the shed

im backk,lo i scare myself sometimes,just so you know.ok,where do i start,that seems to be the question,90 percent of the time,so many thoughts flitting around, sometimes i wish i would use my little recorder just to try to keep up with myself,hahahaha.mainly because,i think so much about different things,they flit through my mind, like the snap of clothes drying in a strong wind ,and just as you wonder,figure out where that sound came from,the thought is gone till next time.duhhhhh,if i only had a mind,hehe.cleaned out the shed today,its a ten by twenty and we are going into a ten by ten.at first, insurmountable,just too much,tires buffing pads,christmas decorations,file cabinets,and all precious memories,of times past,diving into yesteryear,fear of tender moments,being forced to reconcile with the reality of downsizing,that shifting of importance,to admit that the today must overcome the emotional,remember when,what,oh look i forgot all about that do you...............ah,life,sometimes i wonder,with a touch of fear,am i a hoarder,do i have to keep a physical manifestion of times past in order to retain a memory.i began,with a sense of loss,failure,responsible for the fact that i did not make enough to,just not have to worry about paying the rent.first mop buckets,some with frozen wheels,wringers that are broken,evidence of procrastination,was going to fix,never got to it.decided all trash on the left wall,fill van and keep making trips till i am done.overwhelmed,straight up.buffing pads,brown green red pink,and black,rainbow of the work and jobs i had done previously,there must have been at least a 100 or 200.some used to the point that they were almost as thin as thick pancakes,others with the dirt of stores from,sopchoppy,fl. to orange bch.,al,patiently lying there to be cleaned,reused in a dance,with the floor man.no bitterness,an awareness,i throw all away,tossing yesterday away.boxes,containing junk,what did i keep this for,others hiding small teasures,i thought i had lost,hidden in the shadowy bottom of a partially crushed box.a wheel,brand new,for my scrubber,a set of tools,in what i thought was an empty case,and other little things bringing sun into a dark task.ok ,tires,thats easy,no memories here,just cars that had seen there time,and scottys 1000.00 rims,the things we spend money on.oh well maybe i can sell the tires and scotty can use the money off his rims for his trip to orlando.that will help defray the cost of going to the dump,cause its beginning to look exspensive.the trash wall is looking impressive,ancient jugs of cleansers,have to empty those,awning,boxes empty and others full of what did i keep this for,trimmers for the yard,antiquated,you can buy one cheaper now then the cost of fixing these.an old air conditioner,to big for one person to move hidden under boxes and pads,the white now a dingy grey,i could have sworn,i took to the dump.whats left,our old bed frame,the magic of special memories.the last time my wife would tell me she liked an expensive item,for fear i would find some way to get it for her,just starting to make a little money,it cost 2000.00,no mattress,the movers and i had to bring it in through the 2nd story in order to bring it through the sliding glass doors,as there was no other way to get it in,hahaha.i will never forget the disbelief on her face when she found out,or the joy in my heart,giving her a gift she never expected.a small buffer,bought it brand new,worked for a little bit,but not to my expectations,but worth keeping,my big scrubbers,well used,old,but top of the line,and working.a smile for the batle i had to go through to get them back up after losing the tom thumb account,buying batteries,going to alabama,having to argue and convince them that i was serious,showing up at 5 am,determined not to leave without my machine.taking one more load to the new shed,its clean,fresh,the things i have kept look good,stored in their new home.i will finish tomorrow,i relock my old shed,and reflect on all those things i am taking to the dump,not so bad,a lot,that needs to go.treasures,neccessitys,they will all manage in my new space,it was time to clear some debris from yesterday,to make room for today and the promise of growth tomorrow.i feel good now,sometimes going through the mumble of what is,illuminates the beauty of things forgotten,helping to create a new road of adventures for tomorrow.imagine my smile,i am smiling,i made it,i turned it and its all good.welcome to my world,hahaha,plus they are now playing,its 5 oclock in the morning,purrr,my favorite song,what a way to finish,going to dance on another floor now,eat your heart out,hehehe,LOL,ME.