The Voice,Natalie Stovall

 Damn ,its been awhile,hehe. Plus its 1;30 in the am,with a revolving door of thoughts,that had been centered and firmly held,blown from their moorings,by a totally unexpected chain of actions. Those who know me , know I keep my secrets well, my heart cased in pains of the past,yet i acknowledge and feel that which makes my life the wonder it is.
           I am the voyeur in my life,the watcher who knows what could have been possible,the judge who passes sentence if unleashed, and the protector of those I love and care for, and the child who cries in silence large warm tears that cool as they trickle down my face,for denial of love thats best for all, unspoken ,but there, a roarr,thats kept contained, its best for you.
           Thoughts,spearing through,piercing free,colored electrical arcs,blue, red,silver,connecting combinations kept in thrall, creating passages i can envision,fearing to tread. What have I done in my past life to reap this pain, to know, to feel,that wondrous caress, that love enfolds you with,its passion which springs from my eyes,a hidden truth that here cant hide.
            Life for some is a predictable event,on and on it rolls,for others those who walk a different path, one of their own,the highs are amazing,its lows, ones that can absorb the soul, lose the person and create a vacancy where a human once dwelt. It is amazing how a seemingly ordinary or in appearance, casual act can affect the path of a persons life....my life is a road map of them. My life,the good and the bad have been touched,enriched,and brought to despair by individual acts from which my life has been shaped. Its Christmas, i am broke,see no light,to me its the biggest holiday of the year, its when i shower those I love with all I can. Despondent, I go to Wal mart, and watching the people doing their shopping,you see the joy as they pick out gifts,the children acting like children,laughing, smiling being mischievous, parents trying unsuccessfully to be stern, and I realize that here is the true joy of Christmas, not the gifts as much as doing the best we can with what we have, to give someone we care for,a gift of unselfishness,money which would have maybe done more for ourselves but another is more important. I left the store and though i did not have much , I did shop with a lighter heart,that will always be enrichened with a knowledge others did not even know they were teaching. I told this story to get back on track and to show how interaction can occur without intention.
          The Voice,********,a show that i watched occasionally,with some enjoyment,has gotten me pretty upset,and I will be the first to admit, it was something they have probably done every show,but this time it hit close to home.The winner of The Voice is picked by the audience and a lot of people will watch the beginning trials to pick their contestant,then vote for them at every chance. Contestants who are viewed on the blind auditions begin building their base from these performances,and so the games begin,however, a few are just listed, in a montage,as having been picked by the various judges, and the initial show is not shown,resulting in a missed opportunity,when viewer fever is hot.I had the good fortune to have seen Natalie Stovall, perform at Spinnakers Beach Club here in Panama City Beach,Fl..Naturally when I heard she was going to be on The Voice,I was excited for her,and resolved to watching every show.Working nights , I had to reschedule some jobs,etc,etc, but it was with a smile on my face and joy in my heart,for here was the proof of my belief in her.I dont care for country music too much,but recognize the beauty and soul of her artistry.You know this is kinda like a mini hell for me to refresh that which was buried,I hurt,but even in my pain,its beauty, colors my emotions with the colors of a fairies wing,a rainbow of colors held aloft by soft ,vibrantly beating wings,leaving a stirring wind in the passage. I cry as I dream of yesterday,and days never created.
         Natalie, has been through a the ups and downs of  the industry,and we all know of someone who got soooo close and through no fault of their own,or because someone else was in the right place at the right time ,missed out on their rightful destiny. I firmly believe she will one day be recognized as the artist she is,my pain comes in watching her suffer,through no action of her own. the price she pays for anothers error in judgement. In listening to her, i feel the mystery of who she is,the empathy of my soul for her being,I worry that the strength of her magic,can be weakened not by intention but through the unfortunate mysterious ways of life.
