The Boardwalk

          Life is like a jack in the box, always something popping up, never knowing what, is the magic in it, and our ability to deal with these things ,help form and shape our inner being ,for better or worse.Was it only last week ,maybe the week before, things were getting a little crazy, not just in personal life, but bills too. It is really wierd for me, a person who never used to even try to pay my bills on time, to actually caring that they are. I guess when it gets to the point where you dont have the resources, and things get shut off, it is a lot different,from having the money to pay them and just putting it off, to pay it next week or month.Yup, i call that fear, hehe,get behind and dont know when  you can pull another rabbit out of the hat, so you try to keep it straight.Hehehe. I am writing as i am in a good mood now, it has not been a bad week,though it has had its moments,for sure, So lets begin this twisting journey,take a few detours,and rock and roll.
         The Boardwalk Beach Resort, is one of the premier resort areas here in Panama City Beach,Fl.,it is also one of the more difficult places for a vendor to get in,due to their high standards.A couple of weeks ago,tthe company that handles their janitorial supplies,Tek supply,was kind enough to recommend me to do some floor work for them. I met with them, gave them a price and honestly speaking, though I had high hopes, I also had low expectations. they called me back and asked for another meeeting stating they had only gotten approval for a one time clean, and asked if i was still interested.Hell Yeah!!!!!!! Like I told them better to be working, then sitting at home worrying about paying the bills, when asked about the price I told them it would stay the same. A lot of companies would have gone up on the price,I figured if I do a good job, they will keep me and if they need other floors done they will continue with my service.
         The day arrives when I am supposed to start and I am feeling strange, waking up I fell a new sensation and it is not pleasant. Trying to figure it out, i mention it to Scotty, and he states, overwhelmed maybe?, hit it right on the nail.It had never happened to me before,hehe, anytime I figure a job was too big, I would just state that it would take till I was done, plus before I would usually have some help, here we are talking 14,000 sq. ft., and using a 15 inch side by side for most of it, though I did have my automatic scrubber for the travatine. Plus no help,and they needed it done by friday morning, 4 nights and quality must come first.
         I had given my nephew, Robert, and Noah, a guy who used to work with me, calls but never got an answer. When Robert called back and said he would help out, it was better then an alka seltzer when you are bloated,hehe. Monday and Tuesday we got the lobby,dining room and front entrance way done,all to my standards and the Boardwalks expectations, they being impressed with the cleanliness not only of the tile but the grout also. They stated that the last 2 times the floors had not come out so well, even though they paid more. Wednesday night,Robert could not work and there was all this travertine left, so i brought down the big scrubber and just looked at the first hallway,thinking I am never gonna get it done.It seemed like it was a mile long, I swear, I am gonna measure it one day.hehehe. I got a late start as I had to do the Piggly Wiggly Express in Fountain first,so after setting up my equipment, it must have been about 10 pm. Everything is set up, Scrubber is charged and I sit down to have a smoke, my mind racing in torment at all that could go wrong, The longer I smoke , the louder the rattles of that snake, self doubt got, until finally tired of the noise in my head, I flung my smoke into the ashtray,and tossing all thoughts aside, just began to begin. The hall was beautiful,smooth sheets of  whitish, smoky grey, squares ,bordering roughhewn  natural stone of the same color, however its beauty lay in its coarsenes, interlaced with open veins,pinholes,and natural gashes ranging in color from a pearl white,to a black soft and translucent as that of a squids defense. Set in between these sheets of coarse stones, centered in the smooth travertine, were sunbursts,costructed of small tiles, measuring up to 3 or 4 ft in size, ranging from a rusty red to a soft turquoise, the colors,demanding, a closer look, at the intricate play of hues,creating a picture often taken for granted, in its entirety as a whole.
