, especially if the other person such as yourself is not present ,or too busy to take matters into your own hands, that is after all the reason for other to help take up the slack or various duties. I have been working on this, I even briefly brought it up to Rep. Patronis ,while discussing another matter,in addition I have been advised to bring the situation to court,that will have to wait till I can afford a lawyer, if necessary. The one thing I will be doing for sure is bringing this matter to the attention of Lehigh's stock holders, one of the things about having a public company is that the shareholders have a right to know what is going on in the company. I do want to say thanks for giving me the opportunity to demonstrate my work to you,and granting me some of your time. One last thing why did Mark state to you that the floors had been done a couple of weeks before,when he had terminated my services before Xmas, leaving me to be the one who was honest with you,at XL 44.

Sincerely yours,

                                                                 Marino Vorrosso

the world is full of good intentions

   Finally, i wrote the letter to the new president of Express Lane, now i just have to e- mail or send some how.My wife was laughing with me as it took me almost 2 hours but ,i did get it done.I am watching "RAISE YOUR VOICE" a movie with music, made in 2004. As long as there is music i am happy,ahhh the sweetness of the song as it twists you inside. Youth its promise of dreams to be full filled ,a future of promises yet known. I laugh ,only a week or so till i am 58, but, check this out, the same holds true for me, hehehe. I simply have to keep putting those good intentions to work, which i will admit is not always easy. Actually, i am probably my biggest enemy, of course money would help, but it is what it is.

   Ha,ha,ha,ha, today we used up the last of our cash on hand, to ensure that a restraining order, for a friends abusive husband, got sent out overnight, 34 bucks,may not seem like a lot,but that was all we had. So i had to cash in our change which came to an amazing 27.00 bucks, plus the 5 in my wallet,minus the price of pads, for wifey,i have 25.00.  Now that will last us till friday , i hope,hahaha. Now thats if i don't have to buy some stripper to do a job for county, but i will come up with something if necessary.Its funny as the girl in the show just said,this is the scariest, fearful, and best thing that ever happened to me. Even if it all goes wrong, i will make an attempt on my intentions. 

  It has been an eventful day in ways, i had put my propane buffer in the shop, the other day and yesterday they told me the magneto was too far gone,and it was beyond repairing, today i took another one in and we will see what will be, i almost threw that one in the dump a week ago, but no room, someone was looking after me. I also had to put in my side by side, ole faithful, darn thing must be 8 years old, loud as hell but it runs, kinda like me,hehehe. I had to borrow 50 bucks but it is out, and at least i can work if it becomes available.Then to top it off, i went whole hog and put my electric high speed in, told him i wont need till next week,if propane is not fixable but, what the hell, at least it will be running, if i need it and can afford to get it out, hehehe.

   Just, put on my show, Defiance, missed it the other night, gotta love in demand, but that bill, oh well, gotta keep the wife happy,hahaha. i think i like the show because it is full of people who keep on rebounding from the bottom. Ahem , talking about finances,electric bill just came in over 200 bucks, I quietly flipped out , and unabashedly told everyone the air conditioner was only to be used when someone was home and frugally, unless ,of course its the wife. Bill has gone from 130 to 213,thats crazy, i don't care what anyone says. 

   I did get a call from the sales tax lady, she is actually pretty nice, but since i owe, scary too, unintentionally, i thought she knew i am out of work, but evidently not,so will have to get together with her before my b-day or else.

   Kenny, who used to work with me, called me today, just touching base i guess, he told me he was working at save-a-lot, bagging and that the company who stripped their floors charged 1100 bucks, hell i would do it for less.I guess thats part of my problem, the reality that worries me is i no longer have a crew. I have been assured that if needed they will come, sounds funny doesn't it, we shall see what will be if or rather when the time comes. I have to admit the future can be scary but then i am sure it will be rewarding. i am going to attempt to add the letter i wrote to the new president of Express Lane ,if it is here great , if not i tried,hehehe.Goodnite,have a good day,love to u and remember to trust, and believe in yourself, me. 

