belated b-day

 I am listening to the movie the Beach Boys,its thundering outside,with very little rain,a manager who just gave me a job got fired,job is up in the air,and it is a good day to be alive.Have been wanting to make this post since yesterday,but had to do other posts first.
 Talk about a great week,not work wise,but people have been good to me this week.First i have been freaking out over the bills,quietly,scared to death,maybe i would not come through.then my wife sends,magically,800.00,covered the mortgage and freed up enough cash to pick up the rest of the bills.Scotty then gave me a belated b-day card with 100.00,in it.Talk about excitement,i dont know how long it has been since i had money to spend on myself. don't misunderstand i have had 5 or 10 bucks here and there,which is really all i need,it only costs me 5 bucks for 2 cokes at spinakers,if i have 2 so at least my nights out are still available,dance,dance,dance.100.00 damn it felt good,i had been dying for a new pair of shoes,only 13 bucks but you know how it goes.My shoes had some holes inthem,which did not bother me too much,but the soles were so thin,that when i dance,it killed me,but i could not stop,so by the time i got home,i had to soak them for awhile,hehehe.the music when it grabs you,wont let your feet stand still,hehehehe.So,i bought myself a new pair without feeling guilty.Lets see,what else did i buy,bought my wife some candy,got brownie and cake mix for me and scotty,some other groceries and played the lottery for my wife.then i went to Spinakers and danced,and had 3 cokes,hehehehe.What an awesome day,probably still have 10 bucks left for tonight,YEAHHHHH.How much better can it get,i guess lots,but you know,this was good enough for me.
  Spinakers was pretty good,the band was classic rock and roll,so not too much for dancing,but the dance room was good in between.Ran into some guys who work for Express Lane,they were complaining about the way the floors look,not blaming me but unhappy about the once a month deal.What can you do.It was a really good time,no worrying about the bills,just relaxing,hell i did not even dance a lot.Actually,it was funny because with new shoes though they were comfortable,damn soles felt too thick,guess i will have to work them out.hehehehehe,the things we have have to subject ourselves to.Life is good.Skid Row is playing at La Velas tonight,so depending on the cost i may go there.Its definitely a possibility,The music there just isnt all that good because the d.j. sucks,all that dance floor and there are more people standing on it drinking,then dancing.I dont know what the d.j. is thinking or feeling,maybe he is trying to to hard on the mixing because its too erratic for most to dance with the way he throughs the beat,i can do it but,i have too work at it,not just flow with it.They are losing customers too,i have seen this happen too often,a club forgets what drew the people,attempting to be something they are not.Customer base goes down,club goes.Sad too,because it is a great club,just getting too much hype and not being what they are capable of.Last night i noticed the d.j. at Spinaker was not playing his usual mix,seems Spinaker wants him to stop playing his mixes,but actually they are pretty good,now if La Vela would pick him up they would get back in business,but that's enough for now.
  Talk about freaking out,i lost this whole post!!!!!Thank god for history,would have never been able to put it all back together again.so i guess i am just gonna post this before i screw it up again,i am good at that,as you know,what you did not think i would have forgotten you,do you,hehehehe.Ok,thats it until next time,later.