         Her performance on the blind auditions may never be seen,which i believe was so wrong, a few moments she worked so hard for to share with us, it may not seem like much but to put months of work,day after day,to analyze oneself to drive yourself,with fervor,to be honest with yourself and where you could slide along once before,now not only being judged by your peers,but that one you cannot lie to yourself. Damn i am getting pissed with no right i realize, but it was not right. The problem with becoming successful,is simple,too often its stated I have not forgotten how I got here. Really? I think I can safely state, that thats not entirely true,one of the shows I like is Undercover Boss, because for many of them it is a true reawakening of what is real for millions, How many artists do we know that if they were to star over with no prior recognition would make it.Many times it was a song that meshed with its culture,or the help of another artist,or playing with a popular artist.
In my world,she is a star,and has always been one,I only wish for the rest of the world to have the chance to hear her,so they can decide for themselves. Treat her right Blake,and may the force be with you.

The Boardwalk

          Life is like a jack in the box, always something popping up, never knowing what, is the magic in it, and our ability to deal with these things ,help form and shape our inner being ,for better or worse.Was it only last week ,maybe the week before, things were getting a little crazy, not just in personal life, but bills too. It is really wierd for me, a person who never used to even try to pay my bills on time, to actually caring that they are. I guess when it gets to the point where you dont have the resources, and things get shut off, it is a lot different,from having the money to pay them and just putting it off, to pay it next week or month.Yup, i call that fear, hehe,get behind and dont know when  you can pull another rabbit out of the hat, so you try to keep it straight.Hehehe. I am writing as i am in a good mood now, it has not been a bad week,though it has had its moments,for sure, So lets begin this twisting journey,take a few detours,and rock and roll.
         The Boardwalk Beach Resort, is one of the premier resort areas here in Panama City Beach,Fl.,it is also one of the more difficult places for a vendor to get in,due to their high standards.A couple of weeks ago,tthe company that handles their janitorial supplies,Tek supply,was kind enough to recommend me to do some floor work for them. I met with them, gave them a price and honestly speaking, though I had high hopes, I also had low expectations. they called me back and asked for another meeeting stating they had only gotten approval for a one time clean, and asked if i was still interested.Hell Yeah!!!!!!! Like I told them better to be working, then sitting at home worrying about paying the bills, when asked about the price I told them it would stay the same. A lot of companies would have gone up on the price,I figured if I do a good job, they will keep me and if they need other floors done they will continue with my service.
         The day arrives when I am supposed to start and I am feeling strange, waking up I fell a new sensation and it is not pleasant. Trying to figure it out, i mention it to Scotty, and he states, overwhelmed maybe?, hit it right on the nail.It had never happened to me before,hehe, anytime I figure a job was too big, I would just state that it would take till I was done, plus before I would usually have some help, here we are talking 14,000 sq. ft., and using a 15 inch side by side for most of it, though I did have my automatic scrubber for the travatine. Plus no help,and they needed it done by friday morning, 4 nights and quality must come first.
         I had given my nephew, Robert, and Noah, a guy who used to work with me, calls but never got an answer. When Robert called back and said he would help out, it was better then an alka seltzer when you are bloated,hehe. Monday and Tuesday we got the lobby,dining room and front entrance way done,all to my standards and the Boardwalks expectations, they being impressed with the cleanliness not only of the tile but the grout also. They stated that the last 2 times the floors had not come out so well, even though they paid more. Wednesday night,Robert could not work and there was all this travertine left, so i brought down the big scrubber and just looked at the first hallway,thinking I am never gonna get it done.It seemed like it was a mile long, I swear, I am gonna measure it one day.hehehe. I got a late start as I had to do the Piggly Wiggly Express in Fountain first,so after setting up my equipment, it must have been about 10 pm. Everything is set up, Scrubber is charged and I sit down to have a smoke, my mind racing in torment at all that could go wrong, The longer I smoke , the louder the rattles of that snake, self doubt got, until finally tired of the noise in my head, I flung my smoke into the ashtray,and tossing all thoughts aside, just began to begin. The hall was beautiful,smooth sheets of  whitish, smoky grey, squares ,bordering roughhewn  natural stone of the same color, however its beauty lay in its coarsenes, interlaced with open veins,pinholes,and natural gashes ranging in color from a pearl white,to a black soft and translucent as that of a squids defense. Set in between these sheets of coarse stones, centered in the smooth travertine, were sunbursts,costructed of small tiles, measuring up to 3 or 4 ft in size, ranging from a rusty red to a soft turquoise, the colors,demanding, a closer look, at the intricate play of hues,creating a picture often taken for granted, in its entirety as a whole.