saturday,saturday nights alright

   The joy of life,work, which i needed, got a couple of extra jobs,which were tough but gave me that feeling of damn i am good ,hehehe, helped some people out ,met some new people,and yes the joy of feeling the music and my body entwining in the dance.This is probably gonna be done in two parts,just started while i am waiting for some one to pick up some childrens which is another story.As it is not my story, all i can do is touch on the basics, a friend of the wifes got picked up for misdemeanor ,we watched the kids while waiting for someone to post bail.the kids were fun, but while i enjoy them donna worries tooo much,hehehehe, i  just enjoy them being children.
   I have so much to say, love typing it all for tomorrows memories, yet dread my awful typing skills,hehehe,ok,one thing that has been on my mind a lot is the statement ,the world is full of good intentions,which means people intend to do things, but, they don't.Forever and a day i have been intending to send an email to the new president of express lane ,about my dismissal and the events i have heard of with the new floor crew. It has been on my mind quite a bit so tomorrow i am going to do it, i have said it so i will do it,if just not to be upset with myself for not doing it. I have tried a few times to call him but no response.
   Work, i am so weird, i love my job, it may be a dying thing but i cant stop the pleasure i deprive from it. It is kinda funny ,the more difficult the situation,the more of a challenge, the more i enjoy the battle,maybe not right then ,but conquering the situation,oh yeah thats what i am talking about. I know i should be traveling in a new direction ,my love for what i do, my desire to be the best in my field and sadly my fear of not being the best in another direction all combine to hinder me.Its a situation where i am i being the ultimate responsibility, for self am going to have to deal with, and quickly.I thought of going to school for retraining however at my age, with a bachelors degree or certificate, the truth ,being one of being 58 ,who is going to hire me? Then i tell myself there are plenty of people younger then me starting new ventures, so just try to build my company back up.
    My equipment is breaking down, it has served me well, but it breaks down and then i have to repair it and the charges take a nice bite out of my resources,duhhhhh,like a circle round and round. I have to laugh, it might be easier to get a job,though pay probably would not cover expenses, and admit i failed . the bullet is so hard to bite,and involves so many different aspects of my beliefs, i feel i would not be the same person. I realize i have changed due to the situations with kroger and express lane. I  hope that i have grown but to throw it all aside, i feel as i have admitted defeat, that i have been beaten, and worse my beliefs are invalid, that scares me, down to the foundations of my core.
    I get so serious and then i find myself laughing, life is good, situations arise, and we fight the fight. The young lady,just came to pick up her children and that situation worked out, and i am going out to dance,hehehehe,stop laughing last night a young man told me he was glad to see i was still at it and he was serious, i think it gives them hope that while we do get older we can still enjoy life,or so i have been told, besides i think they see my love for the dance, which tells them there is still passion in life as you get older.
    Sweat runs down my arms,back and chest,soaking my shirt,while cold air from the air conditioner blows and freezes me,smiling, i type this with thoughts of the club tonight.Prancing on my feet,celebrating the music moving inside of me,my cup overflowing,no desire to cease the drink,its nectar freeing my body of its inhiitations and limitations,freed, of normal human worry,transposed into a celebration of joy. Quite simply i danced. It was not as simple as it may seem,hehehe, first there is like no desire, i just stand there listening to the band till they finish their set,wondering all the while if i have lost my ability to feel the music,which is scary to me.Suddenly the d.j. starts playing a song with a strong rhythm and my soul begins to quicken, a smile starts to find its way onto my face as i begin to fill with the sound, stirring my body into a sensation akin to making love with the music,now it begins,fear of laughter, or being ridiculed ,swept away by the magical sensation of the moment,We blend together, caressed, subjected, surrendering, to a feeling of pure emotion ,erasing all thought, with a primal ,instinctive, celebration of being alive, I am alive,the ethereal beauty, is as indescribable, as love for another,especially when only moments before i had thought i lost a gift as precious as life, an ability to hear the underlying song the music sings to me.
     Life,without this, for me would be similar to living after the knowledge of loving , with another, then to have them disappear in totality from your life. So grateful, am i, that i am, fortunate enough to be the bearer of this gift.All the things that happen,fears and insecurities, are worth the joy of the dance, to feel music in my fashion, makes all those things a small price to pay upon its arrival.
    I saw some people,i know, they came up and said hi, which was nice, but knowing me moved on as they knew the music was moving me.Oh, that reminds me, some woman went up to the band last night in between sets, and people were kindas going, gaga, strange word but it works, turns out it was lisa lipps of porno fame, but honestly i was not that impressed when i first saw her or later when i found out,hehehe.
   Well thats all for now, the name of the band was the flamethrowers and they were ok,even if they don't play my style of music, there was a larger crowd, but i do believe i will be checking out la velas a little more, goodnight,lots of love,and keep those dancing shoes on.