art,beauty

Ok,another post on the same day,UNPRECEDENTED,hehehehe.just because i dont post does not,repeat, does not mean,i dont have a lot to say.IT IS NOT THE MONEY,BUT,THE ABILITY TO BUY THINGS OF BEAUTY TO ENJOY,wrote that while watching a movie that had rich people artwork,and a museum full of lovely objects of art.beauty,Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,and sometimes i wish i was rich just to surround myself in a world of what i consider pleasing to my senses,and yes you would be there.I believe that every one has thier own individual taste in what brings artistic pleasure to them.i have a couple of pieces that i cant wait to put in my room/office,a Mack,limited editions of Luongo,some water scenes,and an oriental piece.Most of my art work reflects my emotional love of love,that is not a misquote,i am simply put a romantic.other things, a wooden bowl which i bought because of its beautiful color and grain,my elfins,little statues of fairies and elves,bright,colorfull,with a soft patina,which transport me to the other world,of dreams,childhood journeys through fairy tales,mystical beings which remind me of how little we do know.Motorcyles,small,wooden,taking me back on the road,glimpsing roads,burning under my feet,throttle all the way out,midnight journeys,fused onto a beast,barely in control,screaming primaly,my love of the moment, exhilaration as the curve brings you closer to that edge.Art,be it music,a painting,the form of a melted piece of glass,strikes us from with in,not always in the manner the artist meant,but according to our own interpertation,our lives,the feelings invoked by our own individual experiences in life.Me,i guess my medium would be dance,the desire to express the feeling invoked by the music i am listening too.I love things that are construed as beautiful,to me,i do not have to have a college degree,or an artistic education to know what things stir my soul.Unfortunately,i do have champagne taste,hehe,while a beer budget,one of the great joys of living in Boston was quite simply the ability to go to all the galleries,shows and,and venues of art that are available for nothing,but the journeyMany times,i have held a piece of glass,gazed on a piece of artwork,and even though i cold never afford it,that simple moment of inter action,would make the trip worth while,the passion of discovery,that feeling of joy in discovering an item which evoked an emotional rainbow of beauty,well imay not have said it well,btu how do you describe,that moment when your senses state this is beutiful,its like trying to describe my love for you,an intangible,unmeasurable,force,with which,out, life would be so much less then.In life we may have to settle for less,i may never own an original,only be able to dream of designing a room full of beautiful glass work,i can always enjoy the thought.Isnt it funny how people of wealth will sometimes collect objects of beauty,just to store them hidden away,or buying something just to say they have it.Thats not to say some don't appreciate or enjoy it,for those that do,bravo,fill your life with as much beauty as you can,for all to often artistry goes unappreciated or hidden,from fear of ridicule.Art is an individual effort of communication,with others,not to dismiss combined efforts,plays musicals,etc.,and to often as a group,we fail to recognize it until the artist is gone.Sad is it not,that often times the ones who we do revere,first have to suffer our humiliation or dismissal of their artistic bent.ohj and by the way,i just got back from dancing,OH YEAH,my litlle endeavor at communication,hehehe,anyway thats why it might have todays date even though i started it yeaterday.I find it simply amazing the way art surrounds us ,often unnoticed,from the way a plate of food is presented,to the symentary  of a concrete power pole,it simply has to be noticed.I dont even know what i would buy if i had money,however the ability to purchase those things and surround myself with their beauty would make life's bad moments much easier to conquer.For to be surrrounded by such,reminds you of the artists attempts,not once,but trial after trial,to bring forth a thing of beauty,for our enjoyment,and the success,in our pleasure.People,a person,are good examples,because the beauty of a person may not be the outer,but the inner part,which came through facing lifes trials,and that is enough for now.see you later today,yes,i have more i wish to post,hehehehe.  

work-the real world

  Well,well i am back,its been on my mind to post but there have been situations which made me feel i should not at the time,plus i sometimes want to say too much.so whats been going on?The express lane stores went to once a month,talk about a shock!we almost lost the house due to insufficent money,that was scary but managed to pull it off somehow.honestly dont know about losing house but due to the decrease in money,was not sure about paying mortgage,but did make it.talk about being blindsided,two things of note here,one i had asked the operations manager not three weeks previous to be good enough to give me a heads up if there were going to be any changes in floor care,after tom thumb episode,it seems i am always nervous about work,two,it turns out jim made the decision,not mark,who would have thought.every time i see a problem and tell jim he says,take it to mark,then blam,he decides it s time for him to make one.No conference with me,no discussion,just going to once a month.this at the busiest time of the year,when stores are getting slammmed,not only has it affected me,the psychological and morale impact on store personnel was scary.People are wondering if the company is going in the red financially,whats going to happen with their jobs,if corporate is selling out,all kinds of stuff.Logically,it just dosent make a lot of sense,express lane has always been know as a family run bussiness who takes pride in setting standards,their new stores are superb,however,now the older stores are being neglected,repairs seem to take for ever and the Lewis name,once spoken of with pride by the employees,is now replaced by,who?,Hell,it pisses me off,and me,i am dealing with the reality of the real world,i who had once felt an integral cog in express lanes machinery,am nothing more then a number.Family,i have always and will always feel,a part of the express lane family,it pains you to give 110% and then be treated as almost non existent.My bad,i guess,i know actually.One of the things that bothered me was that jim did not even have enough respect for me to sit down and talk.I  dont know,i wrote him a letter after i was informed of the new policy,to no avail.Now i have tried leaving 3 calls asking for a return call,no luck.i realize i am not the business, business man,i care too much.i dont feel thats a fault though,how many times has a business tried to get a loan,only to have it coming down to the personal rapport between the owner of the business,and the loan officer or bank president.Maybe thats why so many businesses try to separate themselves from their vendors.It is kinda funny,not really,thatwhen i started my floor cleaning business,i had all the work i could handle,D.Ms,store owners, even clerks,recommended my work to everyone,now its all about corporate.the same people who used to recommend me have no say,they still think my work is great its just that no one in corporate listens to them.Now corporate just accepts bids,gives out the work and then if work is sub par,finds someone else.Of course if there is a problem its the stores fault,crazy,huh.Here is something else i find funny,corporate is always screaming keep the stores clean,this is part of your job,how ever corporate has no problem with cutting on services to help in keeping stores looking presentable, landscaping,clean floors,etc,fixing leaking roofs or replacing ceiling tiles where necessary,the list goes on.the point i am trying to make here is if corporate dose not act like they care,what kind of message is that sending employees.Bottom line,i am not goig to stop caring,i will always do my best,no matter how bad it gets,people have told me not to do stores for free,so ihave not,how ever if a store needs extra work or something then i am going to do it,if i have to for go charging extra so be it,you see everyone knows,i lovbe my job,the hell with the money,but i will be damned if i am going to do a bad job.                Clean Floors Ent. Inc.

