filling in the blanks

work week is over,scheduled accounts anyway,sales tomorrow, optimism is in force,hehehe.been awhile since i have been on so lets fill in the blanks,to the best of my ability,smile.ok,friday sucked at la velas,talk about dead, definitely should have done something else with my 8 dollars,but band was ok.now, Saturday that was rocking and only 5 bucks for the cover,probably spent 15 dollars total,but well worth it ,people were kicking it up and band sounded better then previous night.it did not hurt that i danced a little either,andddddddddd got a couple of compliments,yeah that's right,the old man was doing it up,quietly and to the side,but having a blast.a guy that i had seen break dancing earlier,him and another went to war with each other and came up to me.he asked why i don't get on the floor,you know i dance by the bar and then asked if i was married,to which i replied yes.told him i did not get on floor cause i am happy here,keeps me from getting too wild,and the women don't bother me while i am not on floor.said he could understand sometimes he liked to just do his own thing and complimented me on my style,said him and some friends were watching me earlier and could not figure out why i was not breaking out on the floor. that's why his second question was about being married,said i would be welcome with his group anytime,and they would make sure i was not bothered.yeahh,aint gonna lie,made my ego feel good,ran into a couple of guys i knew from stetsons and shooting pool before,rapped with them and called it a night,actually it was a good night.sunday,was a something else,i really wanted to watch the pats play,which is so totally not like me,even thought about putting off work,but after watching for awhile,i felt guilty about not going to work so went on in.i pulled into Bristol store,just to get coffee,they thought i was there to start on floor and copped an attitude,put me in a bad mood,most people,like to see me ,clerks anyway,they get out of mopping the floors,hehehe.well naturally,that got the old mind going but had a good time at the next store and when i got back to Bristol she was in a better mood so all good. every time i go to Tallahassee i wish for a radio so bad,i dream of the day,maybe in a couple of months.oh yeah,forgot but got the shed done Monday morning,after i got back,i swear i think too much,got too thinking about all my big plans when i first got it,gonna set up wood craft area,do this do that,never did,and no one to blame but me.got it all done,and it was ok,with in myself,i guess i am learning to let go,try to do better and accept things,when necessary.the rest of the week until tonight was just taking care of business,i love doing my floors,hahahah,i am sick,it feels so good when people compliment you,and the end result is a thing of pride.my sleep pattern is driving me nuts though,i am trying to go to sleep,when i get home,however i start reading my books and stay up too late,duhhhhh.then i get upset cause i sleep too late,reading kim harrisons,black magic sanction,now and earlier this week read,enemies,by lee hogan,the conclusion to bellarius,i had been waiting for from the book store and also,william gibsons,pattern recognition,which was an interesting novel about a woman who had the abilty,to tell if a trademark would work for different corporations. that's a rather shallow description,but it is an interesting read.after the girl with the dragon tattoo trilogy,which wrapped me so well,i think i am hungry for more,have been considering buying the rest of the mission earth series,by ron hubbard,just so i have a long read.it consists of 10 novels and would keep me going for awhile,hahaha.you know i was just looking over what i had wrote so far and i just feel good about life,sometimes it only takes a little thing to remind you of the how fortunate you are.hell i am sitting here,worried about belly getting big,and there are some out there starving,i have the joy of knowing things have been getting better,not easy but better,life in being somewhat of a challenge is actually,more enjoyable.i am not going to b/s myself,sure i would love to hit the lottery,but i do enjoy the challenges that come my way.even if i don't say win every-time,i don't sell myself short,and am proud of the fact,i am making some headway,maybe not a lot,but,i am pulling ahead.a while back,my anger took up too much of my space,and today well,i am smiling more,and life,i think i am going to live it more then exist in it.sooooooooooo,on that note,be happy,and remember,if tomorrow comes,you have an opportunity for a fresh start,in something that's important,if only to you,but then it is your life you are living isn't it,later,get some love,smile a little smile and know it can get better.