        So it began, the unveiling, starting with a small section at the top, laying down a cleanser and cleaning the grime of a couple of years,rinsing it repeatedly to remove the layers trapped not only in the surface but removing the accumulation trapped in the veins and pinholes.Its beauty apparent as it dries to a soft luster,while its sunburst pendants revealed colors,soft yet strong, patinas which prevail on your eyes to search and imbibe of a sensual feast. Here I get lost, no thoughts, simply enjoying the colors unfolding beneath me, the joy in the pleasure of being the first to behold this softly sensual beauty. The sunburst had colors I would never have thought to associate with a sunburst, blues,soft greens, muted orange, a greenish turquoise that entranced me. here the splendor of mother nature crafted with human hands depicted a beauty, singular and original, though each was similar in the general depiction. At 6 am I finished the hallway, looking down, you no longer saw the more reflective sheen created by the dirt and cleansers, in its place was a soft haze, warming you while its sunburst pendants glowed with subtle colors once lost, reflecting the sun.
       Thursday,Robert and I finished up the rest. He was a lot of help and with his dry sense of wit a real pleasure, to work with, Joking and messing around while maintaining a good work ethic, rinsing the floor and moving everything around. Though we both forgot to take pictures before we moved everything, hehe.
        I have to confess that the management from the Boardwalk were really nice to me, while they  wanted their expectations met, they were not hesitant in informing me I did a good job,and  when they had any questions, were not hesitant to ask me directly, instead of being wishy washy.The whole time I was there everyone, was really nice, helpful and made me feel a part of, rather then as a contracter working for them. One lady even made me a cup of coffee, on her own. Gotta love it.
        Saturday night I did a convienet store i had done before, he had planned to remodel the store, unfortunately it took longer then he expected for everything to get approved. He decided to remodel after the summer so I lucked out on that. Then I was gonna do a beauty salon but the owner went to Orlando for the w/e, so that will get done tomorrow. On thursday The Old fashioned Floor Store called me to do a clean up for them,which I looked at today and will do friday. Today i also recieved a call from a doctors office about doing their floor, off a reccomendation from one of the ladies at the Boardwalk,loving it I am.hehehe.
        I wont get paid form the Boardwalk till friday but when I do the bills will all get paid plus some,hehehe.Now if I can only figure out a way to get tickets to the Jazz festival I would be escatic,oh yes oh yes.
        My life, financally,things are looking up, for which I am greatful, but the rest is unraveling. I dont know, well thats not true,what I am gonna do, just thinking of it and doing it are 2 different things.The wife is happy she has her car back, and her freedom. I dont know why she tells me she is gonna do one thing,while we know she is doing something else. Life is funny, sometimes it takes a slap in the face, mine I guess.She told me she was going to play bingo, got herself all dolled up, and then i happened to see her driving her car, with a companion, busted. You know people forget how small this place is,or how people like to gossip.I have to concede it was not easy seeing that, i had been looking in the parking lots for the bowling alleys,well i did twice,then I said stop acting like a fool, so i stopped and  proceeded to drive straight to work. Bam, two lights up there is her car and her friend, that shit tore me up, but what are you to do.I have to do what is right by me,not others, and  I am not gonna do something stupid. Friday, i offered to take her to her favorit reataraunt but she told me she had to help her friend,life can be a bitchhhhhhhhhh. So Saturday,before work I stopped at my brothers, man he can talk,hehe, and after awhile unloaded on him a little and went to work. Felt a little better after that and  when i saw the wife asked her about bingo and she stated she never went,well at least she was honest about that.
