Westcoastkillers

       I am joining a clan today,momentous event, in Combat Arms, called Westcoastkillers. It is run a guy called Greatfullded, we have known one another since my Xconz days.The clan has been around since Combat Arms started, and is one of the few that are well respected, in the game. It is an invitation only, and they have to know you awhile before even thinking of extending an invitation. I am honored , by the invitation and also sad, because my heart will never forget Xconz. I learned so much from my first clan, and our little community was well respected and feared,hehehehe. Unfortunately it only takes one bad apple to spoil the basket, which is what happened there, and alas our family is no more. To me as a gamer, my clan is all. I share the same things ,even more actually, as i do with my family. Here you are yourself, sharing those things you cant in the real world,problems,states of mind, and the little joys that come our way. Acceptance is based on the person you are in game, the greatest gift is here you can be you, no worries about looks,race, religion.
    Its funny, i used to have skill at this game and now i am terrible,hehehehe. In time i am sure i will improve, but at least they are basing the desire to be clanmates on me as a person. Clans, are family to an old timer like me, and not something to be taken lightly. In todays gaming , so many young people join a clan and have no idea of what type of relationship is possible. As a result they jump from clan to clan not taking time to bond with their clannies, and miss out on the possibilities. In  Xconz we not only talked about the game ,life, etc., we would help one another out, from help on a car, to buying things for clanmates who were in rough times or could not afford something.
   It has taken a long time for me to be able to take this step, there was so much damage from the aftermath of  Xconz disbanding, i think I felt as if i was going through a divorce, or taken away from my family. I may play the carefree type, but i hide the hurt, and it takes me time to overcome ,plus it is also putting yourself out there, no hiding as you have made a commitment, to your new found family. I just hope I have made the right decision, I fel like a groom the day before the wedding,hehehe. Fear, to possibly lose the opportunity of enjoying their companionship, and being a part of something that greater, for all its parts, that pushes also.One of the worst things in life, i believe is to ask yourself that question,what if?
   Life is good. I got some work, not a lot but it did help a lot,hehehe. I also,swallowed my pride and am going to do some work for somebody who upset me. This time my eyes are open and i am becoming more and more aware that people don't  necessarily think the same as i do. In addition I am going to apply for a job at the new General Dynamics office they are opening here for medicaid and such.Guess it is time to search other revenues of income, I can not seem to get my act together with getting contracts, in addition, I am afraid I will get a contract and something will go wrong again.It is a trust issue, one I never thought I would have.SAD!!!!!
   This is such a weird time,I actually wanted to spend a lot more time here today but have actually ran out of things to say in anticipation of going in game,hehehehe. Oh yeah, the other night i was watching t.v. and a movie called The Mob,was on, simply great dance movie, which i enjoyed very much.Until the next time,love ya,marino.