stormy girl

    Yesterday i had to work,my wife was coming back from boston today,after her dads funeral and i wanted to spend today with her,as a result,i also missed,stormys birthday party.i had to go to work in tallahassee,giving me 2 hours of drive and thinking time.naturally,i thought of my wife,the times she had been going through,which have been pretty rough,but what really surprised me was the amount of feeling and thought i had over missing stormys bday.stormy and i,the debt i owe her for the lessons she taught me,well,forever will i remain indebted.
     the story,a little long in the tooth,is one of a miracle.i jest you not,but,and you knew there would be one didnt you,hehehe,first you have to learn more about me.i apologize,but will try to keep it as brief as possible.ok?so lets begin a tale of life,mine and allow me to share one of its wondrous moments,magical in its own way.
     I was the oldest of 3 children,my mother European,dad an army man.mom,i could write a book on,suffice it to say,she was of true nobility and her beauty was such that she modeled for black velvet,and other things.dad,raised hard and fast,in italian style,always being held responsible,not only for his actions but his siblings also.it was a marriage of rocky roads,dad being posted to different places,mom unaccustomed to the life of an army wife,or the responsibilitys of a mother,having been raised by nannys herself.at one time when i was around 9 or10,the state took us from our mother and placed us in some sort of foster care,she did get us back after about 5 or 6 months.then the circus began,between the the age of 11 and 17,my mother married 4 more times,my father 3.i left home when about 13 the first time and stayed in touch with my both sides,coming back occasionally to mom and staying in touch with dad.keeping an eye out for my siblings,and developing a strong dislike for step parents.the only good one we had was my fathers last wife,he finally got a wonderful person,we all loved,she stayed with him till his death a couple of years ago,he was blessed with her.enough said for now,you have some idea of my feelings about step parents and the basis for it.
   when i was 18,i joined the navy,met a woman,an hour later i told my dad i was gonna marry her and lordy,i did.heaven,its the only way i can describe it.we had 3 boys,i had left the service,as my wife could not take the separation,due to my sub going out.coming home from college 1 night,my wife had gone mental,was instutionalized and state took kids.after she got out,the state gave her the children,which i thought was great,because no child could want a better mother.while working in al.i recieved a phone call from a friend in ma.telling me my wife was losing kids,i quit work and got back saw he kids,and wife,came back the next day all gone.tried to info from friends and in laws,no one knew what happened.years later,after having exhausted all resources,i discovered she had left with some guy,had mental breakdown,and given the children to state.
    i remarried when i was about 35,to my wife now of 20 years,who had 4 children of her own.because of my past,i promised the children that i would not leave until they were of legal age no matter what.their father was still alive,i told them i would be their friend,that he would be their father always.so i proceeded to due the best i could,always mindful of my past,i also stressed the importance of blood,in reference to family.my wife and i would occasionally try to find some info,in reference to my kids,to no avail.honestly i thought of it as a lost cause.christine,the youngest of the 3 girls got married and pregnant,her husband rocky had stayed with us for awhile,and was definately a good guy.sometimes i wondered how he dealt with her though,hehehehe,ahhhh,teenagers in love,a joy,tumultous but a joy to watch.
    stormy,is born,happy for them no big deal,i did not really want anything to do with her. definitely no desire to hold her,bond with her,hell who knows how long i would be around,no sense in developing an emotional bond,standoffish i am.then christine had to go back to work,so the wife starts babysitting,ughh,but i dealt with it.i helped,as little as possible i admit,and refused to be called grandpa,not my blood,you know.i honestly dont know when or what the hell happened,sometimes the wife would need a break,and i would fill in,feeding her,burping her,or just holding her to keep her quiet while her grandma napped.then she got a few months older started taking her out in the stroller and we would have conversations about birds and stuff we saw.ok,i talked,but she listened and her smile,coupled with that laugh,made me want to talk more.then the wife had to go to boston and i was stuck babysitting.im getting teary eyed now,but tears of joy,i could not believe that i was beginning to actually enjoy her company,even taking a secret joy when she cried leaving to go home,why i dont know,i guessed i was just the best babysitter in the world.ahhhhhh,stormy the magic you work.when my children were born,i worked and the wife she took care of them completely,i know i must have,but i cant recall ever giving them a bottle or changing a diaper.stormy,i did it all,and in return she played with me,listened to me,took walks,never complaining,always trusting in that i would do what was best for her.on our walks,everyone complimented her and i cant lie,i quietly took pride showing her off.i also began to feel an empathy with her when mom or dad picked her up,her tears led to a sodden feeling inside of me.there where even times i would find myself unexpectedly thinking of her while she was at home.worrying if mom or dad called,saying she was not acting well.the wife came back,lo and behold,i remained the primary sitter,it just happened,wife had stuff to do and stormy and i,we had grown accustomed to one another.besides,the few times stormy would get upset,cry,she would only stop if i held her.stormy,she trusted me to care for her,she made no judgments on me,she never made me feel that i was not giving her enough attention and was attentive in receiving the attention i gave her.she always let me know with her smile or laugh how happy i made her,she would be content with a few seconds of attention,if i was occupied with something,and she always made me feel more then,rather then less,never berated the fact i enjoyed playing like a child with her,telling me to act my age.ahhh,my stormy girl,you taught me what unconditional love is truly all about,and in the process you made my heart flower with the passion of a red rose and the brillant shine of a diamond held to the suns rays.
    i,one of the most emotional people,i know,never realized how i had enclosed my heart,distancing myself from hurt,and while i could love,i feared being loved,having it taken from me or possibly coincidentally hurting someone i loved.my wife's children i grew to love,not allowing them to know how much and i am sure that i hurt them by distancing them,always thinking it was best for them,what if i died,or there was a divorce,what part of there life would i be?none.so why allow any pain,i did not want them to feel any pain,besides i am different from anyone else,what loss would there be,people always state by insisting i be true to myself i am always causing embarrassment or a problem,so they are better off by not having me be an important part of their life.i did do the best i could,not the best i wanted,no excuses,but my life they did not lead,according to my perception i did ok.i kept my word,even when rough i stayed with my wife,i never intentionally hurt them,and i always accepted them for themselves.
    stormy girl,you made no rules,i never once was,the words,how can i describe,being loved so much,and knowing it was love for me the person i am,never having to be other then,your laugh or smile always encouraging me,giving me the desire to do more.stormy showed me there was no shame in my game,love conquering all.the magic she shared with me,those eyes trusting me,and the tears i shared with you when you went home each day,even though hidden on the inside.you made me whole,gave my life a beauty,hidden in the dark thorns of my past.the magic you wove, enlightened my life and the lives of all i know.the love i give to your family,and those dear to you,is richer for your teachings,the love i have for others,open,undemanding as you taught me.the pain i feel from love unrealized is there with pride,for you taught me it is a gift,which asks for not in return.me,stormy you taught me,for all my strange ways,different though i am,acceptance,love for me,and a fierce pride in who i am,for stormy you,out of all others ,showed me you love me for me,and that my love for you,well,it was enough,to make you happy.