7215 N. Lagoon Dr.

P.C.B.,Fl. 32408

850-319-8880

Mr. Lewis,

This letter is in reference to a conversation,i had with Mark last week,concerning care of store floors that I currently do. He informed me that all stores were to start being serviced only once a month(every 4 weeks),effective immediately. During the conversation,i told him this was the busiest time of the year. I also reminded him,that during our last meeting,i asked him if he would give me a 30 day notice,of any changes like me losing contract or such. I had informed at that meeting that I felt very insecure about Express Lane continuing to use my services,primarily due to some things I had picked up on previously. At that meeting he stated I had nothing to worry about,as he had been happy with the service for 10 years and saw no need for any changes.

Well,this letter might get me fired,but I love this company,have stated that in writing and am indebted to you for all the things you have made possible in my life. So many times when things have been rough for me you were there. So I will try to keep this brief,i know I talk too much.

Express Lane,family owned and an important part of our community,has strived to set the standards for convenience stores,not only here but in many areas. Last year,or maybe this year,i believe it was chevron,awarded us the cleanest stores in the south east region.i am not sure of the award,but was proud in thinking I had a part in this,of course I could be wrong,but I do really try to do my best for you.That means we beat Tom Thumb and all the rest,irregardless of the money they poured in.

I know that in these economic times we are all trying to to save where we can.In an effort to help,i have done my best to help out you inthis,not only because I know you need to save money,but also as my small way of thanking you for everything you have done for me and my family.

1)top scrubs,usually done twice a year,at the beginning or during spring break,and then again after labor day,or seasons end,i was able to keep from doing in most of my stores,by keeping store floors up,maybe doing light scrub,and charging just enough to cover the supplies,or at no charge.

I told Mark of this and that I had planned to scrub the few that needed it in June,in addition,with good maintenance of the floors,top scrubs ordainarily done at the end of season would be almost none.I now do 19 stores for you and told him this was saving the company,somewhere around 2500.00 minimumn.i realize that it may not seem like a lot to you,but I told you previously,that I would do my best for Express Lane and I did this because it was in your best interest. When I asked about filing the B.P. Claim you told me,there are good years and bad ones,you do the best you can and deal with it,this was my way of doing the best for Express Lane,even though this is one of my worst years,i felt that it was only right for me to do what was right for you,especially with these financial times.

2)behind counters,back rooms and bathrooms,you may recollect I suggested that we do these,you agreed,told me to ask Mark and he vetoed the idea,which I informed you of.Imagine my surprise,when shortly after this the D.M. For the Tallahassee stores left word for me that if iwas the same company doing the store on Hwy 20,to get down there and that we were to start doing the bathroom area,effective now.I will state right off Mark had never said for me to do anything of the sort,nervous as I was about losing any work,i started doing behind the counters and bathrooms at some of my stores.Straight up,Mark did not authorize this,i figured if he was upset about it he would say something.i have charged very little for doing this,sometimes nothing at all,i have tried to do it only where customers would notice also.i can only state I did it in Express Lanes best interest,not for money.