the deer

     imagine , a deer,still,lean ,quiet,the black sides of his soft furry nose,gently stirring with his breath ,eyes ,of warm brown piercing in all directions,his body held in a natural tension,imagine his body dancing in quiet step on a frivolous journey,through natural pastures,the nimble dance among the fallen leaves,dropped limbs of trees,and imagine .......flight,heart pounding, feet like lightning,a dark fear commanding ,all directions tried,fear shrinking ,driving  heedlessly,safety ,a refuge sought,unknown,hidden,from what,.............imagine ,i am the deer,afraid ,of what?
     laying in bed,watching tv,this picture came to me,maybe due to the day i had,i really dont know.I tried to hide from the world at first,got up early, watched the wife go to work,then looked around,went back to bed,.I was in hiding,just did not want to face life, did not want to not like myself,because,wife was working ,not me.i lay there trying to go to sleep and also knew there were things i had to do today,put money in kids accounts,buy supplies,you know live life.Fear, of a day before it began, the fear of waking tomorrow,to judge my actions this day as inadequate,not up to par,another day of failure.So i got up.
    Showered, thinking of things to get done,procrastinating,so i did not have to start the day where i had already failed just for feeling this way.Cashed a check, i had been holding,i am learning,hehehe.So proud i bragged a bout it, and you know,the guy who cashed reminded me that for me to think ahead financially was something his boss,never thought i would learn.So,i am going to take a bow here,thank you On to the ank where i was responsible enough to take care of things i might have put off before,thinking it was not that important,but to others it may be..Then to get some supplies,for a job someone offered me due to my skill and work ethics.That little round of events,changed my entire perspective on my day.
    Fear,insecurity,doubt ,these things are not easy for me to live with,but i do .Attacks,by these feelings happen all day,there are still good things blossoming with in my world though..As i drive during my little trips i range from one extreme to another.Mad at those who have taught me i have no control,to moments where i realize the simple act of driving my,old beat up van,makes me better off then some,so i am greatly and humbly thankful .
    Dependence on others,thats kinda tough for me,i mean we all are dependant on someone to an extant,but here i am referring to my dependency on Rep. Patronis.My father was a really good guy,and one of a few, i could count on ,even when the truth hurt . Ron Browne he died,never disappointing me,and except for those two,anyone else i held in high regard or as my peer,well ,they just showed i was not that important.The reality is they did not ask for me to put them on their pedestals, so it is actually my bad ,my fault for desiring to believe in others. Mr. Patronis,hell, he doesn't even know me.If he checks me out through the Lewis family,Jim or Reed, i have no idea of what they will say,i know what i would like to believe,but thats another thing is it not,my perception. And that i believe is what scares me about Rep. Patronis, as much as i would like to believe i will carry the good fight on,in all actuality, he is like my last straw,lifevest.I feel guilty saying that. Am i using him as my final excuse? How do you convey the importance of a situation to another,making your case ,one of many i am sure. Does it have to come to life or death,to mark its importance,due to an inability to convey through conversation, the crumbling of a cornerstone of whats simply right or wrong? This is what i believe scares the hell out of me,my belief in him to help right a wrong,and my fear that i did not convince him of its importance.I wish to believe ,i hope for  right ,and am so scared i screwed up again.Oh,well onwards and upwards,as i said i just figured this out and wanted to record it somewhere for myself.
     Back to the real world,hehehe, cant get my damn propane buffer to run,which is driving me bonkers. I tried for 2 hours today,to get it to start ,to no avail,and of course i need it for work.Now i have to dip into my funds to fix it,which is really scary,and then hope its ready in time for the big job.
     I haven't heard from Stoney today,why am i not surprised,he asked for me to submit a real bid,which i did,though i told him if he would just tell me what he had to work with,that would do it,financially.What pisses me off though is now i cant change the bid price,to work with him, as it was all done at his request,and he probably thinks it costs too much.Oh, well, a businessman is made,actually being forged would be the right description,hehehehe.
      Moved out some furniture today,for which i am grateful. Donnas co worker finally got her own place,Donna was kind enough to help her with the financial aspect,and we moved most of the furniture out of the shed and house.She was fortunate enough to get an apartment,in the the same area as her family so thats pretty good, I do believe we have picked up another stray though,her husband ,boyfriend,has beat on her and she has two little ones,so ,she needs help with restraining order and probably with kids,etc,etc.we shall see.
      Well, i am yawning now and it has turned into a fairly good day,things will get better and if not tomorrow sooner or later,for now though enjoy life,as much as you can,feel the love of one for another and i will catch you later,hehehehe
   

