Thanksgiving yesterday,watched twilight,breaking dawn part 2 today,was told my main contract Express Lane may be changing hands next month, and wife is coming home on the 8th. Soooooo,a lot has been happening and some things i will have to wait and see on. Life, it goes on and on, throwing us curve balls every time we least expect it, hehehe. Roll with it and come out looking for a better position, oh yeah.Now,where do i start, hmmmm.
Express Lane,that one kicked me in the ass. SHOCKER!!!!!!!. With all the changes going on there lately, i honestly felt as if there was something major coming on but, honestly could not put my finger on exactly what. When floor care went to once a month and i talked to Jim Lewis about it , he stated we were doing too much for the stores,which honestly did not sound right.After i offered to do work for less money and try to help out, with no response, i guess i should have noted a red flag, However, being the person I am,duhh, I never considered the options, and just did the best I could under the circumstances. A couple of weeks ago i did talk to the operations manager,Mark Shoffer, and informed him if things were going to continue in this venue, i would be out of business shortly,not just because of the money reduction but also my liability insurance coming up. I informed him that strips were going to start, and that the norm was to start and try to finish by Christmas. He told me to go ahead and do them, then i think it was the next week we were told about the company changing hands,freaked me out. Now nothing is definite, except for change, i feel bad for myself sure,but man all those employees, are nervous too. Mark says he is worried,but honestly i am sure he knows more then he is saying, politics, naturally. Some how i will make it,it may be the straw that breaks this camels back, but it wont be because i am a quitter. Awhile back, i had sent,given Jim Lewis, a letter informing him of how much i appreciated Express Lane, and their loyalty, the fact that i felt i had been adopted into being part of the Express Lane family. Well, i guess thats why i am an emotional fool, ah but they were good to me ,so what else can you say. I know it may sound unrealistic BUT, i do believe if they made out well on their deal it would not hurt for them to show some appreciation to some of the employees that have been around for 10 years or more. I know it may sound nuts it has been done before by other companies, they got bought out and in appreciation for the employees loyalty and support, they in turn rewarded them financially. Now,i know it seems like a pipe dream , but it has been done. I personally know for a fact that a lot of their employees are glad that they are holding the Christmas party early,they were worried about the bonuses ,which may not be earth shattering but hell it was important for the employee, and the fact the Lewis family is doing that, is very much appreciated by the employees. I dont know what else to say about this scenario, it is not in my hands, except to hope for the best. You know, Jim Lewis, told me if i had any business ideas he might have been willing to listen, and maybe help out, after all this evolved i did try to contact him ,to no avail, but i guess he has had a lot on his plate,maybe someday, hehehe. Oh well, there really is no use crying over spilt milk,and maybe, just maybe, i can turn this around, with the other company. I definitely have learned a lot in these last couple of years though, but life would not be the adventure it is, if, you were not learning new things,hehehehe.
Reed Lewis, my kind of guy, in all my other posts i talk about his brother, Jim Lewis, and the family, but Reed has always been the kind of guy next door, earthy, been there and back,no drama, listen and comment,without judging, kind,and a heart he tries to hide,wisdom that comes from having to deal with suffering and a smile,well he just makes you not want to quit. I want to call him a leader of men, but actually i think he is more an inspiration to people. Where some assume the leadership role through title,etc., etc., he inspires you,by the person he is. This is how true leadership works,by example,through effort, and overcoming lifes hardships, asking for no recognition ,and as due course, receiving an acknowledgement from all that he is a leader,who takes care of his own, and others where possible. He has a heart,he has felt the pain of others and ,in their time of need,makes time for them. Man,i am gonna miss you,our talks,where i ramble on,the way you made me feel as if what i said was worth listening to. Times, when i would say you really dont want to know, your acknowledgement of the situation ,not by telling me to tell you,just an acceptance that it could be,and instead of bull,you would respect that and let it be.here i am getting all emotional, so i will end this, but pray someday you have the opportunity to read it,love you blood.
