Just finished watching the smurf movie,gotta love it,so cute and also has a few lessons for us in it.I smurf you is another way of saying i love you,isnt it amazing that we never tire of coming up with new ways to tell one another we love you.All those little catch phrases,some that endure time or become a part of street language, to exist by those in the know.i love movies that are happy, take me to apart of my life i had forgotten or reminds me how fortunate i am today.life,damn it is definately not long enough,so much i want to accomplish,do with my life,and love to give. It is different,i think about the people i love ,younger then me whose lives will continue after i am gone, i smile sometimes,thinking of the times i will not be able to share with them,the smile is because it is with optimism and the happiness i am sure they will discover in their lives,I have been blessed with knowing them,thats a treasure none can take ,well except Alzheimer disease.Myself,i guess thats what always been important,not the money,material things,but the knowledge in my own way i have enrichened some lives,that the memories of me ,while not perfect will reflect a care for others,an appreciation for being alive,my only failing as a human being true to oneself,an inability of belief in myself in matters of love and i guess there is always a price to pay.
Ok, now as to what i have been doing since my last post on the 9th.Darn i just realized that was exactly 2 weeks ago today,hehehe.Michael and Michele both had birthdays,and my friend Sal,who i have known for oh sooo long,hehehe.Work has been same,insufficent,but i am working on improving that, finally, i procrastinate until its too late then go crazy trying to fix things, lordy,lordy, will i ever learn, hehehe.Last week i finally worked up the resolve to try and get some more business,i made 7 cold calls,i realize that is not alot,however it is definitely an improvement over nothing.I did 3 one day then 4 on the following day, its mainly just a way to get me to overcome the fear of doing sales and that rejection thing. i also went to a small business and veterans outreach center,i pass it all the time, think of going in but keep putting it off,so i am a little more proud of myself.Not too complain but 450.00 a week is not cutting it and though i have managed to keep things up,it is definitely time to grow or go as they say.Scotty says we are maintaining,but thats about all we are doing, so i am going to give it a shot,hell if i can figure it out i may get some work ,subbing or trying to get a major contract.Right now,though i am going to just do the cold calls till i can figure out how to get a hold of some of the major contractors.
DANCE,cant let that go,yes, i have been out every w/e,cost is about 10.00 for the entire w/e,so i dont feel too guilty about that.I only went to Spinnakers this w/e and last,Orange Ave.played this weekend,they were good,the previous weekend,i got my socks rocked by Natalie Stovall. I do not enjoy country music,however ,she managed to turn me a little bit.First of all she is a performer,and she plays the sweetest and sexiest fiddle i have heard in awhile.I confess i was at all 3 shows and when she returns in November, I will be there,anticipating.Who would have ever thought? The w/e previous Spinnaker had a country band,it was a filler i will admit,so bad i left after a couple of songs,going to La Vela, which i have to admit i had not been too in too long.I ran into a couple of people i knew and it was actually a pretty good time.Oh,just remembered ,i actually have footage of me dancing at Spinnakers,a guy recorded me,he was out with a couple of girls and i guess they thought i was alright.At any rate, he introduced himself to me tried to hook me up with one of the girls ,so i explained i was married and we just talked for a bit which was fun.When Scotty returns i will ask him to put the clip on here.
Office,oh hell yeah,finally!!!!!Taking the spare bedroom and doing a conversion.I call it the office,but its really going to be a Marino room.My artwork,books ,all those little things that bring pleasure to my senses, a true representation of myself, and it is taking FOREVER,hehehe,and will probably take eternity to complete, all this i say with a smile though, broke,not wanting too settle for anything other then my dream, oh well it will be worth it .Too start with it was this ugly brownish tan that took 3 coats of primer,do you believe it,to get rid of.I did the ceiling first, i had to take part of it down then ended up trying to fix all the dimples in it, finally got that primed,then covered it with a coat of Behr semi gloss pure white,adding a second coat of the same that i had mixed some crystals in, trying to pop it.I think i will probably redo it as i dont think the glitter shows enough, i also discovered the ceiling fan is off center,ughhhh.Oh well,that just gives me an opportunity to come up with something,what i have no idea,hehehe. Paint,ahhh,the colors of the world run through my mind, i believe i have picked out my primary colors,it being a small room the pure white will act as a base.Life is too colorful to stop there however and my artwork while colorful, i am trying to use as an exclamation on the walls while retaining a little bit of playfulness,and seriousness, in the colors of the room.A child given a new toy,thats how i feel about my room, i dont mind the time it will take,the exasperation i experience when confronted with a problem,it is so much FUN!!!Of course i dont have much money,it took me 2 maybe 3 weeks to get the money for the ceiling,i buy a package of glitter a week thats about 8 or 9 bucks,i still have some white that i have had stashed away for a couple of years,still good though.Accent colors, i have three definates and 1 maybe, those will probably take me a couple of months,unless I pick up some extra work.All good though.I spent this week trying to lay out my plan on where to hang my prints and such, you would not believe how difficult it can be trying to put a square on the wall without the proper tools,oh and this week bought a roll of tape.I think it was 8 bucks but it is better then the blue tape as it has a repellent on it for paint that makes your lines crisper. I will post some pictures also,but dont expect too see much till its done.
