Hello, hello, hello.Just wanted to say hi,and all that, it has been a weird week or rather strange time since my last post.All kinds of different revelations,thoughts bouncing around my mind, arcs of thought unfiltered, zapping me ,bringing awareness of knowledge, new and old, lessons that i should have learned and the optimistic ego of self refusing to get lost in what is a difficult time,not, earthshattering, but feelings of displacement,loss of center and a sense of futility at my own self, who refuses to learn from lessons past,due to his personal beliefs,in a world of reality where self is absorbed by the world of business,facts,figures,and other cold ,ughhhh, factors of the real world.Alas, alas, where is room for the dreamer in us all, i cry with bittersweet laughter,reflecting,mocking accepting, that it is not there is no room for the dreamer, but even a dreams roots must have its base begin in reality. My blame is that i just cant seem to separate the two, their intwining showing my(sadly) refusal to recognize lifes serious side. So, what is going on? Well, no word from Express Lane, the new one, anyway. They had requested the new liability insurance ,yet no response from follow through ,ignoring queries from my insurance agent, and what should i think here, or the fact that Mark Shoeffer has ignored my call or message at the front desk. I, dont know what to think quite honestly, either too much going on or,possibly my dismissal from this new world of Express Lane.As the wife just said , i cant win, unless i am allowed to (hehehehe),but damned if i dont keep trying, (hehehehe).Here i am broke as hell, for real no money, Christmas, shot to hell, no plastic to pretend with,i do have cigs ,maybe about 60 or 80 bucks,gas,quarter of a tank, and i am smiling at it all. Which seems stupid to me, it would be more (I think) realistic to be upset butwhat good is that really gonna do.My bills are paid till next month so thats a plus,with the exception of my storage shed, i do have food, and who knows maybe tomorrow i will hit megamoney,hehehehe. Dream on, ughhhhhh, I am so silly sometimes.Now, where should we go from here,lets back up the week,sounds like a plan to me.
Hmmmmm, where to start, ok, Sunday the wife i had a little tiff over doing the Express Lane stores.I had been told not to do any more floors, and wanted to do all the stores one last time with the propane, like an inspection buff, for no charge which would have cost me around 60 bucks, but felt that it would be a nice going away gift for the Lewis family, Donna ,being more realistic, stated that the stores may have already become the new owners,which could get me in trouble with them,that we really could not afford it and last that my un busineess like manner had already got us in enough hot water. Which i have to admit is true,though not always, and dreamers have rights too,so there, but not when others have to pay the price along with them.She won, and me i felt guilty all week, over not doing it,mainly because it is not all about the money, it was just something to show my appreciation for all they had done for me.Moving on,and on and on, and on,ok, enough,hehehehe, to Monday.
Monday, Monday, what a wonderful day,(just being me again), went to do the two Dodges Chickens, in Pensacola and Ft.Walton, leaving early, so i could come home and post on my blog. I know, no post, well let me explain.Got to Pensacola, did the store being grateful for the work, for real, here. Left,heading out through 98 coastal, enjoying the Christmas decorations ,lights glittering,blinking,reflections bouncing off the side view mirror, colors ranging from bright white,to the merry green,happy red, and rainbow kaleidoscope colors in between. Christmas decorations, Santas, elves,whimsical creatures, entwined with spiritual noels, nativity sets,all set to give joy to my world!!!! BANG, to my ears came an eary, scary soft blast and hiss, with intimidation by sound,i pull off the road and listen to to the sound, opening the door i realize its as i feared ,my tire gasping ,spent has laid itself in rest. Woe is me, I think, then I realize there may be no spare, but 3 cans of fix a flat are on hand. You go boy,feeling so proud, hooked up my first can,perplexed as it empties its canned air within, Lo no results begin. Move the van a hair,second can hooked up and an etheral cloud of mist gently forms on the side of the tire, that was not funny,(hehehe). Ok,but it is now,hehehe. Damn tire blew out the side,drove it till tire was completely gone, pulled into a Tom Thumb, i know hilarious,huh. Life does laugh at us sometimes, all those times i refuse to pull into a Tom Thumb ,now this, i just hope someone got a giggle and a laugh out of it,honestly, i did. Scotty was on his way,as i had called a towing service and they had quoted me 200 bucks which i did not have. The funny thing was i had done the floors here before and the lady remembered me,the quality of our work and asked why i was not doing floors anymore as they pay more and get less quality now. THat made me feel good though. Scotty shows up and yes, i did take the tire off,scared van would come down on me again as it had last time i changed a tire,but no problems this