Thanksgiving, ah, trippy, trippy. One for the books. i hope i either get that Dragon program or learn to type faster soon,this takes forever, hehehe. Messed around the house a little,then Scotty and I, went to Christenes about 3:30. Oh ,forgot the cable got shut off the night before so, as much as i hated asking,I did ask Christene if she would pay the bill till Friday,mainly cause it was driving Scotty nuts,even if he said otherwise and so Donna could get her email. So Christene paid it for me, and we planned to go for turkey there, talk about a wild ride. We pull up, get out, and Scotty is walking up,when lo and behold,i see someone i have an issue with, to put it nicely. Thats for another post on another day. I stand there, so hot i swear, the grass is scorching under my shoes, anger so black, i feared of losing control, my body starts vibrating, and when i sense how bad it is getting, i stop.Dead, in my tracks,tearing my eyes away, watching the children playing catch , in the front yard.Of all things this i least expected, i would have thought that ,out of respect someone would have told me he was going to be there, as they know how i feel. Then i would have simply taken Scotty, picked him up and, and hopefully some leftovers, and left, n.p..Thank god, for the children, for there would have been hell on earth without them. Only 2 people have seen me mad in 20 years,and that instance came to a quick end because I misunderstood something, but just that short burst flipped them out.It is really funny to me, how people can think that because some one keeps control over their anger that it is always possible,or how simply because they have never seen a person get violent, it is not possible.It is kind of like a person who has a license to carry a concealed weapon, he may look mousy, wear glasses and carry himself in a subservient way,but watch what happens when you mess with him. Living such a quiet, peace full life here, i have tried to keep my past away, but everyone has that point, you dont want to go. There will be a day of reckoning, but it will be on my terms, and it will be hell for some one, but not in front of the kids.You know it is kinda funny talking about this, because one day Jim Lewis, unwittingly, almost got me pissed off enough, i had told him about a problem,something about a store,and he came off with the comment,that i think about the little things,while he deals with the things way up here.It was the only time he ever talked down to me,and therefore ,i checked myself,thinking he was having a bad day.I laugh sometimes when people,even people i used to work with, try to full around with me physically, for they have no idea what the hell is possible. I remember one time in Southie, i was ready ,and capable of taking on an entire bar,which scared the hell out of my brother and current girlfriend, who kept trying to get me to leave, which i eventually did, hehehehehe, and at least people knew what would happen if you push me too far, here, they have no idea, which gives me a kinda pride in myself. I was taught a long time ago,kill someone, and their suffering is over, it is far better to keep them suffering, physically or psychologically, if you wish for them to be taught a lesson.OK,thats enough on that, i made it through the dinner, i kept to myself, talked to Will about his mother passing, tried to get Linda to at least say hi, with no luck, guess she really has no use for me which hurts,and Sotty kept an eye watching me to make sure i did not lose it. He did say, when we got home he would have had my back if there had been an incident, which made me feel good. Afterwards, we went to my mothers house,gave myself a pat on the back for that, and actually had a good time.I had worried she would be alone,but oh no,living room full,hehehehe.That made me happy, she loves being the center of attention, and actually since she always was before i am glad to see she still has her admirers today. So irregardless of the little things it was a pretty good day, and i even went to sleep earlier then usual,hehehehe. I really want to keep going but its 12 pm now so will pick up tomorrow,really............until then night all, may the force be with you and love in your life,me.
WOULD YOU BELIEVE PART 2,HEHEHEHEHE. Quite simply i can not fall asleep!!!!! It is 3:30 am and here i am back again,just got done watching The Three Musketeers,eating roast beef,and cant sleep,i wonder why. Ahhhh,life, it is good sometimes!!!!!! Far better to be here then other places i could be,optimist, pessimist, but always hopeful. so lets talk about Twilight ,Breaking Dawn, Part 2. First coffee,be right back...OK,half milk,half coffee,so lets go on a philosophical journey, or a trip through my mind,and its perceptions,SCARY HUH.. Vampires,werewolves,humans,and unsurprisingly a child that encompasses all three worlds.Do we all not do the same thing on a daily basis? Dont we deal with different cultures, races, religions,ways of life on a daily journey through humanity.Adaptation, the chameleon,actors on a stage ,all different, unique,each with a hidden secret from others,all in this bustle of humanity,an individual who must adapt,to am ever changing environment of beliefs and cultures,in a shrinking world,created by mass transit and the lightning quick reflexes of an electronic age. One where secrets are harder to hide, where truth is thrown at us ,sometimes anonymously, but even so stronger with out a signature for approval.Here is the strength of mankind,for while we are each an island,we are also unique in being above all a community of adaptability.We retain our self while becoming even more as we merge with one another. Perfect, no, but out of each process of learning to adapt with others , stronger tbrough the lessons we endure,more humane through the suffering we see exists,and somewhere in there more tolerant,more understanding of how important our own individuality is for us to succeed as we merge.I am unique,ther is none like me,similar,maybe even almost identical,{i feel for you too,he,he,he},but no one else thinks or is constructed of the memories