the shed

im backk,lo i scare myself sometimes,just so you know.ok,where do i start,that seems to be the question,90 percent of the time,so many thoughts flitting around, sometimes i wish i would use my little recorder just to try to keep up with myself,hahahaha.mainly because,i think so much about different things,they flit through my mind, like the snap of clothes drying in a strong wind ,and just as you wonder,figure out where that sound came from,the thought is gone till next time.duhhhhh,if i only had a mind,hehe.cleaned out the shed today,its a ten by twenty and we are going into a ten by ten.at first, insurmountable,just too much,tires buffing pads,christmas decorations,file cabinets,and all precious memories,of times past,diving into yesteryear,fear of tender moments,being forced to reconcile with the reality of downsizing,that shifting of importance,to admit that the today must overcome the emotional,remember when,what,oh look i forgot all about that do you...............ah,life,sometimes i wonder,with a touch of fear,am i a hoarder,do i have to keep a physical manifestion of times past in order to retain a memory.i began,with a sense of loss,failure,responsible for the fact that i did not make enough to,just not have to worry about paying the rent.first mop buckets,some with frozen wheels,wringers that are broken,evidence of procrastination,was going to fix,never got to it.decided all trash on the left wall,fill van and keep making trips till i am done.overwhelmed,straight up.buffing pads,brown green red pink,and black,rainbow of the work and jobs i had done previously,there must have been at least a 100 or 200.some used to the point that they were almost as thin as thick pancakes,others with the dirt of stores from,sopchoppy,fl. to orange bch.,al,patiently lying there to be cleaned,reused in a dance,with the floor man.no bitterness,an awareness,i throw all away,tossing yesterday away.boxes,containing junk,what did i keep this for,others hiding small teasures,i thought i had lost,hidden in the shadowy bottom of a partially crushed box.a wheel,brand new,for my scrubber,a set of tools,in what i thought was an empty case,and other little things bringing sun into a dark task.ok ,tires,thats easy,no memories here,just cars that had seen there time,and scottys 1000.00 rims,the things we spend money on.oh well maybe i can sell the tires and scotty can use the money off his rims for his trip to orlando.that will help defray the cost of going to the dump,cause its beginning to look exspensive.the trash wall is looking impressive,ancient jugs of cleansers,have to empty those,awning,boxes empty and others full of what did i keep this for,trimmers for the yard,antiquated,you can buy one cheaper now then the cost of fixing these.an old air conditioner,to big for one person to move hidden under boxes and pads,the white now a dingy grey,i could have sworn,i took to the dump.whats left,our old bed frame,the magic of special memories.the last time my wife would tell me she liked an expensive item,for fear i would find some way to get it for her,just starting to make a little money,it cost 2000.00,no mattress,the movers and i had to bring it in through the 2nd story in order to bring it through the sliding glass doors,as there was no other way to get it in,hahaha.i will never forget the disbelief on her face when she found out,or the joy in my heart,giving her a gift she never expected.a small buffer,bought it brand new,worked for a little bit,but not to my expectations,but worth keeping,my big scrubbers,well used,old,but top of the line,and working.a smile for the batle i had to go through to get them back up after losing the tom thumb account,buying batteries,going to alabama,having to argue and convince them that i was serious,showing up at 5 am,determined not to leave without my machine.taking one more load to the new shed,its clean,fresh,the things i have kept look good,stored in their new home.i will finish tomorrow,i relock my old shed,and reflect on all those things i am taking to the dump,not so bad,a lot,that needs to go.treasures,neccessitys,they will all manage in my new space,it was time to clear some debris from yesterday,to make room for today and the promise of growth tomorrow.i feel good now,sometimes going through the mumble of what is,illuminates the beauty of things forgotten,helping to create a new road of adventures for tomorrow.imagine my smile,i am smiling,i made it,i turned it and its all good.welcome to my world,hahaha,plus they are now playing,its 5 oclock in the morning,purrr,my favorite song,what a way to finish,going to dance on another floor now,eat your heart out,hehehe,LOL,ME.