        So it began, the unveiling, starting with a small section at the top, laying down a cleanser and cleaning the grime of a couple of years,rinsing it repeatedly to remove the layers trapped not only in the surface but removing the accumulation trapped in the veins and pinholes.Its beauty apparent as it dries to a soft luster,while its sunburst pendants revealed colors,soft yet strong, patinas which prevail on your eyes to search and imbibe of a sensual feast. Here I get lost, no thoughts, simply enjoying the colors unfolding beneath me, the joy in the pleasure of being the first to behold this softly sensual beauty. The sunburst had colors I would never have thought to associate with a sunburst, blues,soft greens, muted orange, a greenish turquoise that entranced me. here the splendor of mother nature crafted with human hands depicted a beauty, singular and original, though each was similar in the general depiction. At 6 am I finished the hallway, looking down, you no longer saw the more reflective sheen created by the dirt and cleansers, in its place was a soft haze, warming you while its sunburst pendants glowed with subtle colors once lost, reflecting the sun.
       Thursday,Robert and I finished up the rest. He was a lot of help and with his dry sense of wit a real pleasure, to work with, Joking and messing around while maintaining a good work ethic, rinsing the floor and moving everything around. Though we both forgot to take pictures before we moved everything, hehe.
        I have to confess that the management from the Boardwalk were really nice to me, while they  wanted their expectations met, they were not hesitant in informing me I did a good job,and  when they had any questions, were not hesitant to ask me directly, instead of being wishy washy.The whole time I was there everyone, was really nice, helpful and made me feel a part of, rather then as a contracter working for them. One lady even made me a cup of coffee, on her own. Gotta love it.
        Saturday night I did a convienet store i had done before, he had planned to remodel the store, unfortunately it took longer then he expected for everything to get approved. He decided to remodel after the summer so I lucked out on that. Then I was gonna do a beauty salon but the owner went to Orlando for the w/e, so that will get done tomorrow. On thursday The Old fashioned Floor Store called me to do a clean up for them,which I looked at today and will do friday. Today i also recieved a call from a doctors office about doing their floor, off a reccomendation from one of the ladies at the Boardwalk,loving it I am.hehehe.
        I wont get paid form the Boardwalk till friday but when I do the bills will all get paid plus some,hehehe.Now if I can only figure out a way to get tickets to the Jazz festival I would be escatic,oh yes oh yes.
        My life, financally,things are looking up, for which I am greatful, but the rest is unraveling. I dont know, well thats not true,what I am gonna do, just thinking of it and doing it are 2 different things.The wife is happy she has her car back, and her freedom. I dont know why she tells me she is gonna do one thing,while we know she is doing something else. Life is funny, sometimes it takes a slap in the face, mine I guess.She told me she was going to play bingo, got herself all dolled up, and then i happened to see her driving her car, with a companion, busted. You know people forget how small this place is,or how people like to gossip.I have to concede it was not easy seeing that, i had been looking in the parking lots for the bowling alleys,well i did twice,then I said stop acting like a fool, so i stopped and  proceeded to drive straight to work. Bam, two lights up there is her car and her friend, that shit tore me up, but what are you to do.I have to do what is right by me,not others, and  I am not gonna do something stupid. Friday, i offered to take her to her favorit reataraunt but she told me she had to help her friend,life can be a bitchhhhhhhhhh. So Saturday,before work I stopped at my brothers, man he can talk,hehe, and after awhile unloaded on him a little and went to work. Felt a little better after that and  when i saw the wife asked her about bingo and she stated she never went,well at least she was honest about that.
       Life, well I love it,things happen, that is just the way it works, but its those precious moments of joy that make it all worthwhile,sometimes I cry,not always in pain, but the beauty that I have discovered in living,the pain of heartbreak exists,but more overpowering is that beauty of falling in love,the love that seeks to explode your world with its joy,here i have cried too.I have been blesssed by the people who compromise my world,for they have given me joy to enrichen my world.
      Last,but not least, I have not started my song but i will, hmmmmmmm, maybe I am getting all this work so I dont torture anyones ears,hehehe, loving it.              

the title for my new song and Pepsi Spring jam

       I guess its time,I am going to write one, it has been years and ughhhh,hope I still can do it, its been a long time since I have wrote poetry or lyrics, but the other night, I made a statement, and it hit so hard,so true and is a core to what I believe I can not help but wonder why it has not been said before or at least to my knowledge. The thing we do for love, are amazing, the fact that we do these things willingly, without even a thought of the cost to ourselves, in the journey of taking care of those we love, is one of the beauties in being human. Sacrifice, done without a thought of it being a sacrifice, the fact that there is a quality in the time spent together, that does not require quantity in the time. Guess it is time to take my Ovation  out and give it a new set of strings, then work on learning how to play again,hehehe.This is gonna hurt,Lordy,the damage to my ears, the impatience of what I once took for granted must start anew, my fingers, Ouch.  Too much work,ughhhhhhh. Well we shall see.