just a quicky so i don't quit.

    this is gonna be a quicky just so i dont get too far behind again,hehehe.In addition i am tired, however lets move on.Why do i do this to myself,hahaha, pissed off i was yesterday,just for a few moments.Went to see a customer who loved the way i did his inital strip,loved it so much he said that the floor looked too good to do now,even though he agreed to a monthly service.That  kills me ,you go in, do the job to the best of your abilities,wow the customer, and then lo and behold,instead of keeping you going, they try to save money ,because you do a good job,and hold off on regular floor maintenance.i have had this happen a few times,even with large institutional customers. Then they wonder why companies, self excluded, give just the minimum.Personally i am beginning to believe its so they can keep coming back, as long as they do a job thats less then, the floor goes down quicker ,requiring them to service the job again.they make more money, the customer,wonders why quality is not there,etc.,etc.,just a vicious circle.
    Then one of my former customers calls me to do a job for him,and in trying to work with him,he has helped me before, i ask what his budget is, to keep within it, and he tells me to just submit a bid.I do and it seems kinda high too me but everyone else thinks its quite fair,so we shall see what will be. I think there is a conspiracy afloat to turn me from a floor man into a business man, hehehe. I even tried to do a spreadsheet for the wife today, ughhhh what a nightmare, did it on a regular sheet afterwards, which i was proud of.
   Scotty,gotta love the guy ,he is driving me to my wits end though.We only ask him to contribute 40 bucks a week and for one reason or another he cant even do that. i can sympathise when he only works one day out of the week due to the season,but what the hell will happen if he has to get his own place. His mother ,doesn't want to put too much pressure on him but i am truly worried about it.It dose not make me feel too good that he dose not think it is too important either.He states he knows how good he has it,that is  not acting as if he appreciates it though.
   Back to me,i wonder if i am not the one with the problem, trying to act as if peoples actions don't bother me when they do, simply because i have become accustomed to being treated as less then and allow it.No bs ,i have thought of just saying the hell with it and if i was on the outside looking in, i am sure i would ask why the hell i allow it. Crazy, the things we know,yet the way we allow things to escalate, like a snowball that becomes an avalanche,i have lost control and am afraid to stop it, the only way i can imagine, which is by jumping off the precipice of the cliff. I wake , i swear things are gonna be different, and instead same ole, same ole, i feel like its all over, an end, where i used to be,dwindling under the shadow of a being i hardly recognize, scared by this shadow as children fear the shadows of their childhood nightmares.
  Alright,enough of the bleeding heart, i swear the blood is beginning to turn pink though i am becoming such a bitch,hehehe. Cleaned up around my new fence area, for the trash and tools,isn't it amazing how you can build a thing of beauty,then afterwards realize what a mess you left in the wake of its creation,hahaha.The  egg light for the pond went on the blitz,with all the rain lately the pond is murky brown,silty as if someone had thrown dirt in.Waiting on the bio filter to kick in is truly a test of patience and my desire to shop,as i would love to buy a uv light for it . I did put together a couple of the old pond lights, one red and the other blue,sealed them with vaseline instead of silicone, cheaper,and am now testing them in the pond. I try to do something, even if its only a little, on a positive note to keep myself afloat. tomorrow beckons me with its promise of a new beginning,and yes a little fear,that nothing will change, beginning with me.Hark,hear it, there is always that possibility,that beautiful note, of my rebirth into a person i will like,actually respect anew. Singing bravely into my tomorrow, i bid you goodnight,lots of love, and a peace with yourself.love ya ,me.
  Oh,hell for myself,i have been checking out some of the stocks i had intended to buy and they have all done fairly well, the penny stocks have really done well,though they have come down now but i would have sold them already and reaped a few benefits,but maybe now is a good time to buy a few dollars worth for the future.Maybe i will in 10 or 20 years be able to retire,hehehe.If not it will be fun to see what happens,see ending on a positive note again,well , truly thats it,later all.