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3. I am not sure if you remember this but years ago we had discussed giving me a raise and you said,dont ever ask me for one,it was said in a joking but serious manner.Well I kinda took it to heart,and as a result even though I charged other companies more,i have always felt that I should keep your price down as much as possible,cause you are like family.I am sure you probably have not noticed but I have kept your prices at the same rate for years,at least 5 I believe. The price of gas,costs of labor,when I had help,(hahaha),gas,you know they have all gone up,and even though these things increased,the price of having your floors done have not.I am sure you know that my living expenses have gone up also,but you know what,i dont think thats your problem,i feel that the rate I charge you is fair,and its not right for me to charge you more just cause I am having financial difficulties.

Which brings us back to ground zero,the floor care being done once every 4 weeks,i personally want to state there is not too much I would not do for Express Lane,in particular for the Lewis family.i love having my own business,though I am not a good business man.Neither do I forget things like the time Reid personally brought my check to me at a job,cause I needed it for Christmas. Conversations where I learned a little bit more about the business world through listening to your sage advice,(hehehehe).It has helped me you know,or the strength I have received when I think of how your dad started over again.

I love it when I tell someone I do your floors,not only pride in my work,but also the pride when others talk of your family,Express Lane,the way your family is always keeping an eye on the stores themselves. You,are a success story that is enjoyed and loved by people you dont even know,part of the heritage of this place we call home. I can not stand by idly and see your stores begin to show chinks in their armor.Your new stores even though I dont do their floors are a constant source of pride,not only to mebut you should hear the remarks of people I talk to on the street also. It is my opion,and mine alone that to start servicing the stores only once every 4 weeks would result in the stores looking bad.You have worked hard to get them here and it would be remiss to see that work thrown aside.I am not stating that my work is so important to you,but I tried to inform you that the stores where you have implemented once a month service looked bad,but I never told you it was demoralizing to your work force also. This I had learned in previous conversations with employees who were switched over to cover a shift,or in hearing through the grape vine how other stores were upset because they could not get their ceramic tile floors scrubbed,this is not in reference to the new stores,which look good but the older ceramic tiles,blue and white,etc.

When Mark authorized the cleaning of the floor at Santa Rosa,you would not believe how esctatic the manager or employees were. I had to make 2 trips out there,due to scheduling problem,not my bad this time,(hehehe)and informed Mark I had reduced the price to 250.00,so if needed he could get others done,knowing the price would be less. If the times are such,i will reduce my price for doing the floors,if you need me to do some work for free,i will do it,what ever it takes,lets just do it and I will make it happen. Everybody is always willing to talk a good game,let me walk mine,if times are rough,well we will make it,better times lie ahead. Mark told me he was willing to pay me 105.00to do them once every 4 weeks,you currently pay me 90.00 every two weeks.I will figure out something so we can keep the stores looking good. I just can not see all the work you have put into Express Lane going asunder over a few dollars.I know I am being outspoken and if you feel you have to let me go,thats your decision,Reid has tried and tried to tell me there are no friends in business,i disagree,we are or have been partners in business,and I am willing to show you,its not all about the money,there are times,when life has to mean more then that.

