well just got done watching how to lose a guy in 10 days,funny,endearing and it made me think about things.My dad,he met every woman that was important in my life,crazy place to star but i miss him.In the movie,he brings her over to meet his family,and his mother states he never brought another woman over,i guess we only want to bring home those that we find important,those we feel will be important enough to share our deepest secrets with,comfortable and secure enough that no matter what our family says, embarrassed us with,no harm will come to our relationship.i keep using the words us,but this is only as a comfort zone,in actuality it is only myself i can write about,.My dad always just wanted me to be happy,did not always think i was making a good choice,however he embarrassed me or made the women feel uncomfortable,what else can you ask for.They always fell for him anyways,he was just that kind of guy.
LOVE,with it i can conquer the world,without,is only the kind of existence that seems grey,foggy,a monotone existence,where you just put one foot in front of the other.Barry White says it well,you are my everything.Old school,yes but to the romantic one of a kindred spirit.Where to go from here?My age,57,a number,it tells not of the young child inside,the spirit that flows in rapturous harmony with every note of music,a dreamer of enchantment,the bitterness of being judged by those younger basing all on appearance,the joy when they see the spirit that lives inside making them desirous to be me.Quiet,am i,until i hear the music,see a womans desire to get to know me,scared i am always,only the music freeing my inhibitions,afraid of a life where love has knocked at my door,entered and shall be no more.Loss of that romantic moment,where to kiss is as satisfying,maybe even better then the actual act of sex.Twinkle,twinkle send shivers through me when i see that twinkle in her eyes,comfort in her arms,where i feel the security that no matter what,it will be ok.Wrapping her in my arms kissing the back of her sweet head,desiring to protect her from all bad,walking down a street,fingers wrapped together,holding hands,exclaiming to the world,we are one.Life,has been good to me.Is it age that stops,the knowledge of a love lost,or the fight ,that drains the spirit,for i refuse to accept what reality offers me.Drowning,overwhelmed,i struggle to the surface seeking,the tiniest bit of air.Seeing others,most younger though not all,loving someone,irregardless of the world around them,denying judgement of themselves by others, resplendent,dazzling and daring all in their display of love for one another.Here,i look for my breath,painful to draw into myself,for it is not i,its truth being anything is possible,even for one such as i.They come in all shapes,sizes,races,ages intermingling,boundaries non existence,torn down by the force of love.Hope,a light only dimmed by loves light,breaks through sustaining me making life possible,its promise of possibility making all endurable.
Jealousy,does rear her ugly head,if just for he briefest moment,sadness as my life whips through sweet memories of yesterday,anger at myself,mad at my fear,of never having told,making it seem like i dont care,what do i know of you?I know you are there,hidden from my view,life it is a stage and i,one of its actors,showing life is being lived, existence is being maintained,if only for the briefest glimpse of you.
It seems like i am my own worst enemy,my friends have always thought it humorous that i could never tell when women where interested in me,which was true,it is also true that i,i have always been intimidated by women,i am attracted to,or even worse feared i would be considered inadequate sexually.Fear,always afraid,hell of a thing for someone as romantic as myself.So i guess i have been fortunate that the women in my life had the courage to overcome my own doubts.I was master of subtle hints,letting them know i was interested,scared of taking that first step.Women,have shown an interest,their failure,if you wish to call it such,being in that they only displayed an interest in a sexual form.I am realistic enough,maybe harshly so,in the knowledge that i am not that great in bed.Maybe it is just my own perception,women seemed ok with me,but,love,for me is the magical elixir,the leveler that makes even the worst,the best for another.
Love,that strength which can overcome all,is so fragile in its beginnings,like the first thread in a spiders web.The moment we first realize we are captured in the web,its beginnings tease us.tearing me from within,like a wind whipping thru the pages of a book,each page opening to reveal all my weaknesses,scaring me ,making me question myself,my heart screaming to tell,my fear rendering me mute. Interpretation,here i which we were telepathic,if only emotionally.Safe it would be,honest,so you and i,would not hurt one another.Sex,it appears you seem only to be interested in,or offering,thats scary,would you scorn me,maybe laugh at me.For you see,i am excited more by your laugh,that look in your eye,the thought of holding your hand,or holding you as you sleep,SEX scares me,the joy of being intimate,the knowledge you accept me as i am,that is the nectar of my existence.Scared,hell yes,for some a kiss is nothing,for me,it is act of saying you have power over me,its a surrender,the sweetness undescribable.The overcoming of fear,that moment when lips first touch,the feel of our bodies molding together,a dream that is now real,i am yours,you can hurt me,i give you this freely,with trepidation,i savor this,pulling back to see what truth there is in your eyes.Here,the kiss that seemingly innocent beginning,begins the web.On this can a thing of wonder and beauty sparkle forth each strand giving strength,each day it sparkles anew with another weave wove.It all starts with that first strand,the one so difficult to start.
In the movie,both people have two different objectives,one to lose someone,thr other to gain someone,and yet through the wonder of being themselves,the magic of love and being honest with each other ends up in a happy ending.This is me,the optimist who believes the power of love can overcome,the hardest thing is the honesty,which makes you so vulnerable.Once found,it gives those a strength second to none,a shield of protection in defiance of all.
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