       Life, well I love it,things happen, that is just the way it works, but its those precious moments of joy that make it all worthwhile,sometimes I cry,not always in pain, but the beauty that I have discovered in living,the pain of heartbreak exists,but more overpowering is that beauty of falling in love,the love that seeks to explode your world with its joy,here i have cried too.I have been blesssed by the people who compromise my world,for they have given me joy to enrichen my world.
      Last,but not least, I have not started my song but i will, hmmmmmmm, maybe I am getting all this work so I dont torture anyones ears,hehehe, loving it.              

the title for my new song and Pepsi Spring jam

       I guess its time,I am going to write one, it has been years and ughhhh,hope I still can do it, its been a long time since I have wrote poetry or lyrics, but the other night, I made a statement, and it hit so hard,so true and is a core to what I believe I can not help but wonder why it has not been said before or at least to my knowledge. The thing we do for love, are amazing, the fact that we do these things willingly, without even a thought of the cost to ourselves, in the journey of taking care of those we love, is one of the beauties in being human. Sacrifice, done without a thought of it being a sacrifice, the fact that there is a quality in the time spent together, that does not require quantity in the time. Guess it is time to take my Ovation  out and give it a new set of strings, then work on learning how to play again,hehehe.This is gonna hurt,Lordy,the damage to my ears, the impatience of what I once took for granted must start anew, my fingers, Ouch.  Too much work,ughhhhhhh. Well we shall see.
      Went to the Pepsi Spring jam, and that was an eye opener for me, first of all I really did not have the money, 100 bucks, second of all I abhor country music and last but not least, sometimes i get tired of doing things by myself. Of course if I put myself out there more, I probably could find someone to go, maybe. Being true to yourself, being shy, and feeling different from everyone, it is not all its cracked up to be, sometimes I wish I was like everyone else and then I could fit right in with everyone. Enough of the sob story,hehe, all right lets get crackin here, I actually had a great time. First of all I loved the way it was scheduled,Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, the only thing that was not popular with me and others was the 11 pm shut down.Even the groups thought that was too early. I was actually surprised that I knew some of the songs, well bits and pieces, there were about 4 or 5 groups every night, with the headliner for each night finishing the show. Shows during the day were surrounded with warm fragments of wind, heightened with springs colorful sunshine, a reflection of the spirit of the cheerful crowd, basking in the double hitter of music and music that got progressively better as the the cool evening night lowered upon us. It got cold, into the 50s, a moist slithering cold that worked its way from the ground into your shoes and then encompassed your clothes, making you shiver. At least it attempted to,by now, the better groups are coming out, feet are breaking free of the cold earth,sliding, lifting themselves in a celebration of the mass communication of life's celebration, led by the musicians,sparking the crowds loss of inhibition,generating a warmth throughout the crowd defeating the cold. Voices lifted aloud even if hesitant and unsure, humanity sharing its praise, drifting upwards to the universe, a melting pot where human individuals, became more, melted into one. Simply glorious, where the musicians are the priests, the field the temple, and all sharing in the beauty of the moment as one. Defeating Mother Natures attempt to subdue our joy.
      A concert,for me is not only about the music, it is also an experience that is formed by the people ,those of the crowd, and the individuals you share the experience with. Uh oh used the same word twice in one sentence,bad boy, hehe. I can recall concerts of my past,from free concerts where we would all donate some change or a buck, and someone would run out to buy fruit that was shared through out the crowd, to going to concerts in the Boston Commons, with artist like Cyndi Lauper or Stevie Nicks, dead broke just enough money to pay for the mbta, and sitting or lying on the grass outside the  fence with hundreds more just enjoying the moment. While none of us were inside we all shared in the beauty of the moment,and it is those moments we aspire to remember. While we may or may not remember the individual group or person we usually recall the time spent, and when we do recall the musician it is not necessarily why we buy their music in the future but in an effort to recapture the joy of that moment.Ok. For me anyway,hehehe.
