There are times when i would like to be able to lie on my blog, then i would not have to concern myself with what i say. I know that when i am having a rough time, depressed or anxious, i will sometimes wish to record it but don't for who knows who will read this, and my name is on it. Being the owner of a small business, i do moderate to some extent some of what i say. Why , don't i keep a diary, or some other form to log those things? To do so would , tend to make this blog a fallacy, in my eyes, this way, though i do restrain myself, i also ensure i make mention, however fleeting of all things, in order to remain honest with myself.
The day after my last post, i awoke in a slightly depressed state, which continued to worsen ,even when there was good news or things occurred that should have put a better spin in my darkening thoughts.I found myself in a funk , there was a meaningless to my battles with Kroger, Express Lane, and worse, a belief that my beliefs were false. Borne of too many books read, a false sense of what is right, and a piece of humble pie, when considering the odds. I love life, enjoy even the smallest things, and i do get scared when these moments arise. Suicidal, not me ,but the thoughts do arise, and then as justification, i think of how David Dillon,C.E.O. of Kroger , Bob President of Express Lane, or Mark Schoffer, would feel knowing it was a direct action of their inability to see the truth. Whoa, then i realize it would mean nothing to them, I am simply just another person, a vendor who used to work for them. See, the truth really is that simple, It is a world of big business, and people,individuals, are only of import, in the moment, and my moment has passed.
Kandi Baisch, out of idle curiosity,which killed the cat,hehehe, i looked up, on the web, to find it appears she has been promoted to operations. I was happy for her, and also pissed that she was paid no price for contributing to my demise. It made feel less then, especially when i had never intended to cause any problems between her and Kroger. .Initially i even tried to communicate that to her, till she pulled the stunt of meeting with big Knox, hiring him , knowing he was working for me.Ah, hell time to get off this subject before i depress myself,hehehe.
Scottys birthday was today and i have to admit, his sisters made me proud, they all got together for him and drove down to wish him a happy b-day. Christine made him a cake and they all showed him how special he is to them. Pretty good day all told and they gave me a sense of pride in the fact i, in a small way ,helped to shape these wonderful people into who they are.
Saturday,yes i am going backwards,hehehe, was not too bad ,i was dead broke no money,for cigs,gas, i even had to borrow some money from Donna, just to keep the place running. I did get a small check in the mail which i was ohhh, ever so grateful for. I have truly learned to appreciate a buck a lot more.This is gonna sound crazy for sure. I just got up to check the dryer, doing Donnas uniform, and i FOUND 10 DOLLARS, in the dryer. No, i was washing some of my pants too, so it could be mine,hehehe, i will split with her in the morning so i don't feel guilty. Now where was i? Ok, when i went to the store next door ,nick asked if i would clean up a small reset for him,so i told him no problem.His brother Sam was also there, i used to do his floors until he started lying to me, after which i told him to use someone else. He approached me and asked if i would reconsider working with him,I know i need the money, but it did leave a bad taste in my mouth. I think what i am going to do is type a proposal amenable to us both with a contract in reference to frequency of service and what day the work will be done if not upheld then ,it will be a case for the small claims court. That way we are both covered. I do need the work.
Friday, now i have to think damn it,hehehe. before i for get i did got to Spinnakers saturday night, it was not too bad. I ran into an old friend of the families, Tammy, whose kids used to play with the girls when they were younger. She has decided to move out of state, N. Carolina i believe ,and try to restart her life,plus thats where her family is from. Her sister, whom i had met before, was a little buzzed and frivolous, but it was ok, I believe Tammy told her i was a bit of a loner in the clubs and that i don't dance with anyone, self excluded of course,hehehe. Friday, now i am beginning to remember, I picked my buffer up, had to borrow some money for that. No,that may have been the day before, i did get a call about a possible contract on the naval base though, kinda freaked me, and have been trying to figure out how they got my info all w/e, all good though.Tomorrow, i will go by and see whats up. Joey, from All American Carpet, came by and we talked for about an hour,business, improving my business,and life in general. He was kind enough to compliment me on work i had done in the yard and we discussed doing some work together in the future. I told him about doing cold calls , how they scared me, but with no website,etc., it was my only option so i wa trying.. I stayed home that night after contemplating going out , ifigured i had better keep what money i had left for smokes,hehehe.
Thursday, was great, i had made a deal with my mothers foot doctor,or rather he did, to swap service for service.I started on his foyer which was grout and man i impressed even little ole me, that floor looked so much better, even i was impressed.I spent like 5 hours there and it felt so good working , i was overjoyed, well, i guess thats it. I have been spending more time with my mother ,so thats good and we seem to be getting along, its funny sometimes,I look at her ,feel sympathetic for her situation, and realize, i also spend time with her, because i hope someone would do the same for me. Funny, and selfish i fear,maybe i will get better with time, i hope anyways, hehehe. Not perfect, just better. Thats what i believe we will call a wrap, until next time, take care, remember the bad times are so we appreciate the good times more,love ya,me
No comments:
Post a Comment