Damn ,its been awhile,hehe. Plus its 1;30 in the am,with a revolving door of thoughts,that had been centered and firmly held,blown from their moorings,by a totally unexpected chain of actions. Those who know me , know I keep my secrets well, my heart cased in pains of the past,yet i acknowledge and feel that which makes my life the wonder it is.
I am the voyeur in my life,the watcher who knows what could have been possible,the judge who passes sentence if unleashed, and the protector of those I love and care for, and the child who cries in silence large warm tears that cool as they trickle down my face,for denial of love thats best for all, unspoken ,but there, a roarr,thats kept contained, its best for you.
Thoughts,spearing through,piercing free,colored electrical arcs,blue, red,silver,connecting combinations kept in thrall, creating passages i can envision,fearing to tread. What have I done in my past life to reap this pain, to know, to feel,that wondrous caress, that love enfolds you with,its passion which springs from my eyes,a hidden truth that here cant hide.
Life for some is a predictable event,on and on it rolls,for others those who walk a different path, one of their own,the highs are amazing,its lows, ones that can absorb the soul, lose the person and create a vacancy where a human once dwelt. It is amazing how a seemingly ordinary or in appearance, casual act can affect the path of a persons life....my life is a road map of them. My life,the good and the bad have been touched,enriched,and brought to despair by individual acts from which my life has been shaped. Its Christmas, i am broke,see no light,to me its the biggest holiday of the year, its when i shower those I love with all I can. Despondent, I go to Wal mart, and watching the people doing their shopping,you see the joy as they pick out gifts,the children acting like children,laughing, smiling being mischievous, parents trying unsuccessfully to be stern, and I realize that here is the true joy of Christmas, not the gifts as much as doing the best we can with what we have, to give someone we care for,a gift of unselfishness,money which would have maybe done more for ourselves but another is more important. I left the store and though i did not have much , I did shop with a lighter heart,that will always be enrichened with a knowledge others did not even know they were teaching. I told this story to get back on track and to show how interaction can occur without intention.
The Voice,********,a show that i watched occasionally,with some enjoyment,has gotten me pretty upset,and I will be the first to admit, it was something they have probably done every show,but this time it hit close to home.The winner of The Voice is picked by the audience and a lot of people will watch the beginning trials to pick their contestant,then vote for them at every chance. Contestants who are viewed on the blind auditions begin building their base from these performances,and so the games begin,however, a few are just listed, in a montage,as having been picked by the various judges, and the initial show is not shown,resulting in a missed opportunity,when viewer fever is hot.I had the good fortune to have seen Natalie Stovall, perform at Spinnakers Beach Club here in Panama City Beach,Fl..Naturally when I heard she was going to be on The Voice,I was excited for her,and resolved to watching every show.Working nights , I had to reschedule some jobs,etc,etc, but it was with a smile on my face and joy in my heart,for here was the proof of my belief in her.I dont care for country music too much,but recognize the beauty and soul of her artistry.You know this is kinda like a mini hell for me to refresh that which was buried,I hurt,but even in my pain,its beauty, colors my emotions with the colors of a fairies wing,a rainbow of colors held aloft by soft ,vibrantly beating wings,leaving a stirring wind in the passage. I cry as I dream of yesterday,and days never created.
Natalie, has been through a the ups and downs of the industry,and we all know of someone who got soooo close and through no fault of their own,or because someone else was in the right place at the right time ,missed out on their rightful destiny. I firmly believe she will one day be recognized as the artist she is,my pain comes in watching her suffer,through no action of her own. the price she pays for anothers error in judgement. In listening to her, i feel the mystery of who she is,the empathy of my soul for her being,I worry that the strength of her magic,can be weakened not by intention but through the unfortunate mysterious ways of life.
Her performance on the blind auditions may never be seen,which i believe was so wrong, a few moments she worked so hard for to share with us, it may not seem like much but to put months of work,day after day,to analyze oneself to drive yourself,with fervor,to be honest with yourself and where you could slide along once before,now not only being judged by your peers,but that one you cannot lie to yourself. Damn i am getting pissed with no right i realize, but it was not right. The problem with becoming successful,is simple,too often its stated I have not forgotten how I got here. Really? I think I can safely state, that thats not entirely true,one of the shows I like is Undercover Boss, because for many of them it is a true reawakening of what is real for millions, How many artists do we know that if they were to star over with no prior recognition would make it.Many times it was a song that meshed with its culture,or the help of another artist,or playing with a popular artist.
In my world,she is a star,and has always been one,I only wish for the rest of the world to have the chance to hear her,so they can decide for themselves. Treat her right Blake,and may the force be with you.