kroger

hi,what a great day,finally paid off major bill,and i am so happy.broke but a lot of us are,so guess we will just have to persevere,keep that smile on our face and ROCK this world,hahahaha.was talking with some good people i know today and one of them brought up the question of why i was still trying to arguing with kroger over the tom thumb episode.you know it was a good question,while i have learned to live with the situation,loss of contract,and am going forward with my life,i confess,i will not and can not let it go.it has to do with life,belief in ourself,the moral standards we set not only for ourself,but our children and finally integrity.i am not going to go into a lot of detail over the situation itself,but am going to attempt to explain why i can not just let it go.in order to survive in this world,i have to have believe in myself,not with an ego problem,but faith enough to believe i have control over my own life.while we are subject to situations beyond our control,our faith gives us the strength to overcome the obstacles that life places in our way.the ability to take defeat and turn it into a win,or the strength we discover in fighting for ourself,even if we dont win,makes us the unique individuals we are.to submit,to allow a situation to overcome,to surrender without a fight,defeats the freedom of the spirit,making us less then,betraying the soul of man.we are special,refusing to subcomb,we reach for the stars in our dreams,uncontent with just watching them overhead.when we emerge from battle,even if we are not victorious,through our actions we also influence others around us,by demonstrating a belief in ourselves we may give strength to others,in the course of their life.children are our most valuable treasure,we preach to them,the values that are of utmost concern in fashioning them,molding them in a fashion to give them the ability not to just survive life,but strength,to overcome,and persevere irregardless of life's many pitfalls,they are our living testament to life,even after our death.to a parent,a child will always be a child irregardless of age,they are the well we wish to fill with our water of life's lessons.there have been kings who were crowned at the age of 12, bereft of the knowledge of their parents and others who waited till they were in the more mature years.i am king of my family,i have a responsibility to others,not just in my family,but also as a leader,to set an example that will protect those i care for,not just now,but especially for those times when i am gone.in today's world,there are times when i feel like a cog in a big machine,and not even a major one,in reality we are individuals,which means we are responsible,at least for our self.kroger is a major corporation which is definitely more powerful then litle ole me.it also states that it is a morally correct company,stressing that its employees are held to a high moral standard and that the officers of the company are held to these same principles,the same ones i believe we try to instill in our children.now it really is very simple to me,i run my business,not only with thoughts of profit,but also whats best for my customers,i believe if my customer does well,i will do better,so i keep my costs down so we may both expand together.now this means i must have a belief in the company and its values or there is no sense in trying to cut costs for the customer.all too often we hear about the soullessness of big industry,and while i believe its true for some it is not true for all.companies are run by people,all have some sense of moral ethics.it is the officers of the company which dictate the soul of that company.when a company the size of kroger is going to be telling the world of its moral expectations especially when used as a marketing tool,i am going to hold them accountable.we elect representatives of government,basing our vote on the statements they make,holding them accountable,and if they lie or mislead us we do not re elect them.kroger is a public company,its shareholders expect their officers to act with integrity,if the officers fail to do so,and it is brought to the shareholders attention,there can be changes made.the c.e.o. and other officers,can not and should not be allowed to act with impunity,there is a code of ethics to which they have made themselves accountable,and they have chosen this path on their own,by choosing to work for a company of high moral standards,per sae.i would be remiss in my duties,not only in my own sense of morals,but also to the stockholders of the company,its electoral body,if i were to allow them to treat me as if i am insignificant,for many stockholders only own a few shares,in the scheme of things they are just as important as those who hold thousands of shares.how many times have we heard of an injustice,even if it appears so only to those not in power,and then said if there was only something i could do.sometimes it is easier to just let it go,no fight,move on,my life has been built on doing what i think is right,without inflicting pain and suffering on others,sometimes at a cost.i learn from those i consider my peers,ron brown,jim lewis.and others,leaders of men,to take the lessons they have taught me and not to use them,would make me a poor student,out of respect for them,i can not allow others to treat me less then.i may be defeated,however i will retain my selfrespect,and the integrity of my own beliefs.to do any less would be an undermining of my core,who i am and the beliefs i have tried to live by,set myself as an example.