and actions that have created me. I am the vampires child. My children, will be even more, for lines disintegrate,become blurry,more will be known, less hidden,stronger they will be, for with less hidden the core must become stronger, to retain its sense of self,or get swept away.I AM ENJOYING THE HELL OUT OF THIS,i wonder what i will think of it, if and when i read it again. When i was younger, I remember taking so much , pride , trying to put this correctly,at any rate, my ability to be a chameleon ,in any group, the ability to manipulate, and control, seemed like playing.Now, i find that i recieve more pleasure or as much in watching the world, at times trying to analyze various situations, that i really have no real back ground in with the exception of having lived a diversified life. I am right sometimes,and naturally i am wrong also.The truth to me is evident,people are generally wanting to be a better person, if they could afford itthey would rather be of the more positive side.Leaders ,those that set the boundaries,here we must exercise caution.Sci fi,mystical creatures,those who can share with but a thought their truths,maybe on the day humanity can share itself,open its mind,when we have no fear of our own individuality,and an even greater love for all,we will not need leaders,or fear vampires,werewolves or ourselves,and in that unity we will be the best we can be.WOW,SAID EITHER TOO MUCH,OR CONFUSED MYSELF,BUT I THINK I LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!SO WILL READ TOMORROW,gonna try to got to sleep now good night,whoever,whatever you are and welcome into my world,it is full of life,its pain,and especially love ,later,me
Friday, November 23, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
no coffee,cigs till tomorrow and get paid on friday
Hehehehehe, life is fun, seriously.All day has been kinda strange,mainly because it was one of those days where you think it is Thursday,get paid tomorrow,and then you realize its Wednesday. I really did run out of coffe and cigs will be out tomorrow,but, it is ok,no shame in my game, will borrow a few bucks or ask my mom for some coffee. Hehehehe, she loves when i need her or need some help,and i get a kick out of her, and her actions.I have been trying harder to develop a better relationship, besides now ,i am beginning to understand life a little more,and perhaps,maybe realizing, life is not always the way we would like it to be.Now, that does not mean we can not find some humor or enjoyment,even when things are not so good.i am enjoying myself writing this post,though, i had thought about going out to shoot some pool tonight.Of course that was when i thought today was Thursday this is kinda fun,no direction,just me ,my thoughts, and some awesome music. Soooooooooo,oh yeah the vacuum cleaner works!!!!! It stopped working about a month ago, tried different outlets, no luck,pet hair driving me nuts, and it was depressing too.made me feel as if the house was nasty,even when i cleaned. I was looking around my office,room whatever you call it and on a whim plugged in the vac, sucker came on, in a loud way,spooked me while installing a moment of amazement,coupled with unbelief. Hell, yeah,i plugged that red beast in and rodeoed all over the carpet. Poor pets, it had been so long since they heard that noise, they scattered in different directions,while the vac and i carved a swath of clean through the jungle of pet fur,on the carpet.The wonder of watching the carpet beginning to unveil itself in colors of royal burgundy,dark blue,curves of white,and the grey blue of a choppy sea. Sweet!!!!!!!!, and i know i am not supposed to admit it,but, watching the cat and dog tumbling over one another in an effort to avoid me in this wondrous event,made me laugh.Fun for all.
Last night,finally started strips for Express Lane, did the store in Bristol, 92, now that was an event. Started at 7 got done about 4, so many displays to move and that tar stuff they had used to redo the parking lot,what a joyous mess.No lie, intimated at first because i wanted it to look good and not cut any edges but, honestly that floor was rough.Getting started was not too bad except for the displays, i had to keep shifting from one spot to another a couple of times, . If i had another person could have moved everything to the main aisles, and it would have gone much quicker, but thats ok,time is something i do have.Finished all of the center, leaving me just the main entrance aisle and cooler aisle.Then things got nuts,naturally, first the deli lady, tells me she has to do inventory,and she is going to wait till i am done.i told her she had complete access to the store and that i would start on front,she kept insisting she would just wait, hell, part of the job is to make sure customers have access, and here she is trying to use me as an excuse not o do her job.Then when i start on the front the clerk and deli lady are telling me to put a sign on the door to keep out the customers.I try to tell them the customers can come in the one door and we can still ring up merchandise.Oh, no, they will track up the floor and the D.M. will be upset.Now i know better, Express Lane takes care of the customer first, we work around the customer. Hell, no customers, no Express Lane, no job,sometimes i really wonder about people,bitch about pay,not enough hours,and then do something stupid like that. I get it all done,had to rip their little sign off the door,after we lost a customer who wanted some coffee,that shit pisses me off. I tried to let him in and those women were no, no, noing, me to death. Eventually i did get it done,and loaded up the front and cooler aisles with sealer and wax.The only thing i was upset about was my electric burnisher has been down for while, and the propane i am not allowed to use, so could not burnish it out.With as much wax as I put on there, we would have been looking at a sheet of glass, No dresses allowed, hehehehe. I even thought of going back tonight, do behind the counter,another 50 bucks and then buff the floor out, unfortunately no money for gas, maybe this weekend,we shall see.