     I went in alone all 3 nights and was fortunate in that i spent my time on those nights with  some families from Michigan, who made my nights memorable in the gift of their companionship. The first and third night, I shared with a family whose last name was Bible,one of the few I will never forget,hehe. They also had with them, a friend named Windy and her children. I got a kick out of watching the children play, horsing around and constantly asking their father for this or that. The  wife and her girlfriend were dancing, enjoying themselves while all were still keeping an eye on the kids, the husband ,damn I wish i could remember names, was enjoying the hell out of it hooting,hollering and just having a good old time,while still being attentive to the kids and his wife. On top of that they made feel a part of , taking the time to teach me a little bit about each group, i swear they could have written a chapter on every group, then pointing out the songs the groups were famous for. All this and what i really thought was the greatest thing, you could see the affection, love they had for one another. To be allowed to share in their world, a beautiful time was forever engraven on my mind. I talked at length with their friend Windy, and felt kinda bad that her husband chose not to share the wonder of that time with her, of course here I was speaking from experience and we could empathize with one another a little. The first night we just happened to be sitting close together and because we were one of the few to start dancing early gravitated toward each other just talking, they made my night the 3rd night by telling me they had looked for me , and made it clear that it was ok to join up with them. SO COOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!  See it is the people,that make it what it is,purrrrrrrrrrr. Oh, and their sons birthday was at twelve the last night, I am sure he had a good one, even if he had to insist on it,hehehe, pretty cool dude. Oh, yeah,one of the girls liked to read, I brought my reader to read in between sets, which turned out to be unnecessary, hehe, but I could relate, and thought it was cool.
       The second night, a guy said it looked like i was having fun to which I replied yes, even if i did not care too much for country music, which got us talking,hehe. turned out him and his family were also from Michigan, I now know this is spring break for the kids up there,hehe. We kinda hung out together for awhile,just talking , evidently his father owns a liquor store and they supplied different concerts in his are,we talked about a  concert they did featuring EDM,electronic dance music, and also a biker rally their town had. though we did split up after a little bit, we still were within hailing distance,in addition toward the end of the show they explained they were leaving on Saturday,so were kind enough to give me a couple of wristbands that i could share with a friend or family.
       What else can you ask for, met some good people, was introduced to a different form of country,then I was expecting, and even learned a little more about music.Oh by the way,yes I asked if they had heard of Natalie Stovall,and while the Mr. Bible knew of her, his wife did not,and so i shared her with her,hehe,so the teacher learned from the pupil, sooooo funny. See, amid the drab day to day existence of living, beautiful times like this mark  those moments where life is so damn good.
       On Friday the county finally paid me,my bills are temporarily so screwed up,life i guess. The wife's car did come out of the shop, I feel for her not having the freedom she is accustomed to,however she did have the truck or my van available to her,she simply did not want to use them. So she is happy now she fly again, I miss her, and I knew she would be gone again,I can only wish her the best, and let her fly.Someday,maybe someway, my time will come, until then I will not stand in her way, for what good is something if it comes not freely but only through shackles of the mind. It is not what I would wish, but it is what it is,and to be true to what I believe, fly I say and soar with the stars.      