Ohhhh,i almost forgot,life changeing news, i have for the first time been getting up at 8 am almost every day,now, for most thats like a soooo,but it has been almost 20 years since i have tried to do this so yup,feeling good about it myself. I guess thats it for now and no i never stop thinking about you,love to all and to all may there be joy in your life,marino.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
the movie,how to lose a guy in ten days
well just got done watching how to lose a guy in 10 days,funny,endearing and it made me think about things.My dad,he met every woman that was important in my life,crazy place to star but i miss him.In the movie,he brings her over to meet his family,and his mother states he never brought another woman over,i guess we only want to bring home those that we find important,those we feel will be important enough to share our deepest secrets with,comfortable and secure enough that no matter what our family says, embarrassed us with,no harm will come to our relationship.i keep using the words us,but this is only as a comfort zone,in actuality it is only myself i can write about,.My dad always just wanted me to be happy,did not always think i was making a good choice,however he embarrassed me or made the women feel uncomfortable,what else can you ask for.They always fell for him anyways,he was just that kind of guy.
LOVE,with it i can conquer the world,without,is only the kind of existence that seems grey,foggy,a monotone existence,where you just put one foot in front of the other.Barry White says it well,you are my everything.Old school,yes but to the romantic one of a kindred spirit.Where to go from here?My age,57,a number,it tells not of the young child inside,the spirit that flows in rapturous harmony with every note of music,a dreamer of enchantment,the bitterness of being judged by those younger basing all on appearance,the joy when they see the spirit that lives inside making them desirous to be me.Quiet,am i,until i hear the music,see a womans desire to get to know me,scared i am always,only the music freeing my inhibitions,afraid of a life where love has knocked at my door,entered and shall be no more.Loss of that romantic moment,where to kiss is as satisfying,maybe even better then the actual act of sex.Twinkle,twinkle send shivers through me when i see that twinkle in her eyes,comfort in her arms,where i feel the security that no matter what,it will be ok.Wrapping her in my arms kissing the back of her sweet head,desiring to protect her from all bad,walking down a street,fingers wrapped together,holding hands,exclaiming to the world,we are one.Life,has been good to me.Is it age that stops,the knowledge of a love lost,or the fight ,that drains the spirit,for i refuse to accept what reality offers me.Drowning,overwhelmed,i struggle to the surface seeking,the tiniest bit of air.Seeing others,most younger though not all,loving someone,irregardless of the world around them,denying judgement of themselves by others, resplendent,dazzling and daring all in their display of love for one another.Here,i look for my breath,painful to draw into myself,for it is not i,its truth being anything is possible,even for one such as i.They come in all shapes,sizes,races,ages intermingling,boundaries non existence,torn down by the force of love.Hope,a light only dimmed by loves light,breaks through sustaining me making life possible,its promise of possibility making all endurable.
Jealousy,does rear her ugly head,if just for he briefest moment,sadness as my life whips through sweet memories of yesterday,anger at myself,mad at my fear,of never having told,making it seem like i dont care,what do i know of you?I know you are there,hidden from my view,life it is a stage and i,one of its actors,showing life is being lived, existence is being maintained,if only for the briefest glimpse of you.
It seems like i am my own worst enemy,my friends have always thought it humorous that i could never tell when women where interested in me,which was true,it is also true that i,i have always been intimidated by women,i am attracted to,or even worse feared i would be considered inadequate sexually.Fear,always afraid,hell of a thing for someone as romantic as myself.So i guess i have been fortunate that the women in my life had the courage to overcome my own doubts.I was master of subtle hints,letting them know i was interested,scared of taking that first step.Women,have shown an interest,their failure,if you wish to call it such,being in that they only displayed an interest in a sexual form.I am realistic enough,maybe harshly so,in the knowledge that i am not that great in bed.Maybe it is just my own perception,women seemed ok with me,but,love,for me is the magical elixir,the leveler that makes even the worst,the best for another.
Love,that strength which can overcome all,is so fragile in its beginnings,like the first thread in a spiders web.The moment we first realize we are captured in the web,its beginnings tease us.tearing me from within,like a wind whipping thru the pages of a book,each page opening to reveal all my weaknesses,scaring me ,making me question myself,my heart screaming to tell,my fear rendering me mute. Interpretation,here i which we were telepathic,if only emotionally.Safe it would be,honest,so you and i,would not hurt one another.Sex,it appears you seem only to be interested in,or offering,thats scary,would you scorn me,maybe laugh at me.For you see,i am excited more by your laugh,that look in your eye,the thought of holding your hand,or holding you as you sleep,SEX scares me,the joy of being intimate,the knowledge you accept me as i am,that is the nectar of my existence.Scared,hell yes,for some a kiss is nothing,for me,it is act of saying you have power over me,its a surrender,the sweetness undescribable.The overcoming of fear,that moment when lips first touch,the feel of our bodies molding together,a dream that is now real,i am yours,you can hurt me,i give you this freely,with trepidation,i savor this,pulling back to see what truth there is in your eyes.Here,the kiss that seemingly innocent beginning,begins the web.On this can a thing of wonder and beauty sparkle forth each strand giving strength,each day it sparkles anew with another weave wove.It all starts with that first strand,the one so difficult to start.