Guess thats it,your foolish floor man

my birthday,a practice run,hehehe

      it seems to take forever for me to figure out where to start a new post,hehehehe.always having to jump from here to there,lost in my own blog,gotta be hilarious,hahaha
      well,its been an interesting couple of weeks,,first express lane told me that they were going to start servicing the stores only once every 4 weeks,i also finished up videos for kroger,and i ran out of money,hehehehe.that was scary though,did not think i would come up with the mortgage,but did make it thanks to some extra work i got,praise my higher power,or fate .at any rate came up with it today,and will pay tomorrow,yeahhhhh.i now make a grand total of 450.00 a week and 200.00 of that will go to mortgage,so things are gonna be tight,but am going to work on making things better for real.last week i was asked to submit a proposal for dental office and they said all looked good,and another convienence store also asked for a bid so we shall see.i do know i can not sit around and do nothing so i will have to start applying myself a little birt more efficiently.
       i really could not believe express lane took this route but i guess it was a wake up call for me.i wrote a letter explaining how i felt about the situation and am suppossed to meet with jim lewis,but have a strange feeling that all is not as it appears,a while back i overheard mark,operations manager,stating that i would eventually be working for express lane,i love the company but am not a company man and wonder if this is a shift to get me there.well,i am not sure but i am sure i love doing floors,sick arent iat any rate i guess more will unfold at meeting with jim.
      HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME ,HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME,ahhhh,just practising,b-day is on 28th,this thureday.i love my birthday,its special to me,if no one else,as i have had a rewarding life,not easy,but definately not boring.looking back,i probably did spend my life in the way i wanted,at the time anyway,and though money is a priority now,i am glad it was not before.sure i wish icould retire and all that but i am also glad i used my more energized years in the manner i did.i had nothing and built a good bussineess,helping some people on the way,and dont recollect hurting anyone while doing so.employees or companies i did work for,a rather enrichening experience i say,hehehe..my family,ahhh,what a story,i accomplished most of my goals,and love showed me itys many sides.i have reestablished  a some what tenacious rapport with my bloodline and you know all is good.sadness,what is life with out some to teach us the joy of lifes beauty when it is absent.god i miss you,i think of you every day,teasing myself,you would think i could get you out of my heart by the absence of your being,it dosent work.i wonder if i cross your mind at all,realistically i tell myself no,and then the dream of maybe,just possibly comes along and hopes flame erupts,icry inside and try to reach for the real world where i know its just a dream.an incurable romantic,thats me,the dreamer of dreams,the dream catcher,covered in dust.what do i want for my birthday?truth,as long as it contains just one kiss,one moment,one time where dreams become reality,where i could say i once.
      lordy,lordy,sometimes i think i should have been a writer of romance novels,or may the force be with me,should i bite on your neck and drink the essence of you into myself,bonding us together in ways unfore seen.from one extreme to another,i just cant leave it alone,where does it end,here the future alone knows,
      ok,here is a band playing at la velas on thursday and i cant remember the name but i like them,duuuuh.so i will probably go to spinnakers first and then listen to the group at lavelas,dancing as much as possible,my birthday present to myself.         i miss,           never had           you,        my only true regret in life,the flower of my life,      the  cross of never knowing and unanswered question.i guess i will never know or maybe more honestly,in fear dont want to know the answer to my question,
      i am getting better at this,notice the paragraphs,well its some kinda improvement anyway,and on and on i go,too much on my mind and emotion errupting in my heart so i guesss i will go now,but thanks,for though you are not here you are always with me,love,m.
.

truth

    the whirlwinds of tumultuous thought placed in physical form,through writing,impossible!!!!!!at least my minds thoughts,running here and there,i can only put down the skeleton,bare bomes,of shadowy remnants of what i remember out of the many thoughts that flee across my mind.not even necessarily the most important,but those which i recollect,due to their impact and  my inability to remember the rest,beyond their birth.maybe they will re occur to me later or not,but they were there,an action i have but a glimpse,and one in that i am sure the thought was of terrible importance,if just for a micro second,but the flash is gone,.its bright light reflecting off other thoughts,the impact though unknown by me ,its action affecting  and directing my thoughts with an unseen,unnoticed ,yet strong exertion of force on my conscious thoughts!!!!!!life,mine,at any rate influenced by so many forces,that i may not even consciously be aware of,their mysterious extertions,unkown by me,the cause and affect of what makes me ,who and what i am.the occasional moments of enlightemnent,when i actually am made aware of their existence,or that moment of being dumfounded by a truth,i am actually already aware of,lo,here is the, beauty of mind,thought and emotion revealed.in that moment,i am aware of my potential,the gift of being a human and the joy of being alive.to tap even for a brief splinter of time the potential of what could be,is a glorious shout out to the universe,a thank you for who i am.not as much as before the term,a simple man,is used,primarily because we have become aware that man is not simple.on occasion i admit i wish i was simpler than i am,hell the complexity of my life,due to the person i have become,with all these thoughts at times can be over whelming.i create situations where a straight line is probably the best answer,and end up confusing myself by creating a cloud of nimble but unfortunately insignificant thoughts in an attempt to over dramatize,over think a situation,where truth,already known,seeks to hide.dont i ramble on well,hehehehe.still avoiding,isnt lfe a bitch sometimes,especially if we are honest enough to admit,its our fault,the truth we dont wish to face or the fear of being honest with ourself.damn,i can surely dance cant i,hahahaha.ok,guess i am not  going to say anymore or enlighten this but yes,i had one of those moments today,this morning actually.it is like ,you are just having conversation ,when lo and behold out of no where you speak a truth and its simple honesty sends you quietly reeling,with the simplicity of that truth.a tornado sweeping all your defenses away,before they were even erected,because in the pure simplicity of truth,there was no time to erect them.i think i talk too much,hahahaha.thats all for now,i admit ,i am acting like a coward,but it is enough for me,i just wanted to remind myself of this moment this morning and if it is important enough this tid bit of info will do it for me,i am sure you are thinking,and maybe you are right,you may even know what i am talking about,truth,it is a pain,and yet it is sweet.