part two of the last six months, i will finish it hopefully soon

       The question here is where do i begin,my mind travels in so many directions,encompassing  all directions, all thoughts exploding with the importance of the big bang to dart into another direction ,another big bang,eventually dwindling to where did i start, and what was the beginning point of this thought. Hehehehe, lost in my own mind, laughter erupting at the attempted ordering of a fragmented thought or thoughts. As an explorer would say,push on,and see what delights or fears we shall encounter.So let  it begin.
      Continuing in the journey of the last six months, lets begin with my meeting with Rep. Patronis, which i had as his aide reminded me waited 2 years for. Not his bad but mine, i had almost given up on being able to do anything about the kroger situation without money, however the more people who i talked too, the greater the thought by them that he could be the one to bridge the gap, between kroger and myself. I had to waut as he was occupied with another situation and during that time, his aide was kind enough to spend some time with me ,listening to my tale of woe,hehehe, and pointing out key points,for which i was grateful. When we actually sat together too talk, i found him to be a personable type, well suited in that manner for public affairs. Which i will confess also makes me feel , he might erroneously think, to be pleasant and let it go, which is not going to happen.As i told his aide, irregardless of the consequences, i will post the entire story on the internet and between my gaming friends and the social network i have , it will definately go viral especially if i resource the news industry. Ok, back to the meet, he asked what i wanted and why the sexual harassment was so important to me, to which i replied, a district attorney , a lie detector test, and a meeting with Mr. Dillon, and that the sexual harassment was important because it is a legal base. He was kind enough to explain he would be tied up for awhile and  give the matter some thought,getting back to me in a month or so. So, we shall see what will be . Enough on that.
     A pleasant surprise for me, i just discovered, they made a movie of a book i enjoyed, The Girl Who Played With Fire, it is part of the trilogy of the,Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, which i could not stop reading once i started. Though sub titled its still enjoyable.It was one of the few new books i wanted to have a signed first edition of,which led me to the sad discovery of the authors death before publication,alas, a literary loss for many of us.
      Now,lets see what results come forward as i gently try to recall more momentous or poignant memories of the last few months.Lets start with family, a great rift, maybe of my own mind has begun healing,i am a person who for better or worse, relies on his own thoughts and feelings. i was dismayed, hurt ,bewildered, by what i perceived as a lack of support from my family over the kroger situation and the resulting financial blow. Things are getting better, the wife feels i was jealous of others good fortune, which to me is not true, it was quite simply the absence of any offer to help, which we have always done any time we found some one was in need or distress.Now we are getting along better, or rather i am making myself more available, as i isolated myself, to prevent any more feelings of either imagined or real hurt. Besides who can resist the beauty of their grandchildren, the joy of watching those you once had to support, overcome lifes trials to reign in victory their journey in life.So thats a good thing.
      Reading, one of my loves, how sweet it is to journey on paths, opening your mind,enriching the virgin thoughts to places previously unknown, A  chalice for my minds imagination, the e reader my wife gave me,Smashwords one of the e reader publicist, has bestowed on me the chance to read at no charge and discover works by authors i would have never met any other way.What a fantastic ride, i read a new book almost twice a week, have discovered some great authors,and if my mind was not such a sieve would be awaiting their next book with rapturous hunger. Woe, my mind flitters, like the butterfly from one book to the next,devouring, yet only particles remain, like crumbs at the dinner table,a reminder of the fabulous feast that had existed.
    My body,ughhhhhh, all this disparity, lack of self esteem, its like i want to punish myself, of course the lack of work which helped keep me in shape has not helped either.So out of shape,this really bothers me, i get depressed and binge. So often i have heard of others in this predicament never envisioning myself there. I  feel as if i am on a path to self destruction, to others its not that apparent, to me its humongous, all a part of my own self image.Yes, i lie to myself,gonna join a gym, run, all the usual, but the truth shows in my belly, so sad, hopefully i will take action soon.
   My yard, here i lose myself in enjoyment, and it offers me the ability to state i am working on my gut,hehehehe.I cant believe how much i like piddling in my yard, part of it, no denial, is to throw it in my neighbor's face for trying to ostracize me through the use of their fences, thats just a side shoot though. I really like seeing the changes that are so evident,hehehehe, similar to doing floors. Aways after that instant gratification i am. Currently i am working on building a fenced in area to hide the trash cans, and other items that could possibly, hehehe, be construed as eyesores.One good thing about it is that it is a never ending  affair, being on a tight budget i always have another idea by the time i have more money. I will confess that when i started i said one thing at a time, currently i have 4 projects,hahaha. While i have gotten better at managing my money, the same can not be said of  managing my workload, seems like one thing leads to another.
    Basically, even with my flaws i am beginning to like myself again, till next time anyway.Worry, for a guy who refused to do much of it before, now it is a continuous process. Fear, something i was unfamiliar with,is now a constant companion,and worry, well i guess i am growing up, its there everyday, i am human, nor am i invincible, I am making it though, just like everyone else, and you know what, i still enjoy roller coasters.
     good night, i am going to finish watching my movie and give a shout out on facebook,later all, enjoy the ride,and don't be ashamed to be afraid, it is part of the thrill,love ya.