the death of spring break in panama city beach

       Waaaaaaaaaaaah, spring break died. I witnessed the death of one of my favorite times of the year,last week. First, Spinaker beach club, laid off 80 or more people,and closed on the weekend with 2 weeks left,La Vela ,last w/e was dead and when I called to see who was playing band wise, this week, no answer for no band even in rock arena.It was a truly sad, sad, day, with the kicker being,this w/e I saw more people at walmart, there was even stop and go traffic for the first time all spring break and it looked as if parking lots at hotels and such were finally filling up. Cant believe I am home tonight but after seeing the empty parking lot at La vela and rope across spinnaker lot, I guess that killed my spirit,to a certain degree.The only thing I kept thinking was if they had only stayed open one or two more weeks, they could have recouped some of their losses.I am not even going to get into my thoughts about,the cost of new policies here, with the exception that i thought it was humorous when I read p.c.b. stated they hoped to make up revenues in coming months, what about the people who either could not get a job,due to low bed count, the people who got laid off, the economic disruption and the affect on our populous who have depende on spring breaks revenue. I guess that it is ok,to the big bussiness of bay county and panama city beach,that these people could not generate enough income to pay their bills, got evicted,or could not feed their families. Oh and lets not forget that during this period of new rules that were supposed to help bring more order,they made more felony arrests then last year, if that does not make a statement, what will.
       Pepsi Spring Jam is next weekend, hopefully I will be going, it is like 80 bucks for a 3 day pass, which i am sure will be worth it. It is kinda funny to me, I really dont care that much for country music, with the exception of Natalie Stovall, but what the hell it should be a good time and there has to be somebody that will make me want to dance,hehe.Bettter than sitting around doing nada. So hopefully there will be some videos and a good story to tell.
        Depressing myself, sooooooo, I watched E.T. today,first time since it first came out, what a wonderous trip into the past, I laughed and at the end I cried, it has always been the movie in my opinion that made the human race more open to the possibilty of intervention,between us and an alien species.What a good time,and e.t. simply adorable, loved the way his neck stretched and how it stayed down most of the time he was around the kids to keep from frightening them.
        I got a nice surprise when I went to work on thursday,they found a buffer when doing some cleaning at the Piggly Wiggly Express, where i do the floors, and the owner gave the buffer to me for free, knowing I could not afford to buy it,hehe.Works good too,loving it and his kindness.
         Welllll, I guess that all for now,lot of things I want to talk about but want to be in a better mood hehe,until laterrrr.

love is in the air

        Love is in the air, these words spoken perhaps in innocence, and possibly to let me know, oh the possibilities,limitless, with the exception of the barriers raised in my mind, the inability to, or doubt that they were intended in a manner for which, being only mortal, human, dreamer and fantasizer, I, have to admit , in that second,hit the slipstream where dreams come true, reality fades and the stars are stepping stones for my dance. With all the things going on in my life where others would find,negativity, like a bird of prey, I scour for the slightest movement, of optimism, striking it with  a quickness,lifting it aloft to partake of this morsel, thus ensuring my ability to rise above the petty woes of my world, raptured by the sweet taste of life's joys.
        Do I go to fast, or shall I take no action, resulting in the question, which I have grown to abhor,what if I had just tried?.  Too many questions, too many answers, so much fear,for what if I screw up again. I know in my past that I have,by not taking action when,opportunity presented itself. Life, can be so scary, but the reward for facing that fear, can result in a joy, unmatched by any felt.
        I have to place myself back in the real world, simply to grasp the green grass, and black soil of mother earth,this spinning in my mind, the weakness of my physical self, I have to regain control. I soar, and fear the speed ,and heights, I reach, for the fall is so far...............down, that i could bury myself ,with no way to escape.
        A moment, like the blossoming of a flower, on a short movie,where you keep playing it over to ensure nothing is missed,the smile,the look,playing over and over,while you defensively try to ensure it is all in your mind. while as you watch it unfold,you can not deny the wonder of its blossoming, its affect upon your being. You are lost in its power.

Kroger,Tom Thumb,Easter Sunday

          A day that started like the previous ones, rain falling in sheets,at times a soft mist,almost invisible ,while it crept up against my skin , trickling down, my clothing gaining weight while becoming sodden with moisture,to sheets of rain,almost as a curtain made from water, its density,prohibiting my vision,laughing as I swim in its downfall, a child playing in puddles and soaked in a vertical lake,who watched by others, see a man trying to get out of the rain, while inside myself a child is bubbling in laughter, at the fact he can do this, not get in trouble,while others assume he is brave to face this torrent of water.
