The question here is where do i begin,my mind travels in so many directions,encompassing all directions, all thoughts exploding with the importance of the big bang to dart into another direction ,another big bang,eventually dwindling to where did i start, and what was the beginning point of this thought. Hehehehe, lost in my own mind, laughter erupting at the attempted ordering of a fragmented thought or thoughts. As an explorer would say,push on,and see what delights or fears we shall encounter.So let it begin.
Continuing in the journey of the last six months, lets begin with my meeting with Rep. Patronis, which i had as his aide reminded me waited 2 years for. Not his bad but mine, i had almost given up on being able to do anything about the kroger situation without money, however the more people who i talked too, the greater the thought by them that he could be the one to bridge the gap, between kroger and myself. I had to waut as he was occupied with another situation and during that time, his aide was kind enough to spend some time with me ,listening to my tale of woe,hehehe, and pointing out key points,for which i was grateful. When we actually sat together too talk, i found him to be a personable type, well suited in that manner for public affairs. Which i will confess also makes me feel , he might erroneously think, to be pleasant and let it go, which is not going to happen.As i told his aide, irregardless of the consequences, i will post the entire story on the internet and between my gaming friends and the social network i have , it will definately go viral especially if i resource the news industry. Ok, back to the meet, he asked what i wanted and why the sexual harassment was so important to me, to which i replied, a district attorney , a lie detector test, and a meeting with Mr. Dillon, and that the sexual harassment was important because it is a legal base. He was kind enough to explain he would be tied up for awhile and give the matter some thought,getting back to me in a month or so. So, we shall see what will be . Enough on that.
A pleasant surprise for me, i just discovered, they made a movie of a book i enjoyed, The Girl Who Played With Fire, it is part of the trilogy of the,Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, which i could not stop reading once i started. Though sub titled its still enjoyable.It was one of the few new books i wanted to have a signed first edition of,which led me to the sad discovery of the authors death before publication,alas, a literary loss for many of us.
Now,lets see what results come forward as i gently try to recall more momentous or poignant memories of the last few months.Lets start with family, a great rift, maybe of my own mind has begun healing,i am a person who for better or worse, relies on his own thoughts and feelings. i was dismayed, hurt ,bewildered, by what i perceived as a lack of support from my family over the kroger situation and the resulting financial blow. Things are getting better, the wife feels i was jealous of others good fortune, which to me is not true, it was quite simply the absence of any offer to help, which we have always done any time we found some one was in need or distress.Now we are getting along better, or rather i am making myself more available, as i isolated myself, to prevent any more feelings of either imagined or real hurt. Besides who can resist the beauty of their grandchildren, the joy of watching those you once had to support, overcome lifes trials to reign in victory their journey in life.So thats a good thing.
Reading, one of my loves, how sweet it is to journey on paths, opening your mind,enriching the virgin thoughts to places previously unknown, A chalice for my minds imagination, the e reader my wife gave me,Smashwords one of the e reader publicist, has bestowed on me the chance to read at no charge and discover works by authors i would have never met any other way.What a fantastic ride, i read a new book almost twice a week, have discovered some great authors,and if my mind was not such a sieve would be awaiting their next book with rapturous hunger. Woe, my mind flitters, like the butterfly from one book to the next,devouring, yet only particles remain, like crumbs at the dinner table,a reminder of the fabulous feast that had existed.
My body,ughhhhhh, all this disparity, lack of self esteem, its like i want to punish myself, of course the lack of work which helped keep me in shape has not helped either.So out of shape,this really bothers me, i get depressed and binge. So often i have heard of others in this predicament never envisioning myself there. I feel as if i am on a path to self destruction, to others its not that apparent, to me its humongous, all a part of my own self image.Yes, i lie to myself,gonna join a gym, run, all the usual, but the truth shows in my belly, so sad, hopefully i will take action soon.
My yard, here i lose myself in enjoyment, and it offers me the ability to state i am working on my gut,hehehehe.I cant believe how much i like piddling in my yard, part of it, no denial, is to throw it in my neighbor's face for trying to ostracize me through the use of their fences, thats just a side shoot though. I really like seeing the changes that are so evident,hehehehe, similar to doing floors. Aways after that instant gratification i am. Currently i am working on building a fenced in area to hide the trash cans, and other items that could possibly, hehehe, be construed as eyesores.One good thing about it is that it is a never ending affair, being on a tight budget i always have another idea by the time i have more money. I will confess that when i started i said one thing at a time, currently i have 4 projects,hahaha. While i have gotten better at managing my money, the same can not be said of managing my workload, seems like one thing leads to another.
Basically, even with my flaws i am beginning to like myself again, till next time anyway.Worry, for a guy who refused to do much of it before, now it is a continuous process. Fear, something i was unfamiliar with,is now a constant companion,and worry, well i guess i am growing up, its there everyday, i am human, nor am i invincible, I am making it though, just like everyone else, and you know what, i still enjoy roller coasters.
good night, i am going to finish watching my movie and give a shout out on facebook,later all, enjoy the ride,and don't be ashamed to be afraid, it is part of the thrill,love ya.
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