friends with benefits

         what a movie.the feelings it dragged up from within,thoughts,fears,it peels out fresh from my heart and mind.first i must admit i always thought until i saw it that it was a kids movie,which could not be farther from the truth.i laughed and i cried,memories pulling at me ,honesty of thought,realization my fears have commanded me too much.wouldnt you know it that song,not over you,was playing while i was typing this,remember justins dad talking about dee dee,life.what can u say,i think well i can not really talk for others but the whirlpool of emotions always circling around that emotion,love.
         after my first marriage,i dont believe,i had that much casual sex.my own fears,inadequacies,and self doubt,always prevailed.oh,i had sex with girls i called friends,but i always knew them for awhile or we casually dated,honestly there were not too many,simply because of my fear.i remember this one girl from a.a. asking me to come home with her,attractive and actually kinda nice,i told her no i was going to ride my bike with some friends,so she,jokingly,told me she would not rape me,with a laugh,and i just went on my way telling her,some other time,actually i was scared,i wanted her,i was just plain scared she would not find my performance up to par.so my whole life has gone,always the same ole,same ole.after i quit drinking drinking,oh god,no more excusing poor performance with alcohol,or being able to put it off saying i had too much to drink.i always told women i am shy,but truth,did not want to be laughed at.you know,they might not have laughed,i may even have been ok,i doubt great,to be honest,it was that i have always been my own worst enemy.
          the laughter,casual talk during sex,that freedom that i saw those two actors portray while being friends with benefits,god how i have hungered for that.that sharing of one another,with the acceptance of who you are,no fears,its ok to say what you feel,think,i like this,dont do that,with a smile.casual conversation while resting inside,feeling that comfortable warmth,being together,not having to be some super stud,i would say john holmes,but thats never gonna happen.hehehehehe,i am laughing,but inside i know i cry somewhere,i think of u.i have tried,to be open,share,not be inhibited,always to be met with some form of rejection,if not at the moment,it gets tossed back in your face later,people always screaming,trust me,you can tell me anything,its ok.believing,wanting to know its ok to be me,that feeling of hurt when its used against you,i even supplied the ammunition,what a fool.i am probably wrong but you i trust,i have always felt,that with you i could have said anything,you my dee dee.
          isnt it funny how what started as a lark,a joyous romp of sexual freedom and friendship,became a love story.me,myself,and i,well i could not have carried that off,i could not have acted like it was less then it meant   to me.being an open book,a transparent glass full of emotion,to have had sex,to deny what i feel,that is beyond my capabilities.in the movie others told them what the reality was,both in denial,open to all others to see,that is real,the truth covered,is only covered to the eyes of those doing the hiding,thinking its hidden,to all others,a flimsy wrapping of delicate lace,burning,from within,with a fierce fire.bright, escalating,bold and revealed by semiconscious action.its like two magnets,the only way to cover their attraction is to separate them far away or reverse the polarity,and how can i hate.
          lost,i dont know,dream,always,i am the dreamer,the romantic,if i have lost,i have none to blame but myself,my fears and a knowledge that some things can not be concealed,once the box is opened.the gift offered,once accepted,the rest i will leave for you to finish.enuf said and good night.