Wal-Mart, I actually dropped off one of my company envelopes, now to try and talk to the manager.Slowly, but surely, I am becoming more confident, in selling myself. Being shy,thinking too much,and over thinking myself before I get in the door kills me, I am truly mine own worst enemy.For years people have been trying to get me to talk with them, to no avail. Now, it may be too late ,but i am gonna try.
What else is on my mind? Well there are somethings I try to deal with, the other day i was watching a movie dont remember which one,and someone made the statement (Being any kind of happy,is better then being miserable, about someone you cant have.) . that threw all kinds of thoughts in my head, of course it did not change anything, just gave me something to contemplate.
To end on a more positive outlook,on my way to Express Lane store 20 in Tallahassee, I stopped at one of the former Express Lane stores and I may get the contract, I also contacted the company in charge of doing the Dollar Stores,now we will just have to wait and see. At any rate ,with more effort ,comes the possibilty of greater rewards, so endeavor i shall. Thats a wrap and lots of love to all,ttyl,me.
Last night,finally started strips for Express Lane, did the store in Bristol, 92, now that was an event. Started at 7 got done about 4, so many displays to move and that tar stuff they had used to redo the parking lot,what a joyous mess.No lie, intimated at first because i wanted it to look good and not cut any edges but, honestly that floor was rough.Getting started was not too bad except for the displays, i had to keep shifting from one spot to another a couple of times, . If i had another person could have moved everything to the main aisles, and it would have gone much quicker, but thats ok,time is something i do have.Finished all of the center, leaving me just the main entrance aisle and cooler aisle.Then things got nuts,naturally, first the deli lady, tells me she has to do inventory,and she is going to wait till i am done.i told her she had complete access to the store and that i would start on front,she kept insisting she would just wait, hell, part of the job is to make sure customers have access, and here she is trying to use me as an excuse not o do her job.Then when i start on the front the clerk and deli lady are telling me to put a sign on the door to keep out the customers.I try to tell them the customers can come in the one door and we can still ring up merchandise.Oh, no, they will track up the floor and the D.M. will be upset.Now i know better, Express Lane takes care of the customer first, we work around the customer. Hell, no customers, no Express Lane, no job,sometimes i really wonder about people,bitch about pay,not enough hours,and then do something stupid like that. I get it all done,had to rip their little sign off the door,after we lost a customer who wanted some coffee,that shit pisses me off. I tried to let him in and those women were no, no, noing, me to death. Eventually i did get it done,and loaded up the front and cooler aisles with sealer and wax.The only thing i was upset about was my electric burnisher has been down for while, and the propane i am not allowed to use, so could not burnish it out.With as much wax as I put on there, we would have been looking at a sheet of glass, No dresses allowed, hehehehe. I even thought of going back tonight, do behind the counter,another 50 bucks and then buff the floor out, unfortunately no money for gas, maybe this weekend,we shall see.
Wal-Mart, I actually dropped off one of my company envelopes, now to try and talk to the manager.Slowly, but surely, I am becoming more confident, in selling myself. Being shy,thinking too much,and over thinking myself before I get in the door kills me, I am truly mine own worst enemy.For years people have been trying to get me to talk with them, to no avail. Now, it may be too late ,but i am gonna try.
What else is on my mind? Well there are somethings I try to deal with, the other day i was watching a movie dont remember which one,and someone made the statement (Being any kind of happy,is better then being miserable, about someone you cant have.) . that threw all kinds of thoughts in my head, of course it did not change anything, just gave me something to contemplate.
To end on a more positive outlook,on my way to Express Lane store 20 in Tallahassee, I stopped at one of the former Express Lane stores and I may get the contract, I also contacted the company in charge of doing the Dollar Stores,now we will just have to wait and see. At any rate ,with more effort ,comes the possibilty of greater rewards, so endeavor i shall. Thats a wrap and lots of love to all,ttyl,me.
Friday, November 9, 2012
life,my thoughts on life and living -meeting natalie stovall: Natalie Stovall-The Dance
life,my thoughts on life and living -meeting natalie stovall: Natalie Stovall-The Dance: Where do you begin when there are not enough words,the inabilty to transcribe in the same,black and white symbols,an event that colors yo...