6 months!!! too long lets cover some bases,hehehehe

Hello,hello, hello,damn it has been awhile.6 mths of a roller coaster , the likes i have never experienced , up, down, sideways, sometimes i felt like a ping pong ball,slammed with no control,hehehehe. You know what i am still standing, which i will admit surprises me.I think i could write a mini-novel here,but for now i am just going to hit the highlights real quick,well maybe not quickly,hehehe,  but to a minimum and then greater detail in following blogs.
   Hmmm,lets start with the new express lane corp.. I accidently ran into mark,head of operations and the new president, bob, at the store down the street.Mark introduced me and bob stated he wanted floors done,i requested a meeting frst to make sure we were on the same page.We met discussed floor care, my situation with kroger, the fact i did not really care about money a lot,which he thought was nuts,love my job, hehehehe, and commenced taking care of stores again.Thought of talking to him about mark but decided not to,woe is me.Did the floors for about 6 weeks, and even though the contract was till june 30, mark due to a situation canceled my floor care. I did catch up on my bills and manage to save a little money, so that made it worth my while.
   The situation, arose over me buffing the coffee aisle, finishing it , coming out to the front, startling a woman a little bit, trying to make it humorous by stating i was just trying to get closer to her.She even smiled and rolled her eyes,now please understand the buffer was like a foot away and i was probably 4 or 5 feet away standing in the beginning of the coffee aisle ,facing the register. i figured the machine being close spooked her and i was simply trying to put her at ease.At any rate , about a week later mark tells me to put the store on hold for a little bit, due to a situation, which surprised me.I call the store to talk to the guy who was working that night to see if he knew anything, and he said no,after talking a bit ,he recollects the incident with the girl as being the only thing he could think of because she had rolled her eyes at him after i said that, but that he could not believe that was the reason.Until he reminded me, i had not even remembered the event, after he told me, i went to see mark the next day who had told me he did not know anything, the same story the clerk told me.After telling him what the clerk said he told me he did not see a problem just to hold off on doing the store for a little bit. I agreed and went back to work thinking all was good.The following week i got sick evidently, my ear got infected and it through my sense of balance of. It was actually kinda funny, i kept tripping over things, hitting walls, it scared the wife , and i got scared when it affected my driving. Went to county and they put me on antibiotics to beat it.Then that wed., ibelieve holly calls me to ask for all my invoices, as she wanted to make sure i got paid for everything, as mark told her he had told me i was no longer doing floor care for express lane. Lo, i was shocked, told her mark never told me that and he was lying, she insisted he told me that last time we met and i told her,if that was so why did i do stores the following week.I did try to get ahold of the president but he never returned my email. which says a lot,to me anyway. For years, mark has been trying to get a floor company he hired into the rest of my stores to no avail. Actually, i had been requested by managers who knew of my work, to come back and do their floors as they were not happy with the other companies work.Well i guess that is the way it goes, i am debating taking them to court but have not made up my mind yet,the girl that all this started over told the the clerk she had never thought i would lose my work, she did not think it was that big a deal,she was a regular customer and it came up while talking to the manager a day or 2 later, never thinking all this would happen. Mark evidently saw an opportunity and ran  with it, so he could get the other company in.