im always trying to play catch up,hehehe

  it is funny,the guilt i feel when i have not posted in awhile,i know few read,even fewer follow,however i think its kinda like a diary that i keep forgetting to fill in.leaving gaps in mylife even if they are retained in my mind. emotional symphonies,that is the part i cannot truly describe,lost in the humdrum grey landscape of  my daily existence.soooooooooo,lets proceed..
   facebook,ahhhh,what an enigma,truly a story unto itself.cnbc,and almost all financial outlets trying to figure that one out,me i am simply glad i did not invest,but i am looking forward to doing so in the future.well,after i get back on my feet anyway,still trying to play catch up but the light is definately getting brighter.adjnd yes,i was just wishing i had that dragon speaking program,i can never keep my thoughts in line while typing,i am so slow,heheheehe.now with dragon i could make your head spin,well with it and my quirky way of thinking,hahaha.i am having fun watching te progress of my stocks in the nasdaq,and of couse listening to mad money on cnbc.practically all i watch now,cnbc,so thats a positive,i recollect when i stopped watching any financial news due to the kroger thing,loss of belief in financial world and the flat out bad news all were projecting.i personally feel that the economy is not doing that well,actually faltering to a certain extant and thies is based on conversations i have with customers in stores i work in ,or strangers i happened to engage in conversation.i do believe it will improve but in order for real growth,the goverment is going to have to start dealing with real unemployment numbers,retrain people,and after training give business an incentive to hire these people.then the companies,should make available,in house training,or schooling so yhose that do which to achieve higher goals may do so.i also realize that this requires an investment by corpporate,but feel they could benefit by requiring the people to work for a minimumn amount of time for the company.this could also bring back the idea of company loyalty,and the desire to enhance our own work places profits.kinda like the japanese,or as in old the way craftsman guilds worked.now this s just off the top of my head,so please,if you read this and dont agree,dont get all silly,we do live in the good ole usa,freedom of speech and ideas you know,or so they say.oh and see what i mean from f /b to our economy,looo.
   yes,i have missed you.that after leaving to do the laundry and pick up scotty,i miss you every day thinking of you in some way,your smile,how i feel when i see you,so many things bring up thoughts of you and sometimess its just the knowledge that you are out there,not anywhere near,or probably not even on your mind,but you are enfolded to my being like an inner part of me.sometimes boldly,and at other times,like the soft scent of perfume after the wearer is gone,a tickle of joy and love in my mind.
    back to the real world hehehehe,ok the lawn looks terrible!!!!!!mower is in the shop and will be getting it out this week,yeahhhh.i also ran into an old friend ,noah who told me he would help me put in an irrigation pump and redo the irrigation system,soooo its getting better!!!!!!!!!!!now just have to do that this week also and maybe,just maybe i can come up with some extra work to do the pond.life,its little challenges,they are fun,at least to this optomist,now if i can get the wife to chill at bingo,we would be straight.until the next thing arose.there is always some situation that arises,but imagine how boring life wo0uld be with out them,duhhhhh,no fun for me,for sure,hehheheh.
    NEXT!!!!!!!!!!! jsut having fun,combat arms,my game full of people,that i did not realize really misssed me,this crazy guy has been overwhelmed by the outpouring of emotion from his fellow gamers.sometimes,in our lives we underestimate the effect we have on our space of world.per sae,c/a and the gaming communty ,i have always enjoyed playing the game ,the people i have met in game and have been humbled by the reaction from those that have missed my companionship in the game.being un affiliated  with any clan and just enjoying the company of others,i was rermiss in not informing others of my decision to take a sabbatical..i can only hope that i will be more thoughtful of others,in the internet world,then i was previously.it is amazing how the internet has brought us closer,while sometimes we,rather i,think we have no
base there,yet it is not a computer we socialize with but the person on the other end of the computer,we are involved with.just goes to show how old i am,hahahahha,but i will be a more thoughtful person in the future.yes,i do love it,people have beeen so nice,inquiring as to my well being,its really,hell it is real life,and some even gave me gifts,now talking about bringing the kid out in me,yipeeeeeee.love,comfort and just anchknoldgement they care about me,not that i am not that great a player just me and that,that is anaward i may never hang up,but one i will always carry within.
   it really dosent get much better than this,oh well,one last thing,i realize it will take forever to save the money for another lie detecter test for k5roger so i made a video and maybe that will help get my mind off it,sending it to mr.dillon this week and we will see whats up.ok,now i am done,love to you all and may the blessings of life smile upon you,marino