wow,a first one right after the other,posts that is,monumental day,night,thought i would have been asleep awhile ago.cant believe its 4:30 am,and here i am.a lot goin on,mainly in my mind,and playing those silly games in my head.christine came by earlier to pick up scotman but he was running late,asked her about madisons party and she told me she just forgot to call me and then,hehe,said she thought she called me.so at least i was right about that,i just dont rate,and you know thats ok,at least now its straight and i wont torture myself anymore.i would rather know that someone dosent care,or that i am not that important in their life,then to decieve myself with false feelings,its not wrong to love or care for someone,and they have the right not to care or love in return,its a personal thing.the big upsets emotionally come from people misconstruing each others feelings or desires.in addition i will,hehehe,soon have gas money and can visit the little ones,a bit more.
poor scotty,i unloaded on the poor guy,all the way to christines,he dealt with it and i wanted to give him a hug goodbye,but did not want to embarrass him,and damned if he did not lean over and give me a hug before he got out of the truck.thats the most honest feeling of affection i have had in a long time,and it made me feel a lot better about my life.sometimes it only takes a little demonstration of affection to fill a deep void.oh and saw the wife on skype tonight,that was fun,voice was more realistic too so all good there,just so many questions,shutting down that train of thought.
thought about going to la velas but naw,decided to just go home.cooked up a steak raw,and sauted some fresh white mushrooms,in a butter sauce with garlic and hot sauce.melted in my mouth,then felt guilty cause i did not save max any.watching the end of a vampire movie,where the vampires came out ahead,finally,and proceeded to call it a night and lo and behold,on comes this movie,ok,i was scanning and thought it looked intriguing,the secret in their eyes.
i could write a book on the emotional overture,this movie evoked,but someone already wrote the book for the movie,hehehe.deja vue,all over the place,unlike myself the movie even made sense,it concerns a police officer, Argentina,i believe,anyway it was subtitled,who now retired decides he wants to write a novel about an old case,and the rest,ahh,lies in their eyes.anyways now i have been up all night and done my emotional whirlwind,typing this,thinking that,and trying to stop my mind ,heart and body,so i can sleep.i cant stop thinking about that movie,my life and how life just passes by.ok its 5:30,i am going to go to sleep,hopefully,and will get up before 12,so goodnight,good love and i hope you take the time to see the movie
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