          Today was similar to my morning start in the rain,really a strange day with its constant changes. At first I lounged around ,yes being lazy,enjoying the rain,with its excuses,to not do anything,while driven to accomplish things, because I wanted to get something done. So, I went to Home Depot, got a washer and fixed the toilet seat,which the bolt had gone through. Overcoming my lethargy, started by the rain, and resulting in the paragraph above,hehehe.
          After wards went to have dinner at Christines, and upon getting there, dropped off the eggs,fake ones with candy,which Donna had made up[ the night before.Donna was not feeling well so we left upon arrival,returning home.The first Easter I had not spent with my loved ones. It was also to be the first Easter my brother and I would have shared in awhile. Soooooooooooo, after being home a bit, I left early for work, hoping I would catch everyone still there.Ahhhhhhh, the sadness felt inside,when upon arrival, I saw that all had left with the exception of those who resided within.. My heart though weighted with the absence of those gone, a sorrow rent of a special time now unshared, still gave wing to thoughts of those within. As I opened the door and saw a face ,my heart leaped, with the smile and joy,that small face shone upon my heart, when I entered.Not only one , but all faces rebounded with a smile ,their eyes telling the story we all wish to hear, I matter, irregardless of all material things ,the simple fact I was there ,mattered to them.
       How often in my past, have I hidden away, not only in the physical realm, more often and sadly
in that place of emotion and trust, myself unrevealed, simply due to the misconception, enforced by myself and my own misconception of others feelings, and belief in me. Here I am reborn! Within those smiles, and twinkling eyes, I am told, though I am not donned in a wealthy mans clothes, or maybe because I do drive a raggedy van,for whatever reason it may be,unconditionally i am loved here. It is funny, humorous, and frosted with a little sadness, to tell the truth, for the little ones here shower me with love untempered and pure from lifes trials, while the parents of these beautiful ones, know me. Their love freely given, has been tempered,they have seen me at the pinnacle of my life, not knowing what may happen tomorrow, and have also seen me while not at my worst,but in simple humanity, capable of doing or being wrong, imperfect as any man. For me , not to be the best, not to have riches to share, in a position where I can not help others but must instead ask for help, to depend on myself,instead of a position with authority, has truly been a road of enrichment,not for my pockets,hehehe, but in myself, with a lesson in humility, for spice,hehehe.I am so fortunate,for often, I say to myself,if I were to die today, it would be ok. I  dont want to die, but if I did, my life is not one full of grief over yesterdays problems, but a happiness borne of knowing I have loved and been loved,by the best,purrrrrrrrrrr,those closest to me, double purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.hehehe. I MADE A DIFFERENCE,I LOVED AND I HAVE BEEN LOVED,IF I DIE TODAY THE MEMORIESSSSS THAT MADE ME WHO I AM WILL BE CARRIED FORTH IN OTHERS AND THOUGH THERE WILL BE SOME TEARS,LAUGHTER AND LOVE WILL CARRY THE DAY.
         Now , I was only there for a few,but what a sweeeeeeeeeet few,then off to work. Where I remembered that the manager does not like me starting early,ughhhhhh. So upon arrival, I clean up my van, afterwords i go to pull some mats and the manager,told me as there were no customers I could start early,yeahhhhhhhh. Oh , before I forget, the sun came out on the way to work and the rain stopped for the first time in days, no drizzle, nothing,shocked I was when the wipers screeched across the glass with no moisture to quieten the sound. Ok,back to work,while doing the floors,a manager from the Express Lane store told me she had seen all of the Lewis family the day before.Not having heard much of them since the sale of the company, I was happy to hear they were doing well. After wards while working, a guy I know was asking why i don't do the Tom Thumbs anymore, stating they looked terrible and after explaining how the president of Tom Thumb fired me for going to Kroger, and that Kroger did nothing after discovering I had been honest with them, and that Tom Thumb corporate had been trying to pull a quickie on them. He suggested that I use a different name, because their floors really looked bad, but I told him it would not only be unethical, but as soon as they discovered it was me, that would end it anyway.