    The funny thing is,i was worried that the new company would do a better job then me and then i accidently ran into them doing store 1, about 8:30 in the morning first i was surprised at the late time they were in, then when i went back later to see how it looked ,relieved because they did not do as good a job as me. In addition they told the store they would be back on friday night to buff it out, and of course they were not.For the first time the beach stores were not up to par for bike week or memorial weekend,the other stores i have no idea,but if this was the old express lane my butt would have been in trouble,the lewis family always expected their stores to be better then anyone elses.Then i hear they do the store on jenks on a saturday night,shutting most of the store down after 7 pm,refusing to assist customers and even telling them to go ahead and walk on the stripper. Quite unprofessional, and setting everyone up for failure.Oh well,we shall see what will be.
    Good things have happened too, people have been trying to help me, setting me up with work or extra work, trying to instill a positive atmosphere into me. I also started playing combat arms again,hehehe, killing and dying, i will admit it was nice to find so many people missed me. Actually it was shocking in the nicest way, i have been a slacker lately,my computer is acting up again,ughhhhhh. Hopefully i will be back playing again shortly, oh yeah, ROTOR, a game i played years and i do mean years ago,15 probably, finally got it to play on my computer using a dos box. Talk about a blast from the past and so much fun, however there is no save game so i have to start from the beginning to get to the challenging levels and then i die, hehehehe, hours of work for 30 min to hour of intense play, what a sap i am, but what a joy it is.
    I also got the neighborhood store back, they apologised, i accepted,no problem,its all been good since.Life is kinda interesting, the way it works, up,down, then a little thing brings you back up.On that note.
My pond, ever since the kroger debacle, its been lying there a constant reminder, a hole, empty ,dark ,a mess,of beauty once seen now gone.SURPRISE, i took some of the money i had left from express lane and redid it,actually with the exception of no koi fish, it actually looks better now then it did before, not only to me but others also.You can see it on my facebook page, while i am thinking of it,one of my lessons that i learned and took to heart,i do not play with money now. I discovered i have learned ,sadly, to more realistic in the handling of it.I don't play with it, i actually try to have next months bills money in hand before i go crazy, spending on things i want. This was something i never would have thought of 3 years ago.guess it took hardship to teach me, i only hope the fear does not run too deep.
    I am getting kinda tired now,but, want to share one more thing, i was at a store yesterday and the wife got a little nervous by this big guy who looked pissed off to her, following me as i left the store.I dont know who he was but he came up to me asking why i dont do the stores by him anymore,Puzzled i asked which ones ,to which he replied the tom thumbs.Almost three years later and people still remember me. What a remember when, after i explained the situation to him, he told me he might have some work for me.I dont know who he was , but i believe that says a lot, my work is still remembered and appreciated.On that note i am saying good night,hehehe,tomorrow i will talk about my meeting with rep.patronis,and what else i have been up to till then sayonara, and yes , i hope you enjoyed this, i enjoyed my memoir for the future and i wish you well.