my wife

ok,whats upppppppp?La Velas kinda sucked last night,dj from107.9 evidently thought it was retro only last night.bass was good he overdid it on the fog,but with a crowded floor in the main room,hardly anyone was really dancing,cause he was too much into adding his effects and  it kept throwing people off.rhythm of the music was helter skelter and the one time he played a  song that the crowd roared too,he switched it out only a third of the way in.guess there is no accounting for somethings.danced to one,maybe two songs and that felt good,other then that generally hung out in rock arena to start and then more or less chilled and watched,in the main room.there is definitely plenty of entertainment,nothing like watching a group of people enjoying themselves,watching all the groups within.there was  a group of girls celebrating a birthday,you could tell as she had a white banner draped over her shoulder,with blinking lights and birthday girl,printed on it.they were just out for a good time,kept the guys in control,and were just bee bopping and making faces all night.i got a kick out of the birthday girl as she loved getting behind the guys looking out on the dance floor,and then dancing behind them with out their knowledge.was funny as hell,here she is dancing all over them,without touching,thrusting her arms on these guys sides,and they don't even know whats going on,be aware of your surroundings guys.then there was this girl and guy who definitely had too much too drink,she was cutting loose and evidently they had just met or like first date,he was bewildered,completely at a lost about how to respond,she kept slithering all over him,like a snake on a limb,he stood there trying to figure out how to react,duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.guess you had to be there,so she ends up dancing by herself,a couple of feet from him,and he gets upset.she was pretty good about it,gave him some loving and they had a few more drinks, while she enticed him back into a good mood,alls well that ends well.than their was a couple from the far east,the woman was wearing one of those scarves and looked a little uncomfortable at first,but the two of them did not let anyone prevent them from enjoying themselves and soon they were mixing it up with everyone else,good time there.my wife dose not think i think of her when i am out,but that's not true,for instance,there was this girl, definitely of Lebanese descent,at least to me,beautiful Lebanese features,sultry looking eyes,that beautiful dark hair,and that sexy mischievous smile,{yup, that's my wife, whether she realizes it or not},at any rate reminded me of my lady,so far away,i watched her occasionally,remembering the fun my wife and i  used to have dancing.well to make a long story short,even though it was only a little after one,i decide to come home,no wife there,but,at least i was surrounded by her,in the little things that make up those memories we hold dear.scotty was home and we discussed each others night and i ended up watching a movie till i fell asleep.off to work now,short night,only one store,but a couple of hours away,so will catch you later,that eternal romantic,me