      Went to the Pepsi Spring jam, and that was an eye opener for me, first of all I really did not have the money, 100 bucks, second of all I abhor country music and last but not least, sometimes i get tired of doing things by myself. Of course if I put myself out there more, I probably could find someone to go, maybe. Being true to yourself, being shy, and feeling different from everyone, it is not all its cracked up to be, sometimes I wish I was like everyone else and then I could fit right in with everyone. Enough of the sob story,hehe, all right lets get crackin here, I actually had a great time. First of all I loved the way it was scheduled,Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, the only thing that was not popular with me and others was the 11 pm shut down.Even the groups thought that was too early. I was actually surprised that I knew some of the songs, well bits and pieces, there were about 4 or 5 groups every night, with the headliner for each night finishing the show. Shows during the day were surrounded with warm fragments of wind, heightened with springs colorful sunshine, a reflection of the spirit of the cheerful crowd, basking in the double hitter of music and music that got progressively better as the the cool evening night lowered upon us. It got cold, into the 50s, a moist slithering cold that worked its way from the ground into your shoes and then encompassed your clothes, making you shiver. At least it attempted to,by now, the better groups are coming out, feet are breaking free of the cold earth,sliding, lifting themselves in a celebration of the mass communication of life's celebration, led by the musicians,sparking the crowds loss of inhibition,generating a warmth throughout the crowd defeating the cold. Voices lifted aloud even if hesitant and unsure, humanity sharing its praise, drifting upwards to the universe, a melting pot where human individuals, became more, melted into one. Simply glorious, where the musicians are the priests, the field the temple, and all sharing in the beauty of the moment as one. Defeating Mother Natures attempt to subdue our joy.
      A concert,for me is not only about the music, it is also an experience that is formed by the people ,those of the crowd, and the individuals you share the experience with. Uh oh used the same word twice in one sentence,bad boy, hehe. I can recall concerts of my past,from free concerts where we would all donate some change or a buck, and someone would run out to buy fruit that was shared through out the crowd, to going to concerts in the Boston Commons, with artist like Cyndi Lauper or Stevie Nicks, dead broke just enough money to pay for the mbta, and sitting or lying on the grass outside the  fence with hundreds more just enjoying the moment. While none of us were inside we all shared in the beauty of the moment,and it is those moments we aspire to remember. While we may or may not remember the individual group or person we usually recall the time spent, and when we do recall the musician it is not necessarily why we buy their music in the future but in an effort to recapture the joy of that moment.Ok. For me anyway,hehehe.
     I went in alone all 3 nights and was fortunate in that i spent my time on those nights with  some families from Michigan, who made my nights memorable in the gift of their companionship. The first and third night, I shared with a family whose last name was Bible,one of the few I will never forget,hehe. They also had with them, a friend named Windy and her children. I got a kick out of watching the children play, horsing around and constantly asking their father for this or that. The  wife and her girlfriend were dancing, enjoying themselves while all were still keeping an eye on the kids, the husband ,damn I wish i could remember names, was enjoying the hell out of it hooting,hollering and just having a good old time,while still being attentive to the kids and his wife. On top of that they made feel a part of , taking the time to teach me a little bit about each group, i swear they could have written a chapter on every group, then pointing out the songs the groups were famous for. All this and what i really thought was the greatest thing, you could see the affection, love they had for one another. To be allowed to share in their world, a beautiful time was forever engraven on my mind. I talked at length with their friend Windy, and felt kinda bad that her husband chose not to share the wonder of that time with her, of course here I was speaking from experience and we could empathize with one another a little. The first night we just happened to be sitting close together and because we were one of the few to start dancing early gravitated toward each other just talking, they made my night the 3rd night by telling me they had looked for me , and made it clear that it was ok to join up with them. SO COOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!  See it is the people,that make it what it is,purrrrrrrrrrr. Oh, and their sons birthday was at twelve the last night, I am sure he had a good one, even if he had to insist on it,hehehe, pretty cool dude. Oh, yeah,one of the girls liked to read, I brought my reader to read in between sets, which turned out to be unnecessary, hehe, but I could relate, and thought it was cool.
