The joy of life,work, which i needed, got a couple of extra jobs,which were tough but gave me that feeling of damn i am good ,hehehe, helped some people out ,met some new people,and yes the joy of feeling the music and my body entwining in the dance.This is probably gonna be done in two parts,just started while i am waiting for some one to pick up some childrens which is another story.As it is not my story, all i can do is touch on the basics, a friend of the wifes got picked up for misdemeanor ,we watched the kids while waiting for someone to post bail.the kids were fun, but while i enjoy them donna worries tooo much,hehehehe, i just enjoy them being children.
I have so much to say, love typing it all for tomorrows memories, yet dread my awful typing skills,hehehe,ok,one thing that has been on my mind a lot is the statement ,the world is full of good intentions,which means people intend to do things, but, they don't.Forever and a day i have been intending to send an email to the new president of express lane ,about my dismissal and the events i have heard of with the new floor crew. It has been on my mind quite a bit so tomorrow i am going to do it, i have said it so i will do it,if just not to be upset with myself for not doing it. I have tried a few times to call him but no response.
Work, i am so weird, i love my job, it may be a dying thing but i cant stop the pleasure i deprive from it. It is kinda funny ,the more difficult the situation,the more of a challenge, the more i enjoy the battle,maybe not right then ,but conquering the situation,oh yeah thats what i am talking about. I know i should be traveling in a new direction ,my love for what i do, my desire to be the best in my field and sadly my fear of not being the best in another direction all combine to hinder me.Its a situation where i am i being the ultimate responsibility, for self am going to have to deal with, and quickly.I thought of going to school for retraining however at my age, with a bachelors degree or certificate, the truth ,being one of being 58 ,who is going to hire me? Then i tell myself there are plenty of people younger then me starting new ventures, so just try to build my company back up.
My equipment is breaking down, it has served me well, but it breaks down and then i have to repair it and the charges take a nice bite out of my resources,duhhhhh,like a circle round and round. I have to laugh, it might be easier to get a job,though pay probably would not cover expenses, and admit i failed . the bullet is so hard to bite,and involves so many different aspects of my beliefs, i feel i would not be the same person. I realize i have changed due to the situations with kroger and express lane. I hope that i have grown but to throw it all aside, i feel as i have admitted defeat, that i have been beaten, and worse my beliefs are invalid, that scares me, down to the foundations of my core.
I get so serious and then i find myself laughing, life is good, situations arise, and we fight the fight. The young lady,just came to pick up her children and that situation worked out, and i am going out to dance,hehehehe,stop laughing last night a young man told me he was glad to see i was still at it and he was serious, i think it gives them hope that while we do get older we can still enjoy life,or so i have been told, besides i think they see my love for the dance, which tells them there is still passion in life as you get older.
Sweat runs down my arms,back and chest,soaking my shirt,while cold air from the air conditioner blows and freezes me,smiling, i type this with thoughts of the club tonight.Prancing on my feet,celebrating the music moving inside of me,my cup overflowing,no desire to cease the drink,its nectar freeing my body of its inhiitations and limitations,freed, of normal human worry,transposed into a celebration of joy. Quite simply i danced. It was not as simple as it may seem,hehehe, first there is like no desire, i just stand there listening to the band till they finish their set,wondering all the while if i have lost my ability to feel the music,which is scary to me.Suddenly the d.j. starts playing a song with a strong rhythm and my soul begins to quicken, a smile starts to find its way onto my face as i begin to fill with the sound, stirring my body into a sensation akin to making love with the music,now it begins,fear of laughter, or being ridiculed ,swept away by the magical sensation of the moment,We blend together, caressed, subjected, surrendering, to a feeling of pure emotion ,erasing all thought, with a primal ,instinctive, celebration of being alive, I am alive,the ethereal beauty, is as indescribable, as love for another,especially when only moments before i had thought i lost a gift as precious as life, an ability to hear the underlying song the music sings to me.
Life,without this, for me would be similar to living after the knowledge of loving , with another, then to have them disappear in totality from your life. So grateful, am i, that i am, fortunate enough to be the bearer of this gift.All the things that happen,fears and insecurities, are worth the joy of the dance, to feel music in my fashion, makes all those things a small price to pay upon its arrival.
I saw some people,i know, they came up and said hi, which was nice, but knowing me moved on as they knew the music was moving me.Oh, that reminds me, some woman went up to the band last night in between sets, and people were kindas going, gaga, strange word but it works, turns out it was lisa lipps of porno fame, but honestly i was not that impressed when i first saw her or later when i found out,hehehe.
Well thats all for now, the name of the band was the flamethrowers and they were ok,even if they don't play my style of music, there was a larger crowd, but i do believe i will be checking out la velas a little more, goodnight,lots of love,and keep those dancing shoes on.
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