family

i have been thinking on my last post and a thought keeps occurring to me,i wanted to share.we have a small house that consists of 3 bedrooms,living room,bathroom and a kitchen.currently my wife is staying in boston to help with her father who is not well,while me and scotty are at home,as billy,friend of scottys just moved out getting his place.each of the bedrooms has their own tv and computer,while the big tv and my computer are in the living room.here is where i,personally get frustrated,not crazy frustrated just like a what the hell is happening frustrated,i know kinda strange but let me explain.i generally am old school,in my mannerisms and family beliefs,such as interaction between members and such,i like to talk,not necessarily ramble,show an interest in the others lives and you know kinda mix it up socially with others in the house. that's one of the reasons i like being in the living room,due to the layout of the house,i am centered and can observe whats going on.i bought this big tv for the wife and also so we could all get together and watch it,never happened.what occurred was as some would say,same ole,same ole,everyone stayed in their own space,coming out only for food and to use the bathroom.now its a small house maybe 1000 sq.ft.,if you push it,so if my wife wanted something from me or one of the boys,she would either yell for us to come to her room,and vice versa.this,i cant help but find this weird and unsettling,here are four people living in the same house and everyone's in their own little world.isolated in the rooms,not even knowing who is home unless i said something.as i stated earlier,i generally stay in the living room,doing whatever,as my wife don't like being bothered while playing catch up on her shows.now i know that we are fortunate that we have the tvs and the computers,but i swear i think we would be better off without the duplication.i would rather bicker over what to watch,and who uses the computer,then deal with the self enforced isolation. instead of a home,it sometimes feels like you are living in a dorm with some friends.everyone apparantly content in their world,with just enough conversation to get their needs fulfilled.to me this is hardly what i envisioned,it is what it is though.now donna has 3 girls that live within 15 miles of us and in todays world all communication,is done through facebook,at least with this house.as their mother is in boston they do ,i gotta laugh here,hahaha, Skype, occasionally,which i will concede is better then a phone call,but not very often.for me this does not make for family unity,which may be what they want,they all are older and living their own lives,but damn it is strange to me.when the girls were younger,and the grandkids also,we used to watch them a lot,and at least they would come  around occasionally.now most of them are in daycare or school,so haven't seen or heard from them since christmas.scotty and i,well every time i see him,i usually try to induce some sort of conversation,and i feel as we are getting in the habit of sharing more about whats going on.it dont take a lot,and it is getting better,i think.i do work nights and i realize that has some to do with things but actually,most are sleeping while i am at work,and waking up when i am getting home.its kinda humorous,my wife and i sometimes talk more now,we make an effort to call each other at least once a day,sometimes twice.the rest,i am simply at a lost, don't understand it,but at the same time, don't want to encroach on the girls lives so don't call.family,what defines it today,are we getting to far from one another,or am i simply different,i have no idea,just not what i expected.my wife,i have to give her credit,pushed me into talking with my mother more often,we had had some issues,but after living in this atmosphere,i actually felt wrong for not being more communicative with her.i call her a couple of times a week,generally with nothing to say,but feel better knowing she knows i was thinking of her.i guess that's it,i just wanted to share my thoughts and put it out there,life goes on and i love being alive,until next time,and yes i am going to la velas tonight,its free,and free is for me,hehehe,talk to you later,sharing the love,me.  