time, with the exception of the miserable,and I do mean miserable cold weather,brrrrrr. Get home about 4 am, oh yeah, cant forget, there was no money at home,here i am broke down in Valparasio, and hardly any gas in truck. Well, i call up a store ask them if they will front me the gas, till i get back in town, you know, they did, i promised to be back before shift change so they would not be short. It is one of those times where i am so grateful that others are good to me. So thank you, thank you,thank you. Tuesday i go to Randys Tires R Us on 15tyh st and ask if he would trust me for a new tire,now he knows i have no work,as far as Express Lane and he was still kind enough to trust me till i get some work. See it does pay to keep your word with people,as he had helped me out about a month ago on some repairs and let me make payments. Sooooo,where we at now, ok ,Tuesday, i go to Ft. Walton Dodges Chicken to do the floor. I had told them it needs a light scrub,well, i ended up spending like 4 or 5 hours there,no extra charge and honestly, it was not just working, but also thinking,realizing how dependent I was on others,and how grateful I am for their belief in me. It could have gone an entirely different way, to me it just went to prove that people, even without knowledge,remind us of the beauty in being alive, interaction with our fellow humans,and that the spirit of Christmas does not occur just on Christmas day. I had made a 100 the night before and that was eaten up by the time i left Ft. Walton Dodges Chicken, what with gas and all, but still, I did make some money, enough to buy some smokes,gas, and spoil the wife with a couple of scratch cards,i know,stupid,wasteful,but what the hell, it was worth it.
Wednesday, have you read enough,heheheeh. Cause there is more,hehehe. I get an e mail from Lehigh , the new owners of Express Lane, requesting liability ins. paperwork, which I forward to Hutt ins.,who gets no response from them on questions she has in relationship to requirements on policy. In addition, i had been told there was to be a meeting with Mark,operations manager, who never calls me.The good news here, my workmans comp exemp has been approved ,which i needed for some possible work in the future. See, trying to show my positive attitude, hehehe. Possibility, probabilities, anything is possible, I cant believe it,sitting here, typing this out and making jokes with Scotty, i do believe my world is collapsing around me and I,in my infinite, wordly wise ,wisdom, surrounded with the bright ghosts of Christmases past,encompassed within the bleak oblivion of bare walls,no tree, and alas, the non appearance of gaily wrapped Christmas boxes, I am still happy with life.Guilty, yes, i had it within my capabilities to have planned for an event like this, realistically, i did not,my bad, twenty years we have been a family and this is a first. The bitter realization of my failure,well, it sucks, but it is not gonna change a damn thing, so maybe,just maybe, i will try harder in the future to ensure it does not occur, but I make no promises. Lordy, Lordy, I noticed I started hitting the keyboard a little bit too fiercely, underlying guilt, who knows,i mean to do better next time, however if wishes were horses, we all would ride, hehehehehe.I do have some possible work pending in January, unfortunately, while it is great and I am grateful, that is all after the holidays. So on to Thursday.
Thursday, not bad, not bad, in hope of work next month, i asked my suppliers if they could extend me some credit. honestly, it being the end of the year,they want to settle any accounts by Jan.2, after explaining my situation and just flat out being honest they both agreed to front me some supplies, the understanding being i was to pay asap. To some who have credit cards,bank accounts,etc,this may seem n.p., but i have none of the above, simply my word and when people show good faith in you,what the hell else can you wish for.All the money in the world will not buy you that and when others believe in you, well to me that means a lot. Friday,Friday,yeah Thursday was a quickie,hehehe, but still quality.
Friday,i went out, picked up supplies, thanked all and went to see if i could start on a job early,so i do not have to wait till late Jan. to get paid. Then ,Donna, Scotty and I went to Christines, for a breakfast dinner,hehehe. Actually it was all right and seeing every one,the way they love their grandma, Donna, made it all worth while. Ohhhhhh, lest i forget,Michele is offically Donnas favorite child,hehehehe. That is another story, of a child who does all to earn her mothers ok,not realizing she had it anyway. Reminds me of my Father and I, a story with a happy ending, through love, and understanding. I also was able to finish paying Christene for money we had borrowed,so you know what? It was not an easy week,and yes there are a lot of things i wish were better but,look at all the beauty, the way others have been good to me and you know what,if my week had not been what it was,those selfless acts of kindness others showed ,well i would not have known, Merry Christmas to all,love ya,me. P.S.- yeah, i am smiling (with you).
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