Really, I thought of that today, but in what context i have no idea,hehehe. Like a dust mote flashing in the haze of a flickering flash of sunlight, it appeared and was gone. It flashed and now like an object, you intend to through in the trash, but just keep moving about, the thought wont leave my mind.The wife lost her job,unfortunately, and work I had been counting upon fell through. Now i am concerned over my contract with Origin condominiums, and , whats worse, my lack of desire to go out.Money, well thats life, i mean we do need it to survive, but the lack of desire, to dance, that scares me. Frustrated, upset, my gaming gone to hell, oh I so want to scream, it wont do any good, so why do it. Placid ,too much so, i feel sometimes. Energy, i have in abundance, yet as much as I get upset, i do not allow myself to explode, or act out of character. I may have stifled my emotions for so long, I am no longer capable of feeling. Is it possible that my shell has grown inwards, surrounding my emotions to the point of non feeling? A diminished point, perhaps, which allows me to exist without risk?
So, whats upppppp, enough, time to recall some good things that have occurred,hehehe.I got an unexpected job yesterday which made 200 dollars, a friend from the past, Justin ,recommended me to this guy, and he had vct in the garage. It was fun, i was able to enjoy the sunshine, do the work, and as the owner said " I wish i had taken a picture of the before and after.", oh yeah good ,love doing my floors and the more difficult the better,hehehe. Now he doesn't want to put anything inside, loving it I am. Evidently, his wife is a bigwig in something also, if that sounds evasive, it was nowhere near as evasive as he was about his wife's job, which I will confess, has made me curious. I will find out though,hehehehe.
Oh, no!!!!!! No music on, duhhhhhhhh, at home alone and not even listening, how sad, hold on brb,hehehe. Awesome,first song is I Think I Would Have a Heart Attack,blistering way to start my jam on. Talking about, reality shows> The thought came up ,watching MTV, Big Brother flashed ,so here we go. How about unreality shows, yes, i know, it is like watching people in a fishbowl, they are all aware of the cameras though and I believe they do act in relationship, with the cameras.It would be different if there was no knowledge of the filming but every reality show is staged, i mean can you imagine the difference if they were not aware of them. Now that would surely be more boring, but when there were popping events , I assure you they would be popping . The question now is ,are we in such need of excitement we have to have drame, through others, in order to make it worthwhile to watch these shows. If this is the case then we are in trouble, believe me i can find plenty of drama just going on my game, and in my life, there is enough there to appreciate a moment like this. Happy I am just typing ,listening to my music and trying to figure out where my head is,hehehe.
Work, I believe I may be developing laziness, not a trait to be proud of. To go on, the work I was supposed to do last month will actually be occurring this month, thankfully. Pizza place called to affirm work on their floors and county states we should be doing something this month. Bad boy , Marino, still has not typed out a sheet of references, and a little insert about the business , so he can go out and hustle some work. Now that i put it here, I will hopefully get it done. Silly, it may seem, i have found that I do not like looking at the blog and having something here that makes me feel as if i quit. Silly,silly me,hehehe. I have not messed with the pond too much, pissed cause it wont clar, at the same time, i know switching one of the outlets may help. Now I have taken care of it, simply because i was cleaning out the weeds and did not want to face the fact that i was too lazy to at least switch out the hoses. Ah woe is me ,hehehehe
The other day, Madison had to stay with us, due to her having a bad case of blemishes on her face and all. I truly enjoyed the time we spent together, and it also opened my eyes a little. It has beem months since i have done any baking, partially due to my worry over gaining weight and also no one seemed to enjoy the food or rather appreciate it. Madison wanted to bake some brownies, at first i said no, eventually it happened. How can you say no, heheheh, we had a great time making them, unfortunately, they were hard as a rock,hehehe , but still the joy was great. Next she wants to clean , I have not cleaned up the house or have been doing the minimum to get by. Normally this is not me, I let her vacuum and started cleaning the rest of the house, it was amazing . She reminded me of the joy and i felt good about the house, in addition i came to realise, part of my problem is that i am lonely. Little Madison and I actually had a good time together, which is rare, in that, the things I enjoy doing , no one else do I have to share them with. Stagnancy ,can become a dangerous situation, leading to dis function of myself as a whole. Humans need fireworks of some sort, a stimulus that creates the need to go out of the box, one which stretches us to go further then the time before. This is what creates and defines us, any one can live life, I want to be alive in this life. I like the way I said that, hehehehe, so now i have to go walk my talk and do some gaming ,and improve it. Anyone who reads this, and likes first person shooters the game is Combat Arms and my handle is marinokv , iI am off now, loving the game , that we call life and yes it does get better. love to ya, me
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