       I have since given it some thought and now that there is a new CEO, and the fact that former Representative Patronis stated he was wrong in not pursuing the issue when I brought it to his attention,maybe I will give it one more shot. It definitely cant hurt and who knows maybe something good will come of it,so stay tuned,hehehe. You never know, hell as much as I believe in things maybe a wish,or dream can come true, but for now that's a wrap,and hoping your Easter was as sweeet as mine.  

slim whimsical dream

          It is the friday,good friday, at that and here I am sitting at home,just chillin.I was supposed to go see Batman and Robin with my nephews but,the missus is sick and did not get some money I expected so I guess that's out,It has been raining for the last couple of days, due to the hole in my trailer it got soaked, so i patched that up today,temporary,but it should hold,and I am running a fan inside to dry out the floor. I am such a procrastinator. I dont know what is up with my spell checker sometimes it works and then it dont,blahhhhhh.
          Was shopping at Wal-mart to get some honey for Donnas throat,and ran into one of the crew from Spinakers, who told me Gypsy Riot,was playing tonight. Ah, what to do just relaxing and seeing where this goes. I worked at the Bay County Library, last night stripping and scrubbing some floors. It did not take too long,but I inadvertently, left the van doors open, which one of the staff closed for me, sweet.
          Just got done cleaning the kitchen, and have been thinking of making a cake, feeling like some Chocolate,hehe. Have some Swiss Rolls, but they are a little too much something, don't know what, but maybe too rich.Ok. gonna mix up some cake mix and will be right back. Well, well well, that did not work out as planned, no cake mix,but, I did find some brownie mix, so decided to make those ,but, my bag of walnuts went stale,boo hoo hoo, Still, the brownies will be good with some vanilla ice cream and being warm,will definitely be enjoyed, hehehe. You may not always have what you want,but you can always use what you got,hehe. Plus I just made a nice pot of coffee, loving it on a quiet night, along with a good book, tv running in the background, in case of a good movie,not bad if I must say so myself. Yes, things could be better, but hell its not bad.
         Just on a chance, a slim whimsical wisp of a dream, I am going to reveal a secret. Hehehe.  I stopped writing my blog for a number of reasons,only resuming it when someone,recently told me, that she did read some of my stuff and stated she thought my writings were beautiful,actually her words were, I write beautifully. Now , here is a thought, I will admit that she said that after I asked her if she ever read some of my writing, to which she commented she had, making that statement. Oh Yeah, I  was captured, raptured by the thought of her exploring the raptures of my mind, passions and secrets, shared. Being only human, I can only dream that she does partake of this bounty, grown through  my life's experiences,and recently, as she should know, enrichened by her presence. So sweet lady, if you should ever fall across these pages leave me a note.So tempted to put,If you dare at the end of that sentence. Hahaha, I am laughing, for I can not stop being me and believing in the dream, no matter how silly it may seem.
       I just went in the kitchen, brownies are ready, and covered it with shavings of ice cream, sliced thin so warmth of the brownie softened it without it being a mound. All this done with a quickness brought about by fresh thoughts of her. My friend, Debbie would be rolling on the floor if she had any idea, of my state of mind. As a witness to my foolishness in the past, and to the end result, her comments would be ,you should know better,or aren't you a little old for this, always has been the smarter and more logical one. Coffee is greattttttttttttt.
       Oh my, I am gunna appear so much more intelligent now, figured ot how to use the spell check, you have to left click on the word. Oh me ,Oh my, loving it I am, hehehe. You know it may be rather foolish on my part, for sureeeeeeeeee, it si I admit it,smiling, but why should I change, I enjoy being me and as it does not come as a cost to others. why should I stop,purrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Silly, silly boy I be.
Ok, thats a wrap for me gonna watch some tv,drink my coffee and relax. Of course, i finished the brownie, and I am thinking of having another,so sweet it is,loving it, later.