Its too darn cold

    Monday,weekend is gone,stock market down,the weather is freezing,a long lost friend who wrote me off,my bad,found me on facebook and with all that,life is good,hehe,I am never gonna get rich,darn it.I am laughing, wondering where the hell this is gonna end up, I truly have no idea.Small whisps of ideas keep circling around this grey matter,seeking a place to rest,and puff another thought explodes preventing any settlement for a primary thought. I have to keep going back and changing i to I,which is a pain, but politically correct,in the english language,plus it lets me say something without saying anything,while I try to figure out what to say,hehe.
    Market keeps going downnnnnnnnnn.Hehehe,did I mention Natalie Stovall,looked ravishing the other night.She was wearing a tiarra,for her show,and looked like a beautiful,fairy queen in full size,her eyes amaze me with their intensity.Last nights show was actually one of her better ones in my opinion.First ,it was about 46 degrees out,froze my butt off. Awhile back, last year or the year before, I left one of her shows due to the cold,and being silly me, felt guilty about it ever since. Here is this wonderous creature,putting her best foot forward, to entertain,and I whimped out and left,while she stayed and performed. Well, I stayed the course last night, at least for her show,and then for a few more songs from the other band. Gawddddddd, I was wearing leather shoes and my feet were frozen solid, hehehe,oh what a man I am,hahahaha.She was outstanding though,due to the weather there were very few,people in attendance. She thrived on it,I have no idea where here head was at, but when a group is first starting before they become popular and your performance is from the heart,I believe thats where last nights show came from. She even looked at me while she sang, in all honesty she probably looked at everyone there were so few, however for myself, it was the first time I did not feel as if she was avoiding me, since that magical night when we conversed and she said we were gonna dance together.
    Here is a funny,before the show, a member of GTA,came up to me and stated that he had decided to spend a week here and check it out. Upon seeing me he wanted to convey his and the groups thanks, due to the fact that I never hesitate to dance and show my appreciation of the fact they are playing. Sometimes they feel as if I get the party started, which was rather nice of him. We also talked about how a band can play the same song a number of times and it will never be the same twice, which then brought about the topic of the movie August Rush,where everything depicts another note or medly,no two the same. When I dance to the music of a live group it is these subtle differences, which I celebrate along with the fith note, that teasing often unheard note of musical celebration which makes my feet their own master and my body a visual celebration of the musical current flowing through me. It is funny,after hearing Natalie, I have noticed that i have to listen to a mix by tha dj,s before i can get myself back into dancing with another band, and i believe i have figured out the why now,hehehe.It is not because they appear drab after her,though they do ,hehehe,boys will be boys. When Natalie plays, musically,my senses are awakened to a higher sense of sensitivity, my senses retreating their shields,in the forceful true eruption of a playful communication of humanities feelings of life. Afterwards, the music of the dj, serves to balance, a field of music,where i can revert back to normal,attuned with the music per say, a place where I can come back from the the heavens ,touch earth and then when the next group plays,i am content with just going to the clouds, a good place ,while I miss the splendor of having danced with the stars.Now here I am proud,roaring with pleasure,for the words I wrote match so closely what I feel, and just to be a wiseguy,I am seeing Natalie in my mind with her eyes conveying a sensual ,well done,hehehehe.      I guess that came from inside for it was not there when I started that paragraph, lordy hehe, so back we go to pick it up,and no I am not gonna go back and change the I s in that last paragraph it can rest on its laurels as is.Ok., so the sound tech from Natalies band comes over afterwards,and we start talking. He described to me how he got the job, by taking a chance, by not being afraid to make his stand, and I told him, how the fact he got his dream,made my day. I took a chance, in talking to Natalie, and thaen in asking her to dance.While I have put her on a platform musically I have never lost sight of the fact she is a person , no different then anyone else. Therefore,she could with little thought rip me up, in oh so many ways,hehehe. In asking her to dance I set Myself up for rejection, even if unintended, and honestly who likes that, then of course with my mind,oh wellllll,Yes, I would do it again,for with the journey never taken,treasures are never found. I am so crazyyyyyyyyyy, I have never, for reasons unknown to me, ever taken the smart road, especially when it comes to a woman, i creat more problems for myself , simply  put I have never been logical, instead, all logic seems to get washed away, while I sit to the side and watch myself headed for disaster. I am such a fool, and nothing seems to work, maybe This will end my foolish ways.Hahahaha, as i wrote that, my mind is telling me then i would lose who I am and that I would hate to see, so I guess the pain is  apart of my journey.
     Last night when the sound tech and I were talking, he asked if I talked with Natalie and told him,not often. It is not that she does not make herself available publicly, she often makes herself available to the public if they want to talk with herr, and I could go over and I am sure she would talk to me. Strange I am, I want in some way to be special, hehehe, Who am I fooling, not me for sure, I think it has to do with our last conversation, I conveyed myself fairly well, and .At a loss of how to put this,but here goes nothing. She is surrounded by admirers,of all sorts, Even though I do admire her, I would not want to be one who feeds off her, not doing to good at this. People are attracted to her for a myriad of reasons, I from our first conversation just plain enjoy her, even though I know her not.Wierd i am,but I mean it,It is the person she is that I seek to know,and feel for. I do not want to be seen as a fan, or one who simply lusts for her beauty. Nor do i wish to be seen in that light. It is amazing, is it not, that when we let our defenses down, others may see it as normal behaviour, as it would be if I were the norm,hehehe, however if she fails to percieve what i have offered or understood what i was attempting to convey, then, perhaps it would be for the best,that i keep my distance. For in no way would i encroach on her without invitation, as I am sure she has endured enough of that.
      I am amazed at the way my mind wonders about,this is what happens when i have no plans,hehe,well i have to drop off an invoice.I pressure sprayed the sidewalks in front of the library on saturday,and sunday.That was actually fun,the weather was awesome the only thing missing was music, I really need to get a portable radio or an I tunes or something to listen to.I stayed home saturday night chilling, just watching t.v..Breaking news,Apple is releasing new phone , I know, but its offical now.Still no price.Stocks are still on downward swing though.i will conced that last week, was one of the worst I have experienced in awhile,and it is not getting any better,but faith i have,hehe.One of them is at least showing some life,and finally hit the pps I bought at.Yes, I am going out again tonight, last night for Natalie and Triggerproof will be playing,maybe I will post some videos.
       Deborah Buckley,a friend who was a true friend, that I screwed up.It has been years since we last talked,and I recieved a friend request from her,on facebook. If anyone knows me it is this woman,hehe,and she is one of the few to have seen me through all my ups and downs,my roller coaster of a life. Like a rock she was always there until I screwed it up,tried to find her, but never had any luck,now i discovered she lives in Canada,duhhhh.When i tell her of the twists and turns of my life since her dissapearance, I am sure she will have me laughing as she asks if I am ever gonna learn. I cant wait to talk to her and am sure she will be doing well,and on that note, i am gonna leave to get this house cleaned up. It is hell sleeping on the couch and then waking up to a messy kitchen and living room, oh well, my choice,no regret,sorrow yes, but true to what i thought was right.