lets see

Christmas morning,a lovely day,so many thoughts crowding the busy hallways of my mind.remember whens,whats tomorrow hold,xmas for the future,and what of the people of my past.its quiet here,been reading,watching tv and all is a kind of semi peacefulness.Cooking a chicken,for something to do,been procrastinating about that for sure,good day to get it done.The little ones came over last night,it was everything you would hope for,presents being ripped up,smiles on everyone's faces,and in the middle of this whirlwind of joyous activity,a kind of quiet reflection of my life,taking me down paths,surprising me with the impact of their variety.I wonder,what turns my life will take in the future,will i look back and smile,what secrets does my future hold,only the gods know.Looking back,i see things ,i could have done differently,but its that way for all of us.regrets,not too many,my life has been good,happy with who i am,in general,though there are some things i would change,procrastination being key, acknowledging the fact that if i really wanted to change i could,just too damn lazy,i think.I wonder,do i settle for less,am i too easily content,what drives others to do the things i dream of,knowing i am as capable as,but more or less happy with what is.Does this make me less then,i don't know,i don't think so,but it does leave questions in my mind.when turbulence occurs in my life,the adrenaline flows and a rush goes through me,it is when i am at my best.Does this mean i am only good when my life is chaotic,or that i need that chaos to bring out the best in me.I truly have no idea,and probably never will,just another facet to me being me,i guess.I appreciate,my life and the good things ,for i have had the reality of the bad,at the same time i wonder,isnt there more?I tire of being alone,the best things or most important things in my life are those things of the heart.Am i wrong to hunger for the adrenaline,the rush of emotion,love.questions,am i acting as a child,unwilling to be content in the joy of what i have,its quiet serenity,unseductive in its peacefulness,lulling me to screw up,so i can kick myself in the butt in the future.Oh,well,its just random thoughts,meandering in my quiet times,gone later in the day never too surface.Quiet times can be the most dangerous,soothing and placid,hiding the tumultuous current waiting to sweep you off your feet as soon as you you think you have its measure.Thats part of my problem,the hunger for that rush,uncontent with the still,quiet waters of contentment,this is what gets me in trouble.It is a good day,that i know and so i will quietly take leave,enjoying the rest of my day.thoughts will crop up and more questions i am sure,but joy in the day and an appreciation for what i have,will be foremost in my heart.You know,life is not bad,hehhehe,so enjoy it ,we do not have forever,and tomorrow,well who knows what it may bring,loving you,me.