i cant stop,hahaha

i believe i am addicted,hahahaha.seems  i cant stop coming here,even when,or actually,especially when,i have no real idea of what i am going to write about.oh,oh,gotta turn the stereo on,yup,i know its hard to believe but the tv is actually on.i dont even know why i turned it on but kinda got caught up watching ncis and then finished reading the last book in the larsson triology about the girl with the dragon tattoo.so lets see whats going on here,went and did a floor at no charge just buffed it out,simply because it felt good,in addition,no denial want it to look good as i am going to work on getting some work down the street.i really enjoyed not only the work but the companionship of the people working and talking with a few of the customers.it was usually just a hello or something of that nature but,it being friday,most were in a good mood,some regulars came in also,so it was pretty good.talking about work,ran into a situation last night,that has me kinda stymied.i had a great time so no problem there,however in conversation with store clerk learned customer had misinformed me in regard to the reason previously scheduled work was canceled.while i was doing the job,for which i do need the money,i debated about the situation.not having many contracts,when they are scheduled,the money is usually already in play,at least in my mind.this being before christmas,i had spent the money,many times over,hahaha,at any rate he cancelled the work till future date.now my price had already been set,according to time in between jobs,when he informed me we could not do ,due to an employee situation,i kept everything the same as i did not feel it was his fault.then i discovered that had not been the case,after i started work.i did not allow that to keep me from doing a good job,actually i did a better job,not only because i was enjoying myself,i also was debating if i wanted to continue working with someone of that ilk,under these circumstances,my belief is let them know what they lost,or at risk to lose.the money for the work i have not bothered with,as i am still in self debate,and personally,am of the thought i don't care.i know,seems slightly crazy huh,well the truth is i would have just stayed home anyway,i actually enjoyed myself,and its kinda of a moral thing.i am probably,gonna need the money,but if i see him,to get it,i know i will confront him,and if he b/s me i don't know how i would react.but oh well it will work itself out eventually,hahaha,life in a floor mans world heheheh,too many chemicals heheeee.good tunes coming out now,dance music for sure,we fell in love in a hopeless place,has nice bass,good dance beat.so whats next,came home,amn i love coming home,there is nothing like coming home to your own space.dose not matter if there's dishes in the sink,or if its not immaculate,its yours,a sanctuary from all bad things,the tent you built with sheets when you were a child,that castle in the books when you were reading king arthurs tales,the cocoon of your mothers arms,its embrace,like a lovers caress,sanity,calm,that place you are most likely to be uninhibited,free and secure in its womb.yup,i am a homebody,now i always come home and then think of other places,like dancing,going shopping,errands to run,then i just enjoy being here so much i kinda end up doing nothing,ok,maybe i procrastinate,but it feeels so good,enveloped in this familiar shell,all my toys near at hand,computer,tv ,radio,books,and not having to go out of myself,brrrrrrrrrr,comfort.so,where were we?arriving in my palace,hahaha,i ended up checking my facebook,real proud that michelle,step daughter,got accepted by a school she was trying so hard for,have you noticed how the social structure is changing so drastically?seems,hell,its true,we have or are losing the desire or ability to carry on conversations about our lives,especially with those closest to us.it saddens me to seee such a dependency on interaction with facebook,twitter,or other forms of so called  mechanical form.its as if the world has forgotten the physical interaction which keeps us healthy,only engaging when necessary,secluding us unwittingly,similar to myself right here.i love this,attempt at sharing my thoughts,pretending to be a writer,hahaha,but i miss long conversations,the verbal banter amongst a group of friends,or the feeling of contentment when people gather together for the joy of being together.today a family can be living in the same house,not seeing one another except for trips to kitchen or bathroom.everything is wrapped up in the modern experience of tv,and computer,sad,what happened to us?i have had a computer for more then half my life,tv all my life,never have i understood this tendacy of todays world,to make them more important then the humans who created these things.older,saddened,actually who dosent miss the human touch,glad i am old enough to know what i am missing,the dissolution of the interplay of humanity's soul,the loss of a mothers first holding of her child,lovers who whisper into each others ears,laughter of family at a shared remembrance.the young one leaving home,for the first time,the pain of those who raised them,the knowledge they know of journeys the young one has begun,the pains of growing apart from,is this what mankind is experiencing or have we begun to become callused,insulated by our artificial world,for you i have no answer,i know that without the mingling of others,i am less then,so DO YOU FEEL THE LOVE,later,me

glorious

glorious,thats how my day is ending,sweetness,wish you were here,thinking of good things in life.work was awesome,did it up,went by store on 390 was going to do for free,just buff,felt so goood,but no one there.i never know what the hell i am going to write about,when i start,for instance saw on facebook,kate perry got 5 awards for peoples choice,loved her song about aliens really turned me on to her music.kinda strange i am said i to no one in particular.but damn i love being me,which can be a bitchhhhhhhh,sometimes.oh well i believe we all have those moments,you know where we doubt our own sanity or wonder why we are so different from everyone else.i have been reading the trilogy by steig larssson,which is entwined around a girl,woman,who epitomize,to me,one of the few characters that i can relate with.i dont have her gifts,but,the being different from others,the sense of morals,close but not the same as the rest of the world,actions not always understood by others but rightous to mine own sense,and an unwillingness to be dependant on others,due to tragic times in the past,all those bring forth an overwhelming compassion,for the character,so similar,yet different from myself.andddddddddd off on another tangent,its getting cold out again,here i was worrying that maybe we had screwed up the weather,mankind that is and just to put me in my place mother nature shows me she is still in control,brrrrrrrrrrrr.ok,maybe not that cold,no teeth chattering,two shirt,or frost glazing on the windshield,but i get cold easy so there,hahhaha.enough on that subject,where to now,hmmmmmmmmm,actually thinking of cooking some eggs,and oatmeal,cause that will warm me up,plus i cant wait to finish the last book in the set.that kinda sucks,the awareness that you are at the end of a good thing,it makes you kinda wish the journey was not ending,but you cant wait to see the end.so for now thats it,but this was a good time so hope it enlivens your day and i will talk AT you later,hahaha.