In the movie,both people have two different objectives,one to lose someone,thr other to gain someone,and yet through the wonder of being themselves,the magic of love and being honest with each other ends up in a happy ending.This is me,the optimist who believes the power of love can overcome,the hardest thing is the honesty,which makes you so vulnerable.Once found,it gives those a strength second to none,a shield of protection in defiance of all.
LOVE,with it i can conquer the world,without,is only the kind of existence that seems grey,foggy,a monotone existence,where you just put one foot in front of the other.Barry White says it well,you are my everything.Old school,yes but to the romantic one of a kindred spirit.Where to go from here?My age,57,a number,it tells not of the young child inside,the spirit that flows in rapturous harmony with every note of music,a dreamer of enchantment,the bitterness of being judged by those younger basing all on appearance,the joy when they see the spirit that lives inside making them desirous to be me.Quiet,am i,until i hear the music,see a womans desire to get to know me,scared i am always,only the music freeing my inhibitions,afraid of a life where love has knocked at my door,entered and shall be no more.Loss of that romantic moment,where to kiss is as satisfying,maybe even better then the actual act of sex.Twinkle,twinkle send shivers through me when i see that twinkle in her eyes,comfort in her arms,where i feel the security that no matter what,it will be ok.Wrapping her in my arms kissing the back of her sweet head,desiring to protect her from all bad,walking down a street,fingers wrapped together,holding hands,exclaiming to the world,we are one.Life,has been good to me.Is it age that stops,the knowledge of a love lost,or the fight ,that drains the spirit,for i refuse to accept what reality offers me.Drowning,overwhelmed,i struggle to the surface seeking,the tiniest bit of air.Seeing others,most younger though not all,loving someone,irregardless of the world around them,denying judgement of themselves by others, resplendent,dazzling and daring all in their display of love for one another.Here,i look for my breath,painful to draw into myself,for it is not i,its truth being anything is possible,even for one such as i.They come in all shapes,sizes,races,ages intermingling,boundaries non existence,torn down by the force of love.Hope,a light only dimmed by loves light,breaks through sustaining me making life possible,its promise of possibility making all endurable.
Jealousy,does rear her ugly head,if just for he briefest moment,sadness as my life whips through sweet memories of yesterday,anger at myself,mad at my fear,of never having told,making it seem like i dont care,what do i know of you?I know you are there,hidden from my view,life it is a stage and i,one of its actors,showing life is being lived, existence is being maintained,if only for the briefest glimpse of you.
It seems like i am my own worst enemy,my friends have always thought it humorous that i could never tell when women where interested in me,which was true,it is also true that i,i have always been intimidated by women,i am attracted to,or even worse feared i would be considered inadequate sexually.Fear,always afraid,hell of a thing for someone as romantic as myself.So i guess i have been fortunate that the women in my life had the courage to overcome my own doubts.I was master of subtle hints,letting them know i was interested,scared of taking that first step.Women,have shown an interest,their failure,if you wish to call it such,being in that they only displayed an interest in a sexual form.I am realistic enough,maybe harshly so,in the knowledge that i am not that great in bed.Maybe it is just my own perception,women seemed ok with me,but,love,for me is the magical elixir,the leveler that makes even the worst,the best for another.
Love,that strength which can overcome all,is so fragile in its beginnings,like the first thread in a spiders web.The moment we first realize we are captured in the web,its beginnings tease us.tearing me from within,like a wind whipping thru the pages of a book,each page opening to reveal all my weaknesses,scaring me ,making me question myself,my heart screaming to tell,my fear rendering me mute. Interpretation,here i which we were telepathic,if only emotionally.Safe it would be,honest,so you and i,would not hurt one another.Sex,it appears you seem only to be interested in,or offering,thats scary,would you scorn me,maybe laugh at me.For you see,i am excited more by your laugh,that look in your eye,the thought of holding your hand,or holding you as you sleep,SEX scares me,the joy of being intimate,the knowledge you accept me as i am,that is the nectar of my existence.Scared,hell yes,for some a kiss is nothing,for me,it is act of saying you have power over me,its a surrender,the sweetness undescribable.The overcoming of fear,that moment when lips first touch,the feel of our bodies molding together,a dream that is now real,i am yours,you can hurt me,i give you this freely,with trepidation,i savor this,pulling back to see what truth there is in your eyes.Here,the kiss that seemingly innocent beginning,begins the web.On this can a thing of wonder and beauty sparkle forth each strand giving strength,each day it sparkles anew with another weave wove.It all starts with that first strand,the one so difficult to start.
In the movie,both people have two different objectives,one to lose someone,thr other to gain someone,and yet through the wonder of being themselves,the magic of love and being honest with each other ends up in a happy ending.This is me,the optimist who believes the power of love can overcome,the hardest thing is the honesty,which makes you so vulnerable.Once found,it gives those a strength second to none,a shield of protection in defiance of all.
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