       The second night, a guy said it looked like i was having fun to which I replied yes, even if i did not care too much for country music, which got us talking,hehe. turned out him and his family were also from Michigan, I now know this is spring break for the kids up there,hehe. We kinda hung out together for awhile,just talking , evidently his father owns a liquor store and they supplied different concerts in his are,we talked about a  concert they did featuring EDM,electronic dance music, and also a biker rally their town had. though we did split up after a little bit, we still were within hailing distance,in addition toward the end of the show they explained they were leaving on Saturday,so were kind enough to give me a couple of wristbands that i could share with a friend or family.
       What else can you ask for, met some good people, was introduced to a different form of country,then I was expecting, and even learned a little more about music.Oh by the way,yes I asked if they had heard of Natalie Stovall,and while the Mr. Bible knew of her, his wife did not,and so i shared her with her,hehe,so the teacher learned from the pupil, sooooo funny. See, amid the drab day to day existence of living, beautiful times like this mark  those moments where life is so damn good.
       On Friday the county finally paid me,my bills are temporarily so screwed up,life i guess. The wife's car did come out of the shop, I feel for her not having the freedom she is accustomed to,however she did have the truck or my van available to her,she simply did not want to use them. So she is happy now she fly again, I miss her, and I knew she would be gone again,I can only wish her the best, and let her fly.Someday,maybe someway, my time will come, until then I will not stand in her way, for what good is something if it comes not freely but only through shackles of the mind. It is not what I would wish, but it is what it is,and to be true to what I believe, fly I say and soar with the stars.      

the death of spring break in panama city beach

       Waaaaaaaaaaaah, spring break died. I witnessed the death of one of my favorite times of the year,last week. First, Spinaker beach club, laid off 80 or more people,and closed on the weekend with 2 weeks left,La Vela ,last w/e was dead and when I called to see who was playing band wise, this week, no answer for no band even in rock arena.It was a truly sad, sad, day, with the kicker being,this w/e I saw more people at walmart, there was even stop and go traffic for the first time all spring break and it looked as if parking lots at hotels and such were finally filling up. Cant believe I am home tonight but after seeing the empty parking lot at La vela and rope across spinnaker lot, I guess that killed my spirit,to a certain degree.The only thing I kept thinking was if they had only stayed open one or two more weeks, they could have recouped some of their losses.I am not even going to get into my thoughts about,the cost of new policies here, with the exception that i thought it was humorous when I read p.c.b. stated they hoped to make up revenues in coming months, what about the people who either could not get a job,due to low bed count, the people who got laid off, the economic disruption and the affect on our populous who have depende on spring breaks revenue. I guess that it is ok,to the big bussiness of bay county and panama city beach,that these people could not generate enough income to pay their bills, got evicted,or could not feed their families. Oh and lets not forget that during this period of new rules that were supposed to help bring more order,they made more felony arrests then last year, if that does not make a statement, what will.
       Pepsi Spring Jam is next weekend, hopefully I will be going, it is like 80 bucks for a 3 day pass, which i am sure will be worth it. It is kinda funny to me, I really dont care that much for country music, with the exception of Natalie Stovall, but what the hell it should be a good time and there has to be somebody that will make me want to dance,hehe.Bettter than sitting around doing nada. So hopefully there will be some videos and a good story to tell.
        Depressing myself, sooooooo, I watched E.T. today,first time since it first came out, what a wonderous trip into the past, I laughed and at the end I cried, it has always been the movie in my opinion that made the human race more open to the possibilty of intervention,between us and an alien species.What a good time,and e.t. simply adorable, loved the way his neck stretched and how it stayed down most of the time he was around the kids to keep from frightening them.
        I got a nice surprise when I went to work on thursday,they found a buffer when doing some cleaning at the Piggly Wiggly Express, where i do the floors, and the owner gave the buffer to me for free, knowing I could not afford to buy it,hehe.Works good too,loving it and his kindness.
         Welllll, I guess that all for now,lot of things I want to talk about but want to be in a better mood hehe,until laterrrr.