Natalie Stovall-The Dance
Where do you begin when there are not enough words,the inabilty to transcribe in the same,black and white symbols,an event that colors your emotions,sends sparks flying along the tendrils of your thoughts, erupting your body with desire, white,soft pink and yellow, the romance, passion colored in red,and black the despondency of the knowledge, you dream the dream to be unfilled, hunger created by a vision ,only seen in the dreams of a romantic.The humor life shows,its laughter loud,with me,at me, the joyous mirth, the double edge sword cutting through me ,oh so ,loud and emphatic,wall of defense. Country music, i can not stand, dont turn it on in my car, will endure if neccessary,wishing i had cotton in my ears, hehehe. The Jester called life is standing there,smiling at me, and for the life of me,even with the knowledge of the pain ,heart break, lifes lessons from living life, i can not help but smile back,with a twinkle in my eyes,and bow in admittance that i it has taught me another lesson,and not just one but another in that somethings happen, when ,where and irregardless, of the defenses i surrounded myself with.Country music,well,have i changed myopinion,i dont really believe so,maybe a little,just a little more likely, to listen with out showing so much rejection simply because of the genre.I am dragging this out,so much to say,so me thing i cant ,a quandary, no knowledge of how to say it all,laughing at the irony of my life,the fact that i ,who would say,no shame in my game,and walk that talk,is dancing all over this page, not out of fear,or fear of redicule, its the sadness of it.Joy,bursting within,dreamer,that i am , magic my life has been ,affecting some,lives ,theirs and mine,enrichened , for i refused to believe in the improbibilty, believing that there is that one thing that can make anything possible.Ahhhhhhhhh,,,enough,can we talk?
Natalie Stovall,my first intro to her,was about a month or so ago,at her previous set at Spinakers,actually i had only come in to see some of the staff,i had checked out the website and the moment i saw country,i shook my head and decided i was spending the w/e at La vela.At any rate i am talking to the staff and the band comes on stage,with her following.Damn,here, i go at a complete loss.Music,to me, can be more intimate then sex, as personal as making love and infuse itself into your essence closer than a humans touch.The sound of a violin,fiddle,trumpet,piano,bongos,or organ,to me touch the places in me ,like an electrical circuit. This is not to belittle any other instruments,i play the guitar myself,these are the instruments that my soul responds to,there is this thing, i call it the fifth beat or rather note,i know crazy,but where most people hear ,respond ,dance to the obvious beat in a song ,when i begin to feel the raptor,the communication between my body and the music,emotional stimuli, ignighting,and my soul,starts to overflow with all the musical essence,it moves me,i am lost in the celebration,for this i have been created,to dance ,to that fifth beat,a celebration of life, an acknowledgment of my appreciation of having tasted life.Making love to life, music, our shared intimacy, Natalie played, i listened and got lost .Accolades to her fellow musicians they are all good, and i have known a few so speak with some authority,i only wish i could describe my feelings, the emotional rainbow, or the thoughts that caressed my mind .I never made it to La Velas, i did not even go to work that Sunday so i could listen to her.Life , occasionally will, in the worst of times,grant us an insight that makes our troubles become less significant,promises that life is worth living, dreams to make the day bearable.Bonding, even if unknown by another,plants us more sturdily,gives strength,desire to feel it again, i can make it for there will be another time.A testament to her,simple, after that w/e i went out once more,knowing she would be returning soon,i did not go dancing or out until she returned this w/e.This from a man who goes out every weekend, Friday, Saturday and Sunday occasionally also.It just seemed like anyone elses music would feel insignificant, at least to my soul.i will be the first to tell you that i sound crazy,i mean i love hip hop,blues,some classical ,rock,i love music.Now i have been smitten by some country/western singer,lordy,lordy.
O.k,,god for a man who cant type that well this is taking forever,to me its worth it,for, some day i will smile with the memories it brings fresh again.The next show,last w/e,demonstrated the humor,joy and promise life offers,It will not tell of the anguish, fear, or reality of being the romantic fool i am.So remember that lifes beauty did overcome pain, in the midst of torture there is a quiet place,and that the dance celebrates all aspects of life, the spin and that joyous leap encompassing all, in its celebration. Checking the web,i found that Natalie was only playing Sat.and Sun. night, in addition Spinnaker was closing for the rest of the year till New Years.I am such a man,did not go to the club and yell at them, or demand that they cant do this to me, hehehehe. You know sometimes life just sucks!!!!! I dont think they would have listened to me anyway,i am laughing to myself as i write this,wonder if it is to help cover the pain of being me.Oh, well, on we go,i had been so impressed with Natalie,i had told Scottman, i was going to ask her if she would come meet Stormy and possibly play for her,thinking how much Stormy loves country,plus it would make a lasting impression on her,and maybe make up for me not spending time with her.How do you explain you dont even have the money for the gas,when they live 10 miles away.Life,you gotta love it.Anywayyyy,back to basics,Saturday night i go to the club, everyone said they missed me which made me feel good, actually real good,so there,hehehe. Surprise,surprise,main stage is shut down,now whats up,turns out they are using the smaller stage in the back.Now i feel a little anxious,see there is a seating area around the main stage overlooking the dance floor,with a shelf for your drinks,and thats where i dance at,never get on the floor. i am always a little nervous when i feel the music starting to seep inside ,making me want to dance, and in addition it is like my safety ,for women cant dance with me, or at least most of the time, though there have been a couple who just jump in. In the back, with the exception of the stage ,its all one level including the dance floor,ughh,what do i do now.Natalie,starts her first set,and me i am not going to risk anything so i sit in a chair, figuring i will just listen.She plays,i listen, eventually i cant stop myself,i stand feeling the combination of her,the music,my thoughts,and my body responds, almost as if there is no resistance left. Captured like a deer in the lights,i stand in the corner ,my body screaming for freedom as i attempt to appease it by simply letting my feet move,holding myself in check. after the first set i escape into the dance room inside,trying to feed my bodys dancing hunger by dancing a little inside. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh the night, i stayed until the last set, torn in two, at one point Natalie, came up to me ,saying hi,telling me she appreciated the fact i came to hear her.Talk about feeling like a kid again, my mind racing with things i wanted to say,thought of saying to her,duhhhhhhhhh, i have seldom felt so tongue tied. Mind overload, where would i start,she would think i was a wacko,hell i am writing this, trying not to say too much and i wonder,hehehehe,overwhelmed.
Sunday night,last night of the year for Spinnakers and i have decided i am going to go, i tell myself its the last night, some of the people asked if i was coming,what the hell,i know i am going ,i know why,i just cant be honest with myself,Buty then while we can lie to others we cant lie to ourselves. At least i cant. Anyway, this is where i hope that i never forget the night,one of the most wonderful times,one of the most difficult nights i have experienced.I got there after the first set,i know,i swear it was a night that only the fates could have set up. First, one of the waitresses,i owe a debt of gratitude to , for unknowingly she made the night possible, by being a little wise ass,which i say with a smile.Natalie came up to me after the first set,being nice ,she said hello, and being scared to the point i could not let the fear win,i talked back, i know, no big deal for someone else but i was an emotional wreck.I even worked up the courage, to talk to her about Stormy and she said that i could bring her down for the sound check,next year.Which was sweet ,even though its a long time from now,damn that sucks. Well next thing you know i had asked the waitress how old Natalie was,wise ass,hehehe,says she dont know walks over too Natalie,over my screaming at her to stop,next thing you know,Natalie,turns around,blond hair swinging,eyes full of a sassy fire and ,strutting like a ,how can i describe, simply beautiful.Demanding me to tell her old i thought she was,,for some reason that instant she became real,which is hard to describe but i know what i mean,and life was good .It was standing room only and this meant i could hide in the crowd and dance, like no one was watching , and i did. i even felt restricted , feeling as if i wanted to explode with the magic of her,reveal my celebration of her music with my dance,share the intimacy i felt. Her,the music, me, the dance,there are very few women that i personally feel an affinity to,enough to share the dance,but here the man that told women no all the time,wanted to dance with someone.For me to admit this to myself was a surprise in itself, the desire ahhhhhhhh,what can i say,except read this again if cant remember,hehehe.Not likely,we are getting close,this has taken hours,but thats o.k..
THE DANCE, is more intimate then making love,for here you dont worry about good enough, do this ,do that, it is two people free of constraint, celebrating passion , the melding of two people joyously sharing themselves with another, their eyes revealing to one another thoughts,and emotions ,reflections that words can only begin to try to describe. before man could speak he revealed himself through dance, its power,and interpretation speaking volumes to another. Ok,ok,just about there,Natalie is playing,sparkling,,filling me,I am dancing over to the side so i can watch her play,mesmorized by the magic she weaves, she looks at me and there is a second, recognition, and she plays,hot,fast,furious,eyes beaming with intensity,while she challenges me on the floor,shacles broken,crowd opening i dance in response,here i am ,free of thought, bubbling in a passion uncorked,celebrating the moment, I dance in for,because of this woman, who stands before me playing like a musical muse from an enchanted forest.This moment , wondrous, magical, and then i looking into her eyes, they are closed, as she plays, saddened here, i am lost, here i wanted you to see,to share ,i spin torn,thinking by the time i come back she will open her eyes, she is gone, walking away, playing as if to make the gods hear. Happy, confused, sad, it was all,and even with its sadness the ignition of that first passion will always be there. I am proud of the fact that i am who i am,i feel no shame in being sensitive ,romantic,or a dreamer.Chances, i have taken risks, reaped the benefits of following my heart,not my head, and one of lifes ironies is this.To truly appreciate,something, you must first lose it, and what good would being happy be without some knowledge of sadness.So,do you, do you, do you want a dance baby?!!!!!!!!
Natalie Stovall,my first intro to her,was about a month or so ago,at her previous set at Spinakers,actually i had only come in to see some of the staff,i had checked out the website and the moment i saw country,i shook my head and decided i was spending the w/e at La vela.At any rate i am talking to the staff and the band comes on stage,with her following.Damn,here, i go at a complete loss.Music,to me, can be more intimate then sex, as personal as making love and infuse itself into your essence closer than a humans touch.The sound of a violin,fiddle,trumpet,piano,bongos,or organ,to me touch the places in me ,like an electrical circuit. This is not to belittle any other instruments,i play the guitar myself,these are the instruments that my soul responds to,there is this thing, i call it the fifth beat or rather note,i know crazy,but where most people hear ,respond ,dance to the obvious beat in a song ,when i begin to feel the raptor,the communication between my body and the music,emotional stimuli, ignighting,and my soul,starts to overflow with all the musical essence,it moves me,i am lost in the celebration,for this i have been created,to dance ,to that fifth beat,a celebration of life, an acknowledgment of my appreciation of having tasted life.Making love to life, music, our shared intimacy, Natalie played, i listened and got lost .Accolades to her fellow musicians they are all good, and i have known a few so speak with some authority,i only wish i could describe my feelings, the emotional rainbow, or the thoughts that caressed my mind .I never made it to La Velas, i did not even go to work that Sunday so i could listen to her.Life , occasionally will, in the worst of times,grant us an insight that makes our troubles become less significant,promises that life is worth living, dreams to make the day bearable.Bonding, even if unknown by another,plants us more sturdily,gives strength,desire to feel it again, i can make it for there will be another time.A testament to her,simple, after that w/e i went out once more,knowing she would be returning soon,i did not go dancing or out until she returned this w/e.This from a man who goes out every weekend, Friday, Saturday and Sunday occasionally also.It just seemed like anyone elses music would feel insignificant, at least to my soul.i will be the first to tell you that i sound crazy,i mean i love hip hop,blues,some classical ,rock,i love music.Now i have been smitten by some country/western singer,lordy,lordy.
O.k,,god for a man who cant type that well this is taking forever,to me its worth it,for, some day i will smile with the memories it brings fresh again.The next show,last w/e,demonstrated the humor,joy and promise life offers,It will not tell of the anguish, fear, or reality of being the romantic fool i am.So remember that lifes beauty did overcome pain, in the midst of torture there is a quiet place,and that the dance celebrates all aspects of life, the spin and that joyous leap encompassing all, in its celebration. Checking the web,i found that Natalie was only playing Sat.and Sun. night, in addition Spinnaker was closing for the rest of the year till New Years.I am such a man,did not go to the club and yell at them, or demand that they cant do this to me, hehehehe. You know sometimes life just sucks!!!!! I dont think they would have listened to me anyway,i am laughing to myself as i write this,wonder if it is to help cover the pain of being me.Oh, well, on we go,i had been so impressed with Natalie,i had told Scottman, i was going to ask her if she would come meet Stormy and possibly play for her,thinking how much Stormy loves country,plus it would make a lasting impression on her,and maybe make up for me not spending time with her.How do you explain you dont even have the money for the gas,when they live 10 miles away.Life,you gotta love it.Anywayyyy,back to basics,Saturday night i go to the club, everyone said they missed me which made me feel good, actually real good,so there,hehehe. Surprise,surprise,main stage is shut down,now whats up,turns out they are using the smaller stage in the back.Now i feel a little anxious,see there is a seating area around the main stage overlooking the dance floor,with a shelf for your drinks,and thats where i dance at,never get on the floor. i am always a little nervous when i feel the music starting to seep inside ,making me want to dance, and in addition it is like my safety ,for women cant dance with me, or at least most of the time, though there have been a couple who just jump in. In the back, with the exception of the stage ,its all one level including the dance floor,ughh,what do i do now.Natalie,starts her first set,and me i am not going to risk anything so i sit in a chair, figuring i will just listen.She plays,i listen, eventually i cant stop myself,i stand feeling the combination of her,the music,my thoughts,and my body responds, almost as if there is no resistance left. Captured like a deer in the lights,i stand in the corner ,my body screaming for freedom as i attempt to appease it by simply letting my feet move,holding myself in check. after the first set i escape into the dance room inside,trying to feed my bodys dancing hunger by dancing a little inside. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh the night, i stayed until the last set, torn in two, at one point Natalie, came up to me ,saying hi,telling me she appreciated the fact i came to hear her.Talk about feeling like a kid again, my mind racing with things i wanted to say,thought of saying to her,duhhhhhhhhh, i have seldom felt so tongue tied. Mind overload, where would i start,she would think i was a wacko,hell i am writing this, trying not to say too much and i wonder,hehehehe,overwhelmed.
Sunday night,last night of the year for Spinnakers and i have decided i am going to go, i tell myself its the last night, some of the people asked if i was coming,what the hell,i know i am going ,i know why,i just cant be honest with myself,Buty then while we can lie to others we cant lie to ourselves. At least i cant. Anyway, this is where i hope that i never forget the night,one of the most wonderful times,one of the most difficult nights i have experienced.I got there after the first set,i know,i swear it was a night that only the fates could have set up. First, one of the waitresses,i owe a debt of gratitude to , for unknowingly she made the night possible, by being a little wise ass,which i say with a smile.Natalie came up to me after the first set,being nice ,she said hello, and being scared to the point i could not let the fear win,i talked back, i know, no big deal for someone else but i was an emotional wreck.I even worked up the courage, to talk to her about Stormy and she said that i could bring her down for the sound check,next year.Which was sweet ,even though its a long time from now,damn that sucks. Well next thing you know i had asked the waitress how old Natalie was,wise ass,hehehe,says she dont know walks over too Natalie,over my screaming at her to stop,next thing you know,Natalie,turns around,blond hair swinging,eyes full of a sassy fire and ,strutting like a ,how can i describe, simply beautiful.Demanding me to tell her old i thought she was,,for some reason that instant she became real,which is hard to describe but i know what i mean,and life was good .It was standing room only and this meant i could hide in the crowd and dance, like no one was watching , and i did. i even felt restricted , feeling as if i wanted to explode with the magic of her,reveal my celebration of her music with my dance,share the intimacy i felt. Her,the music, me, the dance,there are very few women that i personally feel an affinity to,enough to share the dance,but here the man that told women no all the time,wanted to dance with someone.For me to admit this to myself was a surprise in itself, the desire ahhhhhhhh,what can i say,except read this again if cant remember,hehehe.Not likely,we are getting close,this has taken hours,but thats o.k..
THE DANCE, is more intimate then making love,for here you dont worry about good enough, do this ,do that, it is two people free of constraint, celebrating passion , the melding of two people joyously sharing themselves with another, their eyes revealing to one another thoughts,and emotions ,reflections that words can only begin to try to describe. before man could speak he revealed himself through dance, its power,and interpretation speaking volumes to another. Ok,ok,just about there,Natalie is playing,sparkling,,filling me,I am dancing over to the side so i can watch her play,mesmorized by the magic she weaves, she looks at me and there is a second, recognition, and she plays,hot,fast,furious,eyes beaming with intensity,while she challenges me on the floor,shacles broken,crowd opening i dance in response,here i am ,free of thought, bubbling in a passion uncorked,celebrating the moment, I dance in for,because of this woman, who stands before me playing like a musical muse from an enchanted forest.This moment , wondrous, magical, and then i looking into her eyes, they are closed, as she plays, saddened here, i am lost, here i wanted you to see,to share ,i spin torn,thinking by the time i come back she will open her eyes, she is gone, walking away, playing as if to make the gods hear. Happy, confused, sad, it was all,and even with its sadness the ignition of that first passion will always be there. I am proud of the fact that i am who i am,i feel no shame in being sensitive ,romantic,or a dreamer.Chances, i have taken risks, reaped the benefits of following my heart,not my head, and one of lifes ironies is this.To truly appreciate,something, you must first lose it, and what good would being happy be without some knowledge of sadness.So,do you, do you, do you want a dance